Are you mum enough? Here are 5 reasons you are in 2023

As a mum, it seems we are always angsting if we are mum enough – are we doing enough, are we doing it right? Although after almost three years, my worries in these areas have abated somewhat, I am still teased periodically by the thought and the worry and guilt of whether I am mum enough. So for every mum who doubts it for just one second…this is exactly why you are mum enough…

Mums, like everyone else, can experience feelings of inadequacy or not feeling “enough” for a variety of reasons. These feelings may stem from societal or cultural pressures to be a “perfect” mother who can balance work, family, and personal needs seamlessly.

Additionally, mums may feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenthood, particularly if they are struggling with mental health issues or are dealing with challenging circumstances such as financial difficulties or relationship problems. In some cases, these feelings of not being enough may also stem from comparisons to other mothers or unrealistic expectations that they have set for themselves.

It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common and normal, and that seeking support from loved ones or a mental health professional can be helpful in managing them. By taking care of their own needs and prioritizing self-care, mums can work towards building a healthy and positive sense of self-worth.

5 reasons you are mum enough

Because there are only so many hours in the day

From the minute your eyes are forced open by the word “mamaaaaaa” ringing in your ears, you are catapulted into a crazy world of relentless tasks, thoughts, highs, lows, worries and schedules, until the sweet moment your head hits that pillow you have missed so much all day. For every waking hour, you are mum enough.

Because there is no real blueprint as to how to be a mum these days

Today’s mums navigate an unchartered territory where being a good mum and being a self-fulfilled woman in her own right wrestle and wrangle to take pole position. We know too much, without really knowing anything. We want so much, but can we have it all? The only blueprint we can safely follow is that where we accept we are mum enough.

Because you are the sum of all your experiences

Not all mums are equal, some of us come with emotional issues from our own childhoods, health issues, or unrealistic expectations put on us by our own families or society. Motherhood manifests feelings brought up from these chapters in ways we always thought we could sidestep. Make peace and know you are mum enough.

Because your children will remember who you are, not what you did

Will our children remember our smiles or our achievements? Will they remember our warmth or our aspirations? Our children won’t remember if we got the little things right or wrong, they will remember the person that you were when they growing up, and that you were mum enough.

Because you did what was right at the time

Whether you breastfed, bottle fed, delivered naturally, through C-section, co-slept, cried it out, baby wore, used a stroller, went to work, stayed at home – so long as your children are happy and healthy, know this – you are mum enough.

Things you can do to help you feel you are mum enough

There are several ways that mums can work towards feeling that they are good enough:

Practice self-compassion

Mums can be their own worst critics, so it’s important to practice self-compassion by treating themselves with kindness and understanding, especially when things don’t go as planned.

Set realistic expectations

Work towards feeling good enough by setting realistic expectations for themselves and their families. Rather than striving for perfection, they can focus on doing their best and being present in the moment.

Celebrate small wins

Celebrate small wins, such as completing a task or spending quality time with their children, as a way of acknowledging their accomplishments and boosting their self-esteem.

Seek support

Seek support from loved ones, peers, or mental health professionals. Talking about their feelings and receiving validation can help them feel seen and heard, and provide a sense of community.

Prioritize self-care

Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. By taking care of themselves, they can feel more balanced and better equipped to handle the demands of parenthood.

Remember, being a good enough mum doesn’t mean being perfect, but rather doing the best you can with the resources and circumstances you have.

Do you have to remind yourself that you are mum enough? What else would you add to this list?

53 comments

  1. Loved this, Tayla, especially #3 – you are indeed the sum of all your experiences. It is so easy to get lost in the chaos of motherhood and lose sight of the fact that you are who you are to your children and that is enough.

  2. This is such a good post! As a first time parent I’m always doubting what I do but I guess as long as my little one is happy and healthy then that’s all that matters.

  3. I love the last one, especially since I struggled with breastfeeding and with the advice of the midwife, I chose to mix-feed and that made me feel like I was such a bad mum for not doing it “right”. But it was either that or my then newborn baby would’ve lost so much weight and would’ve been admitted to hospital 🙁

  4. Love your post. So many women are feeling bad that they are not perfect forgetting the most important – loving mum is always enough.

  5. Absolutely love this post, it’s so true!! There really aren’t enough hours in the day and it can be so hard to get everything you need to done. I’ve definitely learnt that self-doubt comes with motherhood! X

  6. Aww lovely post, I’ll definitely be coming back to read this on days when I’m feeling like I’m a rubbish parent xx

  7. Well said, all parenting experiences are different so there is no specific blueprint. I think mothers are amazing and a true role model that kids should look up to.

  8. Great post, we all have days when we don’t feel mum enough. I can totally relate to doing what is right at the time. I had to formula feed from when my son was 4 weeks old and I also had a c-section which made me incredibly guilty I’m only Joe starting to accept I did the right thing.

