Mum anger: Navigating the mum rage inside

mum rage
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Today, I want to dive headfirst into a topic that we’ve all experienced but rarely talk about. In fact, it’s a bit of a dirty secret….mum anger. Yes, you read that right! I’ve felt it, you’ve felt it and other mums everywhere have felt it! But probably won’t admit to it.

It’s that moment when you feel like your head is about to explode, and you’re one toddler tantrum away from losing it completely. So, grab a cup of coffee (or wine – no judgment here) and let’s have a candid chat about this rollercoaster ride called motherhood.

The Myth of the Perfect Mum

First things first, let’s debunk the myth of the “perfect mum.” You know the one we see on Instagram, with her perfectly styled hair, smiling kids, and spotless home? Yeah, that’s not real life! Real motherhood is messy, chaotic, and comes with its fair share of ups and downs.

As mums, we often put immense pressure on ourselves to be patient, nurturing, and endlessly understanding. But let’s get real – we’re human, and it’s okay to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and yes, even angry sometimes. It doesn’t make us bad mums; it makes us human mums.

My Toddler’s Tantrum: The Breaking Point

I experienced the height of my mum rage when my daughter was a toddler. For some reason, her tantrums just totally triggered me! Something about that defiance and her early 5am wake ups and constant meltdowns just built up in me and then – boom! In that moment, my anger boiled over, and I shouted louder than I ever thought I would. One time I hit the kitchen table so hard in the midst of my mum rage that my daughter jumped out of her skin. I immediately felt awful and full of self-loathing. The guilt that followed was overwhelming.

The Guilt That Follows: My Personal Struggle

But here’s the kicker – after that storm of mum rage passes, the guilt sets in. We start questioning our abilities as mothers. “Did I just traumatize my child?” “Am I a terrible mum?” These thoughts flood our minds, and it feels like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

I’ve been there, trust me. That incident with the kitchen table? It haunted me for days. But here’s what I’ve learned: acknowledging mum rage is the first step toward dealing with it. It doesn’t make us bad mums; it makes us human mums who are doing their best in an incredibly tough job.

Finding Ways to Cope

So, what can we do when mum rage rears its ugly head? Here are a few strategies that have helped me – and might help you too:

  1. Take a Deep Breath: When you feel the rage building, step away for a moment. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or even excuse yourself to the bathroom for a quick breather. It can make all the difference.
  2. Seek Support: You’re not alone in this journey. Reach out to friends, family, or fellow mums who can lend an empathetic ear. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic.
  3. Self-Care: Remember that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, taking some time out to say some positive affirmations, or enjoying a hot bath, prioritize self-care.
  4. Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the idea of being a perfect mum. Embrace the messiness of motherhood, and remember that your love and care are what truly matter.
  5. Professional Help: If mum rage becomes a persistent issue and begins to affect your daily life, consider seeking professional help. There’s no shame in reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support. Having therapy to help me deal with my overwhelm and mum rage was the single best thing I could have down for myself and my daughter.

If you have found this because you’ve been experiencing episodes of mum rage I want you to know that you’re not alone, and you’re doing an incredible job. Remember that it’s okay to feel angry at times; it doesn’t define your worth as a mother. It is often the product of the messiness of motherhood and the overwhelm that accompanies it. Know that you’re loved, appreciated, and stronger than you think.

2 comments

  1. Thank you for writing this – I totally feel you! I have felt like you describe several times, but I didn’t know what to call it to be able to talk about it. I guessed it was part of my depressive mood – but maybe it’s a separate feeling, although somehow maybe the two things are reciprocal?

  2. (Not sure if my comment was saved?!)
    Thank you for writing this – I have felt the way you describe several times, but I didn’t know what to call it to be able to really talk about it. I guessed it was just part of my depressive mood (PND). But I suppose actually these might be two separate, though reciprocal, issues?

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