The other day I read on a forum somewhere that parents have ABC sex – namely, sex on anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas. So tickled by this I was, I wondered whether in a bid for more parental sex, we might actually have a shot of having a whole A-Z of parental sex. Well the only way to find out is this….
A for anniversary – seriously, if you can’t celebrate the day you got together or married with a little how’s your father, the prospects for the rest of the year are not looking good!
B for birthdays – sex, you can’t go wrong with that as a birthday present, surely?
C for Christmas – you can thank all the mulled wine for that!
D for date night – the pressure is on. Do or die.
E for Easter – come on, all the animals are feeling frisky – so should you. And you know a chocolate egg is not REALLY as good as sex, anyway.
F for fortnightly – twice a month, the holy grail of all parental sex.
G for get outta here! – otherwise known as, no sex for anyone at this moment in time.
H for Halloween – something about dressing up in all those costumes, must be.
I for is this really happening? – that amazing moment when somehow, you managed to fit in some sex, then stare at each other in disbelief and wonder on how you were able to make it happen
J for just a quick one – because something is always better than nothing in my book.
K for kidding...sex? parents? you gotta be…right?!
L for lying. – to your kids…because basically you’ll need to tell them you’re doing your taxes..or something.
M for multitasking – c’mon now…let’s be real about this….you’re still thinking about that wash you didn’t put on…
N for not – in a month of sundays…because if you had a month of sundays it wouldn’t matter to you ANYWAY!
O for only – if we can do it in the dark…and nobody can see my wobbly bits.
P for pleasssseeeee…if one of you grovels enough, something is going to give.
Q for quickly – anything is possible if you can only do it quickly!
R for random acts of kindness day – let this be yours!
S for Spring – because ya know, it’s time for some spring cleaning down there!
T for Thanksgiving – because we should be thankful that our bits are ever still working after childbirth!
U for uterus – because it said so.
V for vagina – namely, because it’s twitching…and twitchy vaginas are just weird.
W for when the sky falls down – or at least, that can sometimes be what it feels like!
X for x-cuses – the more prominently featured eventuality on this list.
Y for yes – wait? did you just say yes!!?
Z for zzzzzs. – or not, because for just one in your life, you decided that sex was more important that sleep!
Phew – I think my brain just fell out of my ear doing that but at least for the most part I managed to prove that although we might not be able to rustle up a whole alphabet of parental sex, at least we managed to conjure up a little bit more than just a miserly ABC…! Now the question is…did I miss anything? Speak now or forever hold your peace!
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