The A B C of parental sex

Parental sex

The other day I read on a forum somewhere that parents have ABC sex – namely, sex on anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas. So tickled by this I was, I wondered whether in a bid for more parental sex, we might actually have a shot of having a whole A-Z of parental sex. Well the only way to find out is this….

A for anniversary – seriously, if you can’t celebrate the day you got together or married with a little how’s your father, the prospects for the rest of the year are not looking good!

B for birthdays – sex, you can’t go wrong with that as a birthday present, surely?

C for Christmas – you can thank all the mulled wine for that!

D for date night
– the pressure is on. Do or die.

E for Easter  – come on, all the animals are feeling frisky  – so should you. And you know a chocolate egg is not REALLY as good as sex, anyway.

F for fortnightly – twice a month, the holy grail of all parental sex.

G for get outta here!
– otherwise known as, no sex for anyone at this moment in time.

H for Halloween – something about dressing up in all those costumes, must be.

I for is this really happening?
– that amazing moment when somehow, you managed to fit in some sex, then stare at each other in disbelief and wonder on how you were able to make it happen

J for just a quick one – because something is always better than nothing in my book.

K for parents? you gotta be…right?!

L for lying. – to your kids…because basically you’ll need to tell them you’re doing your taxes..or something.

M for multitasking – c’mon now…let’s be real about this….you’re still thinking about that wash you didn’t put on…

N for not – in a month of sundays…because if you had a month of sundays it wouldn’t matter to you ANYWAY!

O for only – if we can do it in the dark…and nobody can see my wobbly bits.

P for pleasssseeeee…if one of you grovels enough, something is going to give.

Q for quickly – anything is possible if you can only do it quickly!

R for random acts of kindness day
– let this be yours!

S for Spring – because ya know, it’s time for some spring cleaning down there!

T for Thanksgiving – because we should be thankful that our bits are ever still working after childbirth!

U for uterus – because it said so.

V for vagina – namely, because it’s twitching…and twitchy vaginas are just weird.

W for when the sky falls down – or at least, that can sometimes be what it feels like!

X for x-cuses – the more prominently featured eventuality on this list.

Y for yes – wait? did you just say yes!!?

Z for zzzzzs. – or not, because for just one in your life, you decided that sex was more important that sleep!

Phew – I think my brain just fell out of my ear doing that but at least for the most part I managed to prove that although we might not be able to rustle up a whole alphabet of parental sex, at least we managed to conjure up a little bit more than just a miserly ABC…! Now the question is…did I miss anything? Speak now or forever hold your peace!

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  1. Well done!! This must have been very difficult! (we have an A-Z of motherhood which was so hard to write so I take my hat off to you for covering j, v, x and z! Our V is also vagina….!) Great post, love it (especially S – haha!) Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  2. Hahaha great post! W for “wow, we should do this more often!”…when you do it after a long dry spell and it’s really good! But the reality is usually too busy/tired the next night and so the cycle continues… Date night made me laugh…oh the pressure!! #coolmumclub

  3. Haha I am impressed! Made me laugh. I know exactly what you mean with I – we look at each other, astounded the baby has stayed asleep when we are both in the mood & awake! #coolmumclub

  4. Very funny! No one want’s a twitchy V! Reminds me…partner has a birthday soon, pretty sure sex isn’t on the agenda though! Probably a takeaway and the literal meaning of netflix and chill! #coolmumclub

  5. Ahahahaha absolutely hilarious but my blogger seeks husband post didn’t work. Ill bookmark this in the hope of being able to use it in the future!!


  6. I am of course, hugely impressed you managed to come up with an entire A-Z!! Absolute genius!! No wonder your brain nearly fell out!! We are in the too tired and excuses camps at the moment!! I think we both fell asleep on our wedding anniversary too… Definitely not boding well…!!!
    Lucy recently posted…The Big Pink LinkMy Profile

  7. We are all about the quickies! We tell the kids we are showering and getting dressed which we do right after the quickie. I’m quite certain my second child was conceived in the closet. Lol great post! And thanks for hostessing #coolmumclub.

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