Teen pregnancy? The truth about being a teen parent

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Do you live in fear of your daughter having a teen pregnancy someday? Perhaps you had a teen pregnancy and found yourself struggling? Or maybe you have found yourself harshly judging the teen mums you’ve been seeing around?

Once upon a time, here in the UK we used to have the highest teenage birth and abortion rates in Western Europe. Nowadays, under-18 conception rate here in the UK have decreased for 11 years running, which is no mean feat, but teen pregnancy still remains an issue.

But what is it like to have a teen pregnancy? Does it really ruin your life as everyone likes to say, and do the stereotypes of teen mums still loom large?

Here, I interview Mary Jenkins, author of Fourteen and Pregnant: A Letter of Hope from My Journey into Unplanned Parenthood who shares her personal experience with her teen pregnancy.

What is the one thing you wish you had known about being a teen mum?

The one thing I wished I would have known and also the hardest part of being a young mum was the misconception and stigmatization from society. Adults can sometimes be so mean and the things that they say about you, to you or behind you’re back can be so hurtful. It stings! The lack of support from society puts you down and makes you feel ashamed of being a parent. I also felt at the time my daughter was being judged for the sole reason of having me as her mum. I wish I wouldn’t have felt ashamed or embarrassed. I think that’s why I work SO hard today to prove to myself that I can do anything and everything that I want if I work hard. Nothing in life is permanent. Just work hard and it will pay off. 

How did being a teenage mum affect your goals and aspirations? 

I remember I told my dad I wanted to join the cheerleading team and play high school basketball but my dad looked at me and said “Mary you can’t. You have a child, I can only help watch your child while you are in school so that you can graduate,.” I didn’t get it then but I get it now. My dad was working two jobs and came home to help me watch my daughter. 

However, It prolongs a lot of things for me. It took me a very long time to figure out what I wanted to do in life but it made me realize who I am as a person. I pretty much worked everywhere from waiting tables, working at the grocery stores to working in the corporate world (banks, insurance firms) which in return gave me many experiences that made me understand that working for myself was ultimately always my goals and aspirations all along.

How big of an emotional toll was being a teenage mum for you?

It was very rough. Talking about going through normal teenage drama and then being a teen mum on top of that. It was a lot and it was really stressful. While everyone was planning out their lives on what they was going to do after high school, I had to plan out mines that included my daughter. But my faith was strong.

What were some of your biggest fears and concerns as a teen mum?

Not being a good mother and not being able to provide for her financially. That was scary. Physically I was always present. That was never a question. Always altering my schedule to be there for my daughter. Field trips, assemblies, extra curriculum activities, you name it, I was always there. That was important to me. For her to know that I will always be there for her. Until this day my kids will always come first. However, on the financial side it was very rough. But I knew what I had to do to provide for her. I was working since I was 13 years old because our family didn’t have a lot. So when she was born, I knew what I had to do to get stuff done and to be a provider. 

Why do you think the stigma around teen mums is still so strong and what can we do to overcome the judgment? 

Because adolescent motherss are more likely to drop out of high school and due to lack of job skills, unemployment is a common problem among them. It typically happens because teen pregnancy is unplanned or unwanted. I think that’s why its important to teach your young children about sex and teen pregnancies when they hit the appropriate age.

Parents shouldn’t solely rely on school to talk about these things with their children. Some parents to this day are in denial that there’s even sex education class. Especially parents that are not American. Talking about sex was a no-no in my household. Some parents need to be more involved in their kid’s lives. Be nosey, see what’s going on with school, outside of school. Be in their business. 

If you could go back and talk to your teen self before you got pregnant what would you say? Would there have been anything you would have done differently?

Wait! You’re not ready for this world that’s about to change for you forever! Experience life while you’re still young. No need to rush. You have your whole life ahead of you. I honestly don’t think you can really plan for what it’s like to be a mother however being financially ready is very crucial. You want the best for your child. That’s what I would have done differently but I don’t regret a thing. I am who I am today because I was a teen mum. 

What advice would you give to parents reading this who are perhaps worried about the occurrence of teen pregnancy in their family? 

Prepare them for the world because people are going to judge them. Be there for them. Less talking and listen more. Find a balance. Encourage them that their life is not over because overall if a teen pregnancy is occurring in the household, apparently it was decided amongst the parents that abortion is not an option. 

Although my mum gave me tough love and I appreciate that now, but I knew my dad always had my back. He gave me words of encouragement. I didn’t want to disappoint him. Til this day I wish he was still here so that I could take care of him the way he took care of me. 

Any final words you’d like to impart on your experience or teen pregnancies in general?

Just keep working. Working towards becoming a better you. You have little eyes watching you. Talk to someone if you feel like you’re alone. Find a mentor that can help you exercise your goals and dreams. Document everything. So you can go back and see your growth. 

About Mary Jenkins

Mary Jenkins is the author of Fourteen and Pregnant. She is a mum of five kids and a wife to Jermaine. A jack of all trades, she loves to coach others and is passionate about personal development and growth. Jenkins is currently studying psychology at Sinclair Community College, has earned a life coaching certification from New Skills Academy, obtained The Science of Well-Being Certification offered by Yale, and is a licensed manicurist, having received her degree from Ohio State School of Cosmetology. A native of Columbus, Ohio, she enjoys family time, cooking, traveling, and is passionate about helping younger girls who have gone through situations similar to what she describes in her book.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

4 comments

  1. Really interesting post. It sounded very tough but rewarding for her and I love the advice she provides to others. Lovely pic at the end too!

  2. This is all such great advice there is still much judgement around teenage pregnancy. I have a few friends who had babies at 17 and they are fantastic mothers but I agree with the advice not to rush and to live your life first.

  3. I can remember girls I went to school with becoming teen mums, its great to hear the numbers are going down. Being a mum is hard at any age I had mine young but not as a teen. It’s great that the positive side is being shared.

  4. This is a really interesting read especially as I came to motherhood quite late compared to some of my friends. Sounds like she is an amazing person and that her advice will help many.

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