Motherhood is a strange and wonderful experience that nobody can prepare you for. And unfortunately, there is no manual or training that comes with it. However, it is a bit like going to some kind of messed up, vocational university where mums are pretty much guaranteed to learn handy skills in order to survive it. So if you’re a stay at home mum returning to work, here are the 15 fantastic skills to add to your CV!
1.Doing things on fast forward
You’ll shake off the shackles of dawdling and become a master of doing everything on super fast forward, and running that hamster wheel like your life depended on it. “Jumping in the shower” now takes on a whole new meaning. Phew! No wonder you’re ready to hit the sack at 8.30pm!!!
2. The art of distraction
From heading off tantrums to getting your little ones to forget they are actually eating while you slyly get another spoonful in, you will become the all singing, all dancing (quite literally) queen of distraction – ta-dah!
3. Serious multitasking
So you thought writing an email while taking a phone call was multitasking? Ha! You would now ace that multitasking question in any interview as you reel off examples of making breakfast whilst dancing the hokey cokey, while putting the washing on. Yup, you are the goddess of multitasking.
4. Lying like a pro
Even the worst liar in the world will be proficient in the language of white lies by the time they have graduated from motherhood. If you wonder why kids lie, we don’t really need to look very far, do we?
Making something out of nothing will become your absolute forte. Whether it’s making a meal out of an empty fridge or eeking out another hour of entertainment on a rainy day, you’ve got this one locked down. Move over Bear Grylls.
6. Patience, patience and more patience
OK so I would probably just about scrape through this module, or perhaps even fail it, but if you weren’t a patient person to begin with, you will be dragged kicking and screaming through this learning endeavour until somewhere along the line you emerge a veritable virtuoso!
7. Dealing with poo, piss, and vom without batting an eyelid
Child projectile vomiting all over the kitchen? Poo smeared on your leg? Puddles of piss expanding across the floor? You not only become totally unflappable in these situations, but also able to clear them up in masterly Mr Muscle style.
Oh yes, if you were a push over or sensitive type before motherhood, you will build up resilience like you never thought possible. Resilience against sleep deprivation, emotional resilience as you make it through another ghastly boundary pushing day. Yes, you are a true warrior!!!!
9. Letting go
Undergrads enter into the University of Mum an uptight, neurotic mess and leave giving a shit about pretty much nothing anymore.
10. Laying down the law
Woah! Who was that just speaking there?! Despite never having said boo to a goose you will find an inner scary voice which you’ll whip out and reign terror with – you’ll also become an old hat at supressing that inner laughter as you do so.
11. Kissing it better
You will become the ultimate wizardess with the magic power to kiss it better like no other mother, or human being can possibly do.
12. Cuddle dispensing
You will learn how to become the ultimate cuddle dispensing machine. Non-cuddlers will discover new found cuddling skills, and cuddle lovers will achieve a heightened state of cuddling perfection, formerly thought only to be found in koalas.
13. You can not be everything to everyone
Perhaps the best thing you will learn at the University of Mum – and the sooner you learn it, the better. Don’t forget to study the related module – there’s no such thing as perfect.
You will become proficient in laughing as a sanity