15 things you learn at the University of Mum

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Motherhood is a strange and wonderful experience that nobody can prepare you for. And unfortunately, there is no manual or training that comes with it. However, it is a bit like going to some kind of messed up, vocational university where mums are pretty much guaranteed to learn handy skills in order to survive it. Here are the 15 fantastic skills we can all now add to our CV!

1.Doing things on fast forward

You’ll shake off the shackles of dawdling and become a master of doing everything on super fast forward, and running that hamster wheel like your life depended on it. “Jumping in the shower” now takes on a whole new meaning. Phew! No wonder you’re ready to hit the sack at 8.30pm!!!

2. The art of distraction

From heading off tantrums to getting your little ones to forget they are actually eating while you slyly get another spoonful in, you will become the all singing, all dancing (quite literally) queen of distraction – ta-dah!

3. Serious multitasking

So you thought writing an email while taking a phone call was multitasking? Ha! You would now ace that multitasking question in any interview as you reel off examples of making breakfast whilst dancing the hokey cokey, while putting the washing on. Yup, you are the goddess of multitasking.

4. Lying like a pro

Even the worst liar in the world will be proficient in the language of white lies by the time they have graduated from motherhood. If you wonder why kids lie, we don’t really need to look very far, do we?

5. Resourcefulness

Making something out of nothing will become your absolute forte. Whether it’s making a meal out of an empty fridge or eeking out another hour of entertainment on a rainy day, you’ve got this one locked down. Move over Bear Grylls.

6. Patience, patience and more patience

OK so I would probably just about scrape through this module, or perhaps even fail it, but if you weren’t a patient person to begin with, you will be dragged kicking and screaming through this learning endeavour until somewhere along the line you emerge a veritable virtuoso!

7. Dealing with poo, piss, and vom without batting an eyelid

Child projectile vomiting all over the kitchen? Poo smeared on your leg?  Puddles of piss expanding across the floor? You not only become totally unflappable in these situations, but also able to clear them up in masterly Mr Muscle style.

8. Resilience

Oh yes, if you were a push over or sensitive type before motherhood, you will build up resilience like you never thought possible. Resilience against sleep deprivation, emotional resilience as you make it through another ghastly boundary pushing day. Yes, you are a true warrior!!!!

9. Letting go

Undergrads enter into the University of Mum an uptight, neurotic mess and leave giving a shit about pretty much nothing anymore.

10. Laying down the law

Woah! Who was that just speaking there?! Despite never having said boo to a goose you will find an inner scary voice which you’ll whip out and reign terror with – you’ll also become an old hat at supressing that inner laughter as you do so.

11. Kissing it better

You will become the ultimate wizardess with the magic power to kiss it better like no other mother, or human being can possibly do.

12. Cuddle dispensing

You will learn how to become the ultimate cuddle dispensing machine. Non-cuddlers will discover new found cuddling skills, and cuddle lovers will achieve a heightened state of cuddling perfection, formerly thought only to be found in koalas.

13. You can not be everything to everyone

Perhaps the best thing you will learn at the University of Mum – and the sooner you learn it, the better. Don’t forget to study the related module – there’s no such thing as perfect.

14. Laughing

You will become proficient in laughing as a sanity saver. You will learn that sometimes things get just too ridiculous, the best possible answer in that equation is laughter.

15. Doing everything with your hands full

You will become absolutely crackerjack at doing everything with your hands full all the time! Whether your hands are full of little ones, washing, or the umpteen toys you pick up on your way out of the bathroom octopus style.

Are there any other skills you’d add to this list? Drop me a comment and share!

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29 comments

  1. Great list – I would add the skill of Knowing When To Step In to the skill set too! This applies to both sibling wars, and when you see a fellow mummy in distress. Sometimes it’s best to leave things to sort themselves out – and then other times you realise a helping hand to get through a tough time is needed… #mummymonday

  2. I would add the ability to snatch sleep in 5-10 minute chunks absolutely anywhere, as well as learning to sleep in all sorts of convoluted positions because the kids have decided to crawl into your bed AGAIN and occupy as much space as is humanly possible.

    • Oh you are lucky! I never managed to get the snatching sleep thing under my belt and thankfully my little one absolutely hates being in bed with us for now but I’m guessing other people are busy studying that one…

  3. This is a useful and entertaining post 🙂 I do feel like I have learn so much since I became a mum. My priorities have certainly changed!
    #sharewithme

  4. Great list here! I love the doing breakfast and the hokey cokey! I’m still working on the patience side of things although I’m much better than I was! Thanks for linking up with #twinklytuesday

  5. Brilliant post! This is so true – I am not a forceful person normally but I have no problems with keeping to the rules that have been set. Patience is something I have developed since being a mum. My CV should be awesome now after reading this thanks lol!

  6. You had me at hello 🙂 Motherhood is utter and complete chaos at times and yet the little assholes can giggle, smile, or say something hilarious and it seems to all be worth it. #anythinggoes

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