In this, the 2nd edition of the #beingamother project, I’m thrilled to introduce the fab Sarah from Run Jump Scrap – one of my favourite bloggers to talk candidly about motherhood – to share her thoughts on what being a mother means to her. In case you missed out on the 1st edition, you can find out more about the #beingamother project here. So without further ado, let’s hand over to Sarah…
I’ll be honest. I wanted a baby lots but I wasn’t sure I actually liked other people’s children. Of course I liked the offspring of friends and family but just a random child in the street? I wasn’t sure. Sometimes I worried I would feel the same about my little one.
Then the other worries started; how would I cope with so little sleep? What would I do if they stopped breathing? The list goes on. Ultimately you can plan and mentally think out every scenario whilst you are pregnant but no one prepares you for that bundle arriving. The elation, fear, shock, love, numbness (I felt that at first!), relief that labour is over and the anticipation for what is yet to come.
Now I have my gorgeous girl and I have had her for 20 months these are my thoughts on what being a Mum means to me:
The Love. Wow it is like nothing I have ever felt before. I look at her chatting to me and I could actually kiss her all over. I want to squeeze her and cuddle her so tightly all the time. There is nothing better than snuggling in bed reading a story or having a little chat. It is innate, it is intense and it is amazing.
The overwhelming feeling of the need to protect her. It breaks my heart when another child accidently pushes her or upsets her. I just want to take her home, cuddle on the sofa and never venture outside again. Of course we don’t but you would do anything to keep them safe.
The guilt. I work, I feel guilty. I go away without her, I feel guilty. I miss something she says as I am messing with my phone, I feel guilty. It’s ridiculous. I need to have a life and be Sarah too but I constantly worry about missing out, missing her and her noticing I am not there.
The frustration. Does she listen to me? Does she heck. Do I want to scream? All the flipping time. Nothing has tested my patience more and I have none. She won’t eat fruit, she throws food on the floor and her opinions change daily. I have failed and screamed at her before and it was awful. I try every day to keep my cool and do the best I can.
The responsibility. You barely know how to look after yourself and then you are expected to look after a child? You have to teach them right from wrong, to be confident, and to have self-esteem, to eat healthily, to pick and trust the right people in life. Oh my flipping GOODNESS.
The exhaustion. Do I need to say more? Feeding, teething, illness. It takes it out of you. Interrupted sleep strips us of our deep sleep, which we need to fully process our crazy days. No wonder all Mums are caffeine addicts blearily adding salt to our cuppas.
The wonder. How can this little person be so clever? How can she know and understand so much? Did she just say that? My heart wants to burst with pride when she clearly says “thank you Mummy” when I give her something or she hugs me for no reason.
The appreciation of innocence. Life is busy. You forget how awesome it is to stroke a cat, to blow a dandelion clock head, to sniff a flower, to plane spot. To my girlie these are just amazing and I am getting to appreciate them all over again. She’s so naïve and it’s just beautiful to watch.
The devastation of my post-breastfeeding boobs. I think that says it all really. No amount of push up bras are ever going to redeem that one.
The fear of losing it all. She is just so perfect. We have a lovely family and yet you hear so many stories about illness, death and the fear rises and it can take your breath away. This makes you appreciate every moment and cherish what you have.
You have none or very little for yourself. You get up and it’s Mum mode immediately. Leggings, scruffy hair, no make-up are a standard. Date nights with the hubby are craved and a trip to the hairdressers is bliss!
I wouldn’t change any of it for the world though. She’s my little world. I may stumble through motherhood a little bleary-eyed but I’m learning lots as I go.
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