How to give yourself permission to live your life, your way

not so perfect mum
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If you’ve been a mum for a few years now it can be hard to believe you use to have another name. You know the name you were born with rather than one you’ve acquired in recent times —MUMMM!! Do you remember her? Back in the day when you use to live your life, you way – lay in until all hours, do your own thing and had no responsibility? Nope, I can’t remember either as it seems so long ago.

She’s under there!

Well, believe it or not under all the washing, ironing, endless nappies, career, school runs, bills, homework and the endless to-do list is a woman — an extraordinary woman with her own mind, passion, purpose and drive. You may see her regularly and if this is the case for you great, but if you’re wondering when was the last time you saw this amazing woman, then we must have a chat.

I understand your children are your world and the majority of us would do anything for our kids, but you must, simply must have your own identity and me-time while raising a family. Otherwise, you could begin to disappear and feel lost once your children flee the nest. I believe this is important to remember as time flies by and one minute your changing nappies, the next your heart is aching (or relieved!) because they’re off to school and then they’re packing up to leave home.

Ignore other people and live your life

Some people will think that having a career, hobby, passion, free time, nights out with the girls while raising a family is selfish. Some people will say you can’t have it all and some will say you wanted kids, so you have to sacrifice all of your time for them.

People are always going to be full of judgments and opinions, and you can’t please all of the people all of the time! You can’t live your life for other people; you have to do what’s right for you and your family. Of course, there has to be a balance, and you chose to have a family so yes this is your responsibility but this does not mean you can’t do or have things for yourself.

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You do you

If you’ve been dreaming about a night out with friends, or some time alone book it in.

If you’ve wanted to start your own business, begin with a step towards this when the kids are in bed.

If you don’t know what you want to do, begin by writing down some things which interest or energise you and go from there.

If you have a career and now want to follow your passion then begin as this is only place to start!

If you want to learn another language or further your education, then have a look online for a course which you could do at your own pace.

If you’ve wanted to write a book or become a blogger, again begin. A few sentences a day will make all the difference, and then you’re already headed in the right direction.

You are important

Many of us are afraid of what people will think if we say we want more, or it could be you thought having children would be enough, and now you feel guilty because you desire more. There are a number of reasons but in all honesty, what’s important is you.

How you feel and what you want is equally as important as your children. Too many of us live from a place of what people expect of us, and how we should live according to our culture, rather than what we truly desire.

I know from personal experience I gave everything to my kids, and I was left with nothing in the tank. I was the martyr (many women fall into this trap) and rushed around like a looney doing everything. I believed for a long time, you had to sacrifice and give everything.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and if I had my time again, I would without doubt rest more, spend more time with friends, get to know myself better, say no and 100% stop people-pleasing.

Listen up!

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong in wanting to be more as a person or having a night away from your family.

There’s nothing wrong in saying you’re exhausted, and you need some me-time or you want a night out with your partner.

There’s nothing wrong with getting someone else to help pick up your children from school so you can get your hair done.

There’s nothing wrong with having a career, or hobby as well as raising a family.

There’s nothing wrong with saying no and speaking up.

There’s nothing wrong with having a pyjama day and eating cake!

There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re unhappy and you want things to change.

Being open, real and authentic allows you the opportunity to live your life on your terms and there’s no greater liberation than this.

It’s now over to you – if you have a burning desire to do more, have more or be more then permit yourself to live your life, your way! A courageous way to live as you’re not conforming, blending in with everyone else and not playing your life small. The bonus is you become a great example to your children, as this will give them permission to do the same in their own life.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

UNDERNEATH YOUR MUM PERSONA IS AN EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN

IGNORE OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS AND JUDGMENTS

LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU AND NOBODY ELSE

live your life permissions slip
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PERMIT YOURSELF TO LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOUR WAY

BONUS IS YOUR CHILDREN WILL BENEFIT FROM YOUR WONDERFUL EXAMPLE

ABOUT THE NOT SO PERFECT MUM

Teresa is the author of the forthcoming book “I should have bought a puppy; Parenting with heart, honesty and humour.” Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

14 comments

  1. I am lucky my husband has always helped me with household chores and parneting so i have been able to build my business. I feel like a balance is essential and you need family and work in your life.

  2. It took me a long time, but I finally realized I had to stop paying attention to other people’s opinions and do what is right for me and my family.

  3. I love this so much. I think we all fall into the trap of trying to be what we’re supposed to be, and that can make a person really unhappy.

  4. I have to admit this is something I struggle with – my other half does a lot to remind me to put myself first at some points and stop being so stubborn and relax.

  5. I super agree to this. I hate it when a friend of mine is being judged just because she chooses to continue her career while having children. Being a mom is a new beginning not an end of something.

  6. If anything my husband does more than I do! He has always been very helpful in many ways.

  7. I’m spending my me time by drawing and painting something that comes to my mind. It’s relaxing and I’m enjoying it alot. Choosing your self is not wrong. Let’s live the way we wanted to spend our time with. I love this self awereness topic!

  8. I really love this kind of articles about self love. People needs to know these articles and learn how to love their selves.

  9. It’s not easy at all to live your life your way. You need to consider a lot of persons around you. But I hope I will do it!

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