How friendships change when you have a baby

One of the biggest mind-blowers when I became a mum which I totally was not prepared for was what friendships change when you have a baby. I just had never given it any thought, and then to see many friendships fade, some disappear completely when you are at one of the most vulnerable times in your life, and then some surprisingly strengthen and then of course new friendships develop out of the blue can mean that your friendships can look very different in motherhood.

I feel the change we experience in friendships as mums  is something that so many of us go through, but something that so few of us seem to talk about openly. But wouldn’t we feel much better if we did? If we knew that we all experienced these changes on some level?

Why do friendships change when you have a baby?

Friendships can change after a baby is born for several reasons:

  1. Time constraints: New parents often have less free time, which can make it difficult to maintain close relationships with friends.
  2. Priorities: Having a baby can change one’s priorities and focus, which can lead to differences with friends who may not understand the changes.
  3. Different lifestyles: The dynamic of a relationship can change when one friend has a baby and the other does not, leading to differences in lifestyle and interests.
  4. Different parenting styles: Different parenting styles can lead to disagreements and tension between friends who are both parents.
  5. Changes in dynamics: The birth of a baby can also change the dynamic of a friendship, leading to feelings of jealousy or resentment if one friend feels left out or neglected.

However, it is also possible for friendships to grow stronger after a baby is born, especially if both friends are willing to adapt and make changes to accommodate the new situation.

Let’s take a look in more detail at the how friendships change when you have a baby….

Priorities change

When you become a parent, your priorities change and sadly you don’t get to see your friends as often as you once did. If they are true friends it doesn’t matter though as when you do meet up, it is just like old times. In some cases, your friendships definitely grow stronger as you rely on your friends for support and someone you can be honest with when times are tough.

If you are one of the first of your friends to have a baby, this might affect your friendship, particularly as they won’t realise at that point just how much having a baby changes your life. It may feel that are less supportive during those baby days as their priorities are different which can leave you feeling quite alone. and I ended up feeling quite alone as you struggle to explain why you are too exhausted to stay out late partying like you used to or the nightmare of finding a babysitter.

Some fade or disappear, others grow

Often it depends on the individual friendship. You may find there are some people you grow apart from but others you get closer to. Having my daughter eventually opened up a whole world of potential new friends and now some of my ‘mummy’ friends are my closest which is great. 

On the flip side, you may find you lose the majority of friends when you become a mother and adjust to life as a new parent, even those you have been friends with for the longest time which can be really sad and hurtful. Some may no longer be close friends as they don’t have children and may even find it difficult to be around people who have what they are unable to or currently struggling for. You may find that different parenting styles and beliefs get in the way also.

But on a positive note, there are those who weren’t close friends who you then become close with once you have children. And then there will be new friends you make through NCT, playgroups, playgrounds, nursery and so on.  It can really be a case of all change and for many, having children shows them who their friends really are/were. 

What has been your experience of friendships after baby? Do leave a comment and share below.

40 comments

  1. I loved this post!! I think for me it’s a combination. I have a very good friend from school (she isn’t married with kids) who I know I can see after a few month and it’s like we haven’t been apart. I also have really close friends I only met since I had the girls.

  2. Very true post. Priorities and lifestyles change after becoming a mum, so it’s only normal that friendships go through a transition as well. While some fade away, stronger ones don’t – even if one friend is a mother and the other isn’t. But the best part is the new ‘mom friends’ you make along the way… often, these new friends becomes your besties for years to come!
    #coolmumclub

  3. I’m 29 weeks pregnant and can already feel how some dynamics change. Simply not being able to join in the same events when you have a very large watermelon protruding from you, or friends making future plans that you know you simply won’t be able to make, but smiling sweetly and saying “yes, yes, that sounds like a lovely idea, count me in for now” but secretly knowing you will be in a fog of baby sick and poo by then.

    But then there are some great friends that will always be there for you no matter what, they are the ones that for me are normally telling me to pull myself together and just get on with living no matter how big the watermelon is or how much sick I think will be in my hair!

  4. I am shocked at how many people lost friends after having a baby. I would say keeping in touch with old friends is more difficult now as life is so busy but when I do meet up with them it always feels like no time has passed at all. Mum friends are amazing, I struggle making them but the mummy friends I do have are some of my best friends xx #coolmumclub

  5. I love this, I don’t think I was prepared for this so it’s good to talk about it. It’s just another adjustment to the hurricane in your life that is having a baby! #coolmumclub

  6. Brilliant post and so relateable – things change once baby comes along and your friendships are one of them. But those who are your true friends get you through those tough early days and that means everything xx #coolmumclub

  7. I’ve got less friends now. But the ones I have are very good. The kind you can not see for months, and it will be fine! #coolmumclub

  8. I’ve found that friends without children don’t understand how much your life changes and seeing them becomes harder because they think a baby just sits in a highchair end of. On the other hand I’ve made some awesome new friends too! #coolmumclub

  9. Its definitely been a combination for me. Some have deepened, some have faded. I see that seems very normal! I enjoyed reading this #coolmumclub

  10. Great post, but also a little sad that we sometimes loose people close to us just because we have had a baby, which is usually when we need them the most! I lost contact with two really close friends but my mother tells me now that you don’t loose “close” friends you loose the fake ones and I think to a certain degree she is right!

