#Beingamother project issue 6: What motherhood means to..The Unmumsy Mum

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Umsy Mum 1

Welcome to the 6th edition of the #Beingamother project. I’m very excited that this issue sees one of my favourite bloggers to tell this motherhood thing like it is – Sarah of the The Unmumsy Mum – stepping up to the plate with her thoughts on what motherhood means to her. So sit back, relax and get ready for a dose of laugh out loud realism…

Umsy Mum 2

A couple of weeks after Boy One was born, a friend asked me “So do you feel, you know, different now you’re a mum?”

“No,” I said. “Not really”.

I mean I felt differently physically. My boobs were like boulders and half a stone of human had just emerged from my vagina. I’d had finer hours.

But emotionally, mentally, in my head….no, I felt very much the same. I looked in the mirror and saw a fatter and more tired version of myself but it was the Same Old Me. Holding a baby.

Sure being a parent had kick-started a massive wave of changes to my life and body but it wouldn’t change my personality. Amongst the nappies and the muslins and the breast pads I was just the same. I wouldn’t let the Old Me be swamped by the Mum Me. Motherhood certainly wouldn’t define me

Well, three years (and another baby) later and I have wavered on this.

I had a bit of a moment in the car recently. I was alone, on my way to the childminder’s, and I had dared to put a CD on. A compilation. A MIX TAPE. Clearly I was kidding myself that I still went out drinking and dancing and thinking I was cool because Jay Z’s ‘Niggas in Paris’ featured on this CD. I know. And at the exact same time I turned up “ball so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me” I caught sight of myself in the rear-view mirror. I glanced the Maxi-Cosi car seat and cat shaped sun shade. I spied the slightly crinkly corner of my eye and the shit job I had done at concealing my under-eye bags. And I suddenly felt like a twat for singing about muhfuckas.

I felt like a mum.

The sun shade and the car seat and the fact I would imminently be swapping Jay Z for the Disney CD proved my life is not the same.

Having children has changed it beyond words. I no longer feel care-free.

I feel an enormous responsibility not to fuck it all up, to make sure I keep them safe and happy.

I feel anxious that I am not good enough. That they deserve better because sometimes I don’t cope all that well. I don’t love every second. I shout. I swear. I cry. Sometimes I long for the life when I listened to mix tapes and had nights out and didn’t have under-eye bags.

I look at my boys and can’t quite believe they are mine. I can’t quite believe I made actual proper small human beings. They are my masterpieces and I will never have anything more important to my name.

My boys have changed me.

I am not the same. I am no longer resisting the change.

Read The Unmumsy Mum’s blog here and follow her on Facebook and Twitter here. 

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  1. This post really resonated with me. I’ve actually had a few similar moments recently in the car listening to my pre-motherhood music! For a few seconds I get a wave of nostalgia for my ‘old’ life but that tends to be seen through rose-tinted glasses and really I was never as young and hip as I like to think. Yes I’ve changed but if anything I’ve become more ‘me’. Bring on the mum’s equivalent of pipe and slippers!

  2. As I have read this the tears have welled up in my eyes, I am also a proud mother of two with an 8 year age gap between, I often hanker after the irresponsible version of myself before children, and sometimes wonder even what I might be like without children, I am in no way a mummy mum sometimes I see myself more of a guide to make sure they don’t die! But I could never ever in a million years be without my babies, they are my life and they have made and shaped me into the person I am today, I’m off to Glastonbury next week to pretend I’m young and free with just girls and I know I’m going to have the time of my life BUT I know how much I will miss my little munchkins and I’m already imagining their faces when I come back!
    Thanks for being honest and showing the world that being a mum is difficult and we don’t always have roses growing around our garden gate!

  3. I loved this. Really.. I’m not sure I could describe it better. Feeling you about your body feeling different too. 3/4 of a stone of baby vacated out of my vagina, not by best feeling moment either.

  4. I absolutely loved reading this. I have a six month old so I’m still very much in the denial phase – yes I would happily rap along with Jay-Z in my car. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I need to turn the volume down as I have a baby in the back. haha. I will add though that I also know all of the words to the Little Mermaid’s ‘Part of that world’ – and I have a Disney album in the glovebox just waiting for when she’s old enough to sing along with me. I can see the future all too clearly now 😉 Thanks for sharing x

  5. Reading these reminds me exactly why the unmumsy mum is one of my favouritest blogs. I once had a similar moment with a Jamie T album in the car…you better not forget to switch that one pretty quick before picking up any mumsy friends, the opening lines are pretty, warm, unmumsy! 😉 x MMT

  6. Hahaha I’m a little bit in love with you after reading this! Feeling like a twat for singing about muhfuckas, I laughed so hard! I have always loved Eminem… I mean, I know, I KNOW. Now I frown at The Hubs and say, “Language!” if he curses!

    And I’ve lost it with my pair on many occasions… Always feel sick with guilt afterwards. Good job I also constantly kiss and hug them so they know they’re loved!

    Thanks for sharing and making me laugh!

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