To the mama who is trying so hard to be a patient mother

patient mother
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Dear mama, I see you right there, trying so hard to be a patient mother. You woke up this morning promising today would be a better day. That you wouldn’t end up replying to your kids through gritted teeth, muttering under your breath at your family or on the very worst days – completely losing your s***.

Running on empty

I know how hard it is to be a patient mother. Lords know, I have tried my hardest to be one. But it’s just so damn exhausting when you’re running on an empty cup, with a thousand tabs open in your brain as your juggle and plate spin family life while walking the tight rope of sanity.

You wonder how the other mums do it – how DO they always appear like they can keep their cool when you feel like you’re just about holding it all together by a bare thread?

You can feel it coming as it builds up – the constant demands on the day, from people around you both small and grown-up alike. Chip chip chipping away like you are a god damn octopus with eight arms and three hearts.

The constant demands of life

From the minute your eyes are open, the never-ending slew of requests for your time, attention and energy are there until you finally lay your weary head on your pillow at night. It’s relentless. There’s no time for you, no time to think, no place to hide. Trapped in a pressure cooker waiting to explode at a moment’s notice.

And there it goes – boom! Your patience stretched beyond what it can take. Maybe you shout, maybe you rant, perhaps you say some cutting words as your face looks angry and contorted. And in an instant you regret it. You regret it and soften as you realise the toxicity you have let spill into the space around you. With a crash, the tsunami of guilt comes as you barely recognise the person who just lashed out.

Where did she come from? And why oh why could you not be a more patient mother?

Be kinder to yourself

But hey mama, I want to say to you – you are only human! There are only so many relentless demands and asks that can be made of our minds before we get pushed over the threshold and snap.

What would you do if your friend came to you and told you that she felt so bad because she had lost it with her kids and was beating herself up about not being a more patient mother?

You would treat her with kindness and empathy. You’d comfort her and let her know that nobody is perfect and we all have our moments – whether we’re honest about it or not.

You’d tell her that she was doing a great job, but that maybe her impatience was trying to her something. Trying to tell her that she needed to take care of herself and fill up her cup.

Take a deep breath

So to the mama who wishes she was a more patient mother, it’s time to take a step back. Say no to doing things that aren’t important, relax and take some deep breaths. Yes, it’s true that some people are born with patience, but many of us (including me) are not!

But the good news is patience can not only be learnt, but by taking time out for yourself you can actually be on the way to being a more patient mum. So I want to leave you with this: if you’ve found this because you want to be a more patient mum try to take just 30 minutes today to so something for you.

When the kids are in bed – or if you can get up before they wake up – got for a walk and clear your head, read a book, do some exercise, try some meditation – whatever it takes to help you feel refreshed and help you be a more patient mother.

And most importantly give yourself a break – emotionally. There is so much pressure on mums to do the right thing by their kids and family all the time. But the bottom line is – a happy mum equals a happy family. Sometimes it’s looking after yourself – not eternal selflessness – which is the best remedy of all.

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7 comments

  1. It is so important to take time for yourself, just to calm your mind. Children can be exhausting. But as a mother of grown up children, they don’t really remember the times you shouted at them or if mine do it’s usually with fondness.

  2. This couldn’t be more me right now. I do cherish getting up at 5:30am to exercise just for the quiet, for no demands, for the me time (not every day!). I won’t feel guilty for celebrating preschool opening again next week – boy do we both need it! A post that resonates so much. Thank you.

  3. Mums are the best! They have endless patience, they are selfless, they love unconditionally and they are fiercly loyal and protective of their babies

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