    #coolmumclub

  11. This is such a good post and something that is really close to my heart at the moment. I am losing a lot of friends as they don’t realise that I have to put my little boy before everything else, which sometimes means I have to cancel, or change my plans. it is really hard and I don’t have any friends with children so I do feel incredibly isolated #coolmumclub

  12. My friendships definitely changed after having children. For the most part, my friends didn’t have children and so I felt quite isolated. Also, with four children I literally no longer had the time or energy for nights out or mid-week meals and it did slowly chip away at friendships. That said, my true friends were there throughout, always will be! #coolmumclub

  13. I loved reading these. I’ve moved area since becoming a Mum so I’ve made lots of new friends and carried on other friendships long distance. But definitely just deepened those friendships. #coolmumclub

  14. Great post! So much changes when you have a child. I’ve made so many new friends from having children and hardly see my old friends.
    Some of my new friends I feel like I have known all my life as we have so much incommon.
    Having children opens up so many new doors!
    #coolmumclub

  15. Friendship changes around my pregnancy and birth shocked me. Many of my friendships stayed the same, others developed in a way I wasn’t expecting and some just faded which I wasn’t surprised by. Two very bad experiences left me shaky though, a close friend from work just literally decided I no longer existed and wouldn’t even acknowledge me and one of my oldest friends made it clear she no longer valued my friendship. These both hurt a lot but in the long run I know I’m better off, far better off. #coolmumclub

  16. I lost a very old friend when my children were born, i havent quite come to terms with it but I read somewhere that you don’t lose friends but find out who the real ones are and that made it easier. What a fascinating post, thank you for sharing this x #coolmumclub

  17. My only friends are on the internet now, it’s very sad.
    That’s a joke btw 😉
    You already know how much I love this post! It’s always good to see the unsaid being said – especially by you pickle! #coolmumclub

  18. I’m pretty much the last one in our group to have a baby but we have all stayed friends through thick and thin. I used to like the cuddles then giving them Back when the crying started ha! Having a baby really made me appreciate what they had been going through. Although now all we talk about is our kids when we get together – you never switch off do you!

  19. Love this post. I think true friendships will stand the test of baby time! I can count on one hand the friends that have stuck by me and their friendship is so precious. The true kind. The kind I can go weeks and sometimes months without seeing and nothing changes. That’s the kind to hang on to! #coolmumclub

  20. It sounds like so many of you could relate with so many different aspects of this post. I thought it was so important to get it all out there so thanks so much for reading my lovelies xoxo

  21. So interesting to read the others’ comments. Definitely agree that some friendships deepen and others don’t make it through the baby years. I think we are in survival mode and we surround ourselves with the people we need to make it, not in a selfish way – it’s a natural thing; we gravitate towards people with similar things going on. I still love going out with single, childless friends but I obviously see them way less now. #coolmumclub

  22. It seems that i’ve lost many friends i had previously but i think its all because everyones lives are so busy – i dont see my remaining friends often but whatsapp is a wonderful thing and i know they read my blog so at least i know what ive been up to! #coolmumclub

  23. I’m still waiting for my ‘old’ friends to have babies. I’m making new mum friends now as it’s just simpler that way. A few long distance moves hasn’t helped me keep in touch though, so I can’t solely blame parenting for fading away. #coolmumclub

  24. These are lovely quotes and a great post – I can relate to it. I agree so much changes when you have a child, and in my cases I’ve experienced a bit of everything. Priorities and lifestyles change after becoming a mum and this translates into friendship as well. -Nicky

  25. Very true. Things do change. I think it’s mostly the shift in priorities. I think that also having kids can be the push that causes you to break away from any toxic friendships you once had – it no longer seems worth the energy to bother with people who you know are not healthy for your life. #coolmumclub

  26. I am finding that I got into some bad habits with friendships. I was quite down for a while and isolated myself using “work/child = too busy” but now I could meet friends and have developed poor habits. Even my child free mates will meet in a cafe by day, especially now I can leave my child with dad (she used to breastfeed a lot!) Or she can read a book or colour in. But I’ve got socially shy.
    Sometimes we have to look at what seem to be natural changes and evaluate whether they need a nudge or a tweak. I think I may have more friends than I realise.

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