  9. I love the tone of this post. Our kids aren’t bothered about the ironing being done or the washing up, they just remember the times we smile and play with them

  10. My mummy always places high expectations on things! She need to lower her expectations of herself so she doesn’t get dishearten as often 😉 Everyone is differnet. Great post xx

  11. Oh how I love this post!! Sometimes we all need a little reminder and some reassurance that we are good enough. There is so much competition and comparisons between Mums can make us doubt ourselves but this really says it all – we are good enough xx#coolmumclub

  12. Perfect perfect perfect we so need to remind ourselves of these simple and honest things. Of course we’re mum enough! We’re great and we gotta stop worrying and stressing and live and love #coolmumclub

  13. Motherhood…pure joy, but the lack of Annual Leave is difficult to contend with. Though you may physically have time away, your brain is never child empty. Working away at being the best ‘I’ can be, right now. Thanks for sharing @ #coolmumclub

  14. Such a boost of a post and that’s something we all need as Mum’s when we feel like we’re exhausting ourselves by trying to do it all! #coolmumclub

  15. Aww so true, kids don’t remember the small stuff, heck sometimes they don’t even notice!! We need to give ourselves a break and just remember we are doing our best. If my kids still ask for endless cuddles at bedtime then that’s all the assurance I need that I’m doing ok x #coolmumclub

  16. Love this and so true. There are only so many hours in the day and we need to realise that and stop being so hard on ourselves #coolmumclub

  17. Goodness this made me a little tearful. I think sometimes when we are fighting our own battles this is just what we need to read – I need to print it up and stick it on my fridge – we all do! Thank you – I’m feeling a little better about it all now #coolmumclub

  18. I am constantly worrying if I’m “mum enough” it’s horrible when that niggling thought hits, I always feel like I’m letting my boy down but then I snap back and realise that I’m only human after all. I totally agree with you, there just isn’t enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING but it’s ok. Great post! #coolmumclub

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

  19. I love your point that they will remember who we are not what we did. I would also add putting our children first beyond all else. This morning due to the rain I had to drive half way across London to get my eldest to a tube station that wasn’t flooded so he could catch a train to a University Open Day and as I drove home I found myself thinking “Will he remember any of these things I do and have done for him??” #coolmumclub

  20. I love this. Such a supportive and uplifting post in a world full of judgement and “must do better” pressure. You’re absolutely right, our children will remember who we are, not even a fraction of what we do. Brilliant post and I’ll definitely be checking out #mommitment too xx

    Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  21. Love the idea of the fb collective, what a fab idea! Great post, I think we all definitely have days or moments where we wonder whether we are mum enough or not, and sometimes it just nice to read a post like this and know its not just you 🙂 Emily #coolmumclub

  22. A great reminder to us mums to realise that we are all just doing our best. Such a lovely post.

  23. so true, especially the one about what our kids will remember, I could do well to remember these at times for sure. We can all but just do our best, and thats going to be more than good enough for our children. #coolmumclub

  24. I always love these posts. Every Mom is Mom enough. You’re right that comparison and criticism affect everyone but if your kids are healthy, happy and growing up right then you are, for sure, Mom enough! I really enjoyed this article.
    ~Jess
    #coolmumclub

  25. Love this! I often think I’m not good enough for my son. It’s so nice to read something as optimistic and supportive as your post. #coolmumclub 🙂

  26. Yey! I don’t think there is a mum out there who couldn’t do without hearing this. We all need a little reminder every now and then that we are mum enough. #CoolMumClub

  27. This is a great post and just what us mummies need to hear! I found number 2 particularly good – mummyhood has changed and is evolving and there are different expectations and pressures to previous generations. It’s hard to know what we’re ‘supposed’ to do. Thanks for the encouragement to just make our own way as best we can. #coolmumclub

  28. I try not to doubt myself too much, but of course it does happen so it’s great to remind myself from time to time that I AM mum enough #coolmumclub

  29. This is a brilliant post. I she’s to constantly remind myself of these things all the time. The point about remembering who you are and not what you did is so important x

  30. I couldn’t agree more with point 5, and yet it’s something I wrestle with all the time. Perhaps we should just give ourselves a break?! Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub 🙂

  31. Really loved reading this post. You are so right. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves. There are times when my baby is crying, fussy and I feel terrible.
    But as soon as he calms down, because of me or not, first he does is to smile at me, looking at me with love. We are mum enough. as long as we try. It’s not about perfection.
    #coolmumclub

  32. Beautifully written post. There is so much pressure to be the perfect mum or be a certain way that sometimes I think we are to hard on ourselves.

  33. What a great post! I think I particularly like the point that the kids will not remember anything other than who we were and how we made them feel rather than what we did or did not do in a day. #coolmumclub

  34. I love this, and I so needed to read it this week. I’ve had an awful week, Harry fell and has knocked back his front teeth, and I have just been an absolute mess! I’ve really doubted my parenting somehow, it’s just thrown me completely. Thank you for sharing. #coolmumclub

  35. I so needed to read this tonight! After 6 nights flying solo, and thinking I was winning at it, I just had two hours from hell – tears, screaming, shouting and that was just me. Four years in the business of Motherhood, thinking things are getting easier…and then BAM! You never really know when the next low is going to be around the corner!
    Superb read, thank you for reminding me I can do this – and for going back up one last time to make peace.
    xx
    #coolmumclub

  36. I think we all worry to an extent. I worry about time/tiredness. The snap & then guilt. I know I do my best but it can be exhausting. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane

  37. I definitely needed to read this today. The mum guilt is huge in my world at the moment, trying to balance everything I never feel like I am mum enough to Evie. x

  38. Very true. We are mum enough! We need to stop “sweating” the small stuff !! Thanks for another great post! #coolmumclub

  39. Loved this post! Especially the part of being the sum of your experiences. People tend to forget that we haven’t all been through the same things. Great read #coolmumclub

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

  40. Love this post, it’s great to take a step back and realise I am Mum enough, and as long as we all remember that at least some of the time then our children will see it too! X #coolmumclub

  41. Aww – lovely list and very true. You’re right they will remember who we are, not little things we did or didn’t do. #coolmumclub

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