You didn’t think you could really escape did you? We spend all our lives sweating bullets not to end up turning into your own parents, but shock horror! looks like it’s just one eventuality too difficult to avoid. Despite all the times times we promised ourselves we never would, it’s time to accept the inevitable. Got a sneaking suspicion you’re there already? Your numbers up if you do any of the below…
1. You’re bizarrely captivated by storage solutions
You ogle cube storage and mesh baskets on the internet like some kind of strange domestic porn. You lie in bed and fantasize about making things more organised, accessible and space efficient. You have to be dragged away practically salivating from the storage solutions area every time you go to Homebase. You need help.
2. You’re annoyingly obsessed about wrapping Up warm
You have to ask everyone three hundred times if they are going to be warm enough as a rule before leaving the house, and can be found trying to smother sproglets in a jumble of knitwear before facing the imaginary blizzard in your mind; and even then – you’re still not convinced they’re wearing enough. You want to run over and cover up random teens in the street who are giving you a heart attack by not wearing enough. We can practically hear you tutting from over here.
3. You menacingly echo their sayings
“Get back here right now”, “Because I said so”, “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”. You know the drill. Times passed you would have scoffed at the thought of those ridiculously cliched parental warnings falling from your mouth. Now you have become the queen of chastising, bringing home the tradition of uttering over-used parental banalities, in the EXACT same tone of voice, in a house near you. *Shudder*.
4. You lose everything – always
Do you remember the time you used to roll your eyes in contempt, huffing and puffing because your folks used to scramble around the house like idiotic pinheads looking for their phone, keys and wallet before stepping a foot out? Now guess who the fool is. Yes, that’s right, YOU! If you ever manage to leave the house before having to return at least once because your geriatric brain has fallen out of your ear and forgotten something, it’ll be a miracle.
5. You’re a celebrity ignoramus
You have no idea who any celebrities under 50 are, and are still living in the days of Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Madonna, and Sharon Stone. If these are the names that first spring to the mind when someone utters the word “celebrity”, not only are you truly showing your age, but you are also destined for the swamp of no hope.
6. You get off on listening to “oldies”
Remember those days when you used to cringe at the music of the 60s and 70s blasting out from your olds’ car stereo, window wound down and yourself slumped down in the backseat trying to hide your sorry self from the world’s view? Come on, admit it – you’re just another saddo parent who pumps up the volume when your hear the music of your youth glory days on the radio. Extra lame-o parent points for if you try to convince yourself it still sounds “fresh”.
7. You live in your slippers
Face facts. Having a slipper collection and not being able to set one foot out of bed without your trusty house shoes on is no longer just a reality of old biddies. It’s YOUR reality. Hey, at least they will spare you the excruciating pain of treading on Lego barefoot. Plus they do come in rather handy swatting rogue flies around the house.
8. You dance like an old fogey
It’s true, you might not have the chance to polish your once rad dance floor moves these days, but when you do, wow, it’s literally like you’ve stepped into your parents’ bodies. Your moves are seriously lame and sappy. Dancing like nobody’s watching might have been cool back in the day, but not like you dance like your parents.
9. You bemoan “kids these days”
Do your eyes pop out at the gyrating hot mess youngsters watch on You Tube? Does your brain explode at the new fangled gadgets and gizmos youngster have in their armoury? Do you tsk tsk in disbelief at some of the lingo preteens wax lyrical with? Do you remember when your parents face convulsed with puzzlement when you said you wanted a Walkman? Not so ridiculous now huh.
10. You overshare your life story
Seriously come on now, that barista doesn’t need to know all the insanely tedious details of the day you’ve had so far – she was just being polite; the Tesco’s cashier really couldn’t give two hoots about what dullness you ate for breakfast and for the love of Pete, will you give that post man a break? His ear is about to fall off.
So how did you score? Have you already turned into your parents, or are you just creeping slowly towards conversion?
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