Last week, I ran an article about whether you would allow your partner to donate sperm, which has sparked much debate. Out of this came the opportunity to interview a sperm donor to a fellow parenting blogger, to find out why someone donates sperm, and what exactly is involved.

With many thanks to Mum Times Two for making this interview happen, and without further ado, let’s find out more about why this particular sperm donor chose to become one.

What initially prompted you to donate sperm?

After many years of being stuck in a rut I came to the conclusion I would never have the opportunity to have children myself and made my peace with that. Unexpectedly I found myself dating a woman and suddenly even though I had no plans it became possible for me to have kids. Our relationship didn’t work out in the end but it left me considering the possibility that I may have to wait many more years for that same opportunity again, for some reason this left me with an unshakable need to pass on my genes.

Are you a regular donor of sperm?

Not any more. In total I helped three families through private agreements, there were others which for whatever reason didn’t result in pregnancy. I stopped when I discovered my own son was on his way, I had certainly achieved my goal and I was concerned that too many children who don’t know each other poses risks when they start forming relationships of their own…

The actual “process” we seem to have in our minds of donating sperm…um…..is it really what we think it is?

I can’t speak of donation clinics or the more traditional, ‘official’ route as I have never done that, however a private agreement between adults is a very personal thing. Over the three years I did this I spoke to many people, some felt that a natural conception had a greater chance of success, some were very repulsed at that idea. I have wondered if some saw the method of delivery as an excuse to enjoy themselves! However on the whole, for the vast majority of families to be it is, for want of a better phrase, the turkey baster method.

Is there a certain feeling that you are doing something really meaningful by helping others to have children?

I think this varies from one case to the next. Every person who approached me had a story. The most recent had a medical condition which made pregnancy unlikely and I worked with her for quite a long time with no success, it did feel like this was something which would mean a lot to her, that she appreciated how special that life would be. Ironically on a month where I was unable to make it she met someone and within a few week they were expecting a child of their own. I think that was a perfect ending.

On the flip side one woman I travelled a long distance to help turned out to be very manipulative and by the time I left it became apparent there was a history of drug abuse. It is very hard to know how to feel in those cases and I simply have to focus on the wellbeing of the person I could end up creating.This is one of the dangers of donating outside of a clinic.

What are your thoughts on the ‘right to know’ law and privacy?

This is a very tricky subject. I would hate to think that people would be put off from donating because they feared their wishes would not be honoured. In my case I am very keen that those children would be able to know me if they choose to when the time comes. The biggest issue really is they you don’t even know if this is an issue for the first 10, 15, 18 years, until that child starts to ask those questions. I don’t think it is possible to have a fair law that takes into account the rights and wishes of someone who does not yet exist. For me it was a case of putting my wishes forward, agreeing with the parent(s) on common ground. I have been burned by one couple who have gone back on their word though I have no wish to cause disruption in the child’s life so have not pursued the matter.

Currently, there is a situation where the numbers of sperm donors are falling and we’re having to donate sperm from overseas – what do we need to encourage more men to donate sperm in the UK?

I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer that question, I’ve never had a problem with it so I’m not in that mindset. I suppose the classic macho stereotype holds a lot of people back. Until people act of their morals and instincts and worry less about what their peers think I doubt it will pick up. After all ‘real men’ would never admit to doing ‘that thing’ and if you donate it is undeniable.

Overall, would you say it’s easy or difficult to be a sperm donor?

It is now easier than ever before, with dedicated websites springing up for private arrangements you can essentially do it from your own living room. It does seem to me though that the NHS could make access to clinics far more visible. I have no idea where the neearest service is located or how to access it.

And lastly, if there’s one thing you could say about sperm donation it would be.…

Make sure you get a signed agreement stating exactly what you are and aren’t liable for. This will ensure you are not chased down at a later date for maintenance and that your wish fro anonymity (or not) is clearly recorded.

So what do you think about this man’s decision to donate sperm? Is the backstory what you expected it to be? Do leave a comment and share.

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