Being a mother is never easy, but imagine if you are in a toxic relationship – life is a constant balancing act between protecting the safety of our children and yourself the uncontrollable rage of your husband.  Unfortunately, this nightmare scenario is a fact of life for too many mothers as the man they married turned out to be a monster.   While leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult, it is not impossible.  Here are some of the thing you need to know to get away from an abusive husband.

The first thing to know is that you are not alone and the millions of people are willing to help.  In fact, finding help is as simple as calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  The number is 0808 2000 247.  This hotline has been set up provide advice and support to mothers who are in seemingly impossible situations.

Another thing to know is this.  If you are at risk of physical harm, then don’t wait.  Reach out to a counselor or an attorney to get the help you need today.  If you live in the Badger State, then you might want to check out this blog on divorce in Wisconsin as it will provide some insight into how the process will work.

Now let’s get down to the action items which will help to liberate you and your children from your tormentor.

Once you have spoken to a solicitor to find out what legal protections are available to you, you will want to go about retaining counsel.  If you lack the resource to pay for an solicitor, then you might want to reach out to legal aid.  While these attorneys might not be the best that money can buy, they will help you to get the ball rolling.

Another option is to talk to a few of the better firms in town to see if they would be willing to take on your case ‘pro bono’.  At a minimum, this could ‘poison the well’ as such conversations might preclude the targeted firms from representing your husband.

A word on finances.  This is one of the biggest reasons why women stay in abusive relationships and it is real shame.  Granted, getting away from your husband may have a dramatic impact on your financial situation but is it worth staying in a relationship where you are not valued?

The next step on your journey to get away from your abusive husband is to find a friend or a shelter where you can stay.    Fortunately, there are numerous resources for women who are seeking shelter from abusive husbands and a good place to start is at Shelter and Women’s Aid. Reaching out to these organizations will help you to find a shelter where you and your children can stay while you look to rebuild your life.

One key to remember during this time is that you don’t want your husband to know where you are going.  As such, you will want to make sure you have some cash or personal credit cards that you can use – don’t use any joint accounts.  Also, you will want to petition a court or work out some way in which you can legally remove your children from school.

Make sure that you have the originals of important documents that you will need. These include your driver’s license, social security cards, passports, and birth certificates for you and your children, as well as insurance information – health and life.

In addition, you will want to make sure you have the title to your vehicle and that the title lists you as the owner.  This way your husband cannot report the vehicle as stolen.  This will also give you the option to turn in the old plates and get new plates issued for the car – hence making it harder for your husband to track your vehicle.

If you do have any joint accounts with your husband, you will want copies of all the account statements as well as access to the account via the internet and signatory power at the bank.  At a minimum, this can be used to place a hold on these accounts until a court decides how the assets will be split.

From there, you will want to get a second cell phone, also known as a ‘burner phone’.  One of the best ways to do this is to get a prepaid plan from one of the carriers.  In this way, no bill will come to the house and all you will need to do is switch out the sim card when the time is right.

Now that you have laid the groundwork, then you will want to start packing.  Make sure you have all your jewelry and other valuables as well as any items which are important to your children.

When the day comes to move, don’t do it alone.  Make sure that you have a trusted friend or someone else to help you.  This is not only to help speed up the move but they can act as a witness if your husband happens to turn up unexpectedly.

Finally, make sure you are familiar with your new surroundings.  Install extra lighting, map out escape routes, and get to know your neighbours as they can provide help when needed.

Getting away from an toxic husband in difficult but it is not impossible and if you find yourself in this situation it is something you will want to consider as it will protect the health and wellbeing of your children and yourself.

If this is you right now, wishing you wholeheartedly the best of luck in your pursuit of a new life – Talya x