Don’t get me wrong – I am all for sisterhood and making each other’s lives better in this motherhood thing, however I can’t help feeling that are some mums who might not be in the same game, or perhaps they are even on a totally different planet. In fact, this feeling has been sneaking up on me for a while, so it’s time to be out with it because there are some muma who should know better….
1. The mum who makes you feel CRAZYYYYY!
Look you know what? I already feel crazy running around like a hormone crazed
headless chicken in this epic parenting palaver, so the last thing I need it you acting like you totally can’t relate to where I am coming from and like I must be the ONLY ONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD feeling like this, while all of you out there reading this are feeling crazy too (because that’s why you’re reading this right?). So do me a favour, please just humour me and act like you’re feeling just a teeny weeny bit crazy too, just so we can all be a bit more real about this, ok? The world would be a much better place for it.
2. The mum who pretends you’re not there
Life is hard enough without always being the one to make conversation when you would rather be hiding in a cupboard stuffing your face full of Dairy Milk. So please, save both us from that awkward thing that happens when you’re both in the same room/street as each other and you know – TALK! Go on, push through the barriers! Don’t pretend like you didn’t see me and look the other way because that will never make another mum feel good…more like a piece of turd stuck to your shoe. Talking is a free action after all, and if we all talked a bit more, a lot of mums would probably feel a lot less lonely as mums
3. The mum who looks like they have walked out of a Joules catalogue (who I want to throw a bucket of water over)
Look, last time I checked, we weren’t all pretending to be Kate Middleton on the school run. I want to see Rice Krispie besmerched sweaters, I want to see leggings covered in – what on earth is that substance anyway??! – but I do not need to see a mum who looks like she has walked out of a Joules catalog first thing in the morning. You might as well just push me over into a puddle and be done with it.
4. The mum who never admits to losing their S***
Closely related to number one, unless you have had some kind of secret lobotomy where you no longer feel any emotion connected to your little ones pressing your buttons, you are doing absolutely nobody any favours by looking like you just came down in the last rain shower, straight from heaven, with a troupe of angels (your children) tagging behind you. You know, and I know that kids can push you way over to the brink and back, so stop acting like your feathers have never been ruffled once in your life!
5. The mum who always over shares (but not the juicy bits)
Don’t get me wrong….I am all for a bit of oversharing…it makes us all feel a bit better to know what’s actually going on in someone else’s life, but oversharing of totally mundane facts about your and your children’s comings and goings. No. Just no. I don’t care which extra curricular classes they have and when. I don’t care about where you’ll be ferrying them off to at the weekend. Time is precious, and my brain could very well fall out of my ear at any moment. So please, go and bore a Starbucks barista instead.
6. The mum who always coughs in your face while talking to you
NOOOOOOOO! Don’t you get that we are all in a perpetual cycle of colds
trying to dodge germs, not rack up new ones? We have enough germs to deal with without having them coughed in our face mid conversation. If you can’t say anything without coughing….well you know how this one ends.
7. The mum who plies your child with sugar and leaves you to deal with the aftermath
Hey! Don’t get me wrong. I’m not adverse to a few biscuits, some chocolate, a nice cupcake and the odd lollipop here and there, but a constant afternoon’s supply of sugar? You know and I know how all that sugar is going to affect their behaviour
and that it’s going to lead to the mother of all crashes, tantrums and general hell. So WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING???????! THIS I can seriously do without. Time to put the lid back on the stash tin please.
Gosh this list could go on couldn’t it? I feel a part two coming very, very soon.
Do you have any or all of these in your life? Which gets your goat the most?
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