#Mumbumproblems: The woes of a mum bum

mum bum

Remember when you had a pert little bum number which you could slide into a pencil skirt without batting an eyelish? Or maybe you can’t. Because since becoming a mum you can bet that unless you are an A list celebrity with your own personal troupe of juicers, personal trainers and chefs that you have a MUM BUM!

The mum bum takes many shapes and forms, and has a sneaky way of poking you rudely in the eye when you least expect it…..

The swimsuit mum bum

After ten years you finally pluck up the courage to go to M&S and buy a new swim suit. Having forgotten all your swim suit dos and don’ts thanks to your silly mum brain….you stare at the dressing room mirror in disbelief you realise that where you once had two buttocks, you now seem to have….HOLY MOLY….four….FOUR? What is this some kind of cruel joke. No swimsuit should ever be cut that high *SOB*.

The flat as a pancake mum bum

In losing its pertness, your sagging bum now seems to have splayed out like a spatchcock chicken in all its flat un-glory. You wonder where all the juiciness has disappeared to and surmise that it’s probably gone the way of along everything that used to stop your boobs flopping over the side of your body when you lie down on the bed. Oh the shame!

The wibbly wobbly mum bum

God dammit, it doesn’t matter how many squats, lunges or burpees you ever do, your mum bum remains forever wobbly! Proving that you might as well just sit on your mum bum all day eating Nigella brownies because surely the outcome would be EXACTLY the same.

The mum bum that gets in the way of EVERYTHING!

Remember when you used to be able just slide through that tiny gap between that unreasonably small space left between your and the neighbouring car in the car park? Nope, those days are over. Somehow, your brain and your bum have very different ideas about what gaps you can get through, making you wish you had an emergency supply of Vaseline for emergency stuck! situations. And don’t even get me started about trying to get that mum bum through gaps in restaurants and buses….GOOD LORD! is there no end to the shame that our mum bums inflict on us?!

The mum bum that fits into nothing!

The rest of you might be tiny but no….you’re mum bum has other ideas! If only you had a personal tailor to navigate this new body type you seem to have amassed since motherhood. Ahhh now THEN I could live with a mum bum.

Do you have a wayward mum bum? What sort of problems does it cause you?

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Picture credit: Icons made by Freepik from www.flaticon.com is licensed by CC 3.0 BY

38 comments

  1. Honestly it’s been SUCH a shock (er…I still can’t believe I wore those effing white jeans at BiBs!) I’ve always been slim so the whole awful bum thing is so hard to live with. And we’re in bikinis for a large part of the year so the pressure is on! Mine used to look good at least in jeans…those days are fading away. Hilarious post as usual. x
    absolutely prabulous recently posted…6 Easy Halloween Ideas To Make Your Home Look SpooktacularMy Profile

  2. Haha!!! It’s depressingly accurate
    I used to be so slim and never had to worry about what I ate pre kids but now, I only have to look at a bit of cake and it’s sitting there on my arse I have a combo of the butt that’s in the way all the time and a wobbly one…no bikinis here anymore. Full on swimsuits with built in shorts x

  3. I remember the first time I met my “mum bum” just after giving birth to my first. It was a Thursday. I was in the hospital bathroom. My husband was with me (helping me get my giant ass into the bath). I glanced in the mirror and was instantly reminded of “That” episode of Sex & The City where Samantha dates the 70 year old and he turns to go to the bathroom. That was my bottom. Attached to actual thirty mumbles year old me! I’ve never recovered. Thanks for the giggles lovely. Good to know I’m not alone! Xx #coolmumclub
    Rhyming with Wine recently posted…I’m Going to Blogfest! Eek!My Profile

  4. I definitely have a wibbly wobbly one now! and it is about 4 inches lower than it should be. I asked my husband the other day why on earth my knickers wouldn’t stay in place but my three year olds do… Poor man! I didn’t mean to ask such a difficult question. He did well, he did point out it was one of those unfortunate side effects of motherhood! He has a point, the things people don’t tell you hey!
    #coolmumclub

  5. Taekwon-do works wonders for the mumbum. I’m not saying it’s the miracle cure, but I thoroughly recommend it. I also recommend never, ever going near those evil 3 way mirrors in M&S – I’ve even blogged about them! Alison x #coolmumclub
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…Oh Shit!My Profile

  6. I’m trying so hard not to laugh at Emmas comment above…but how rude was she about her Mum?!
    Back to bums…. I think I’m opting for a mum-bum-denial approach, after all it’s behind me, so I can’t see it. Hoorah!
    Lots of love your always adoring co-host, Bum Muddling Through x #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 44My Profile

  7. I think I have the jelly bum, it’s all karma really as when I was 4 or 5 I told the whole airplane about my mums bottom wobbling every time she cleaned her teeth!!! I used to have an amazing arse… dammit
    #coolmumclub

  8. Hilarious. I have been enticed by the promise of a BarreButt by my barrecore group and keenly work my glutes every week in an effort to defy gravity, sometimes it is ok but then others I am sure it looks pancake like. Age is a terrible thing. Thanks for the giggle. #coolmumclub

  9. YES!! The mum bum! Thank you! My bum is not going to be the same ever again is it…. And you’re so right, my legs go into jeans and then as soon as they reach my bum it all grinds to a halt. Hilarious as always. Perfect little read with a quiet cuppa his afternoon (little man fast asleep!) thanks!! BBTG -X-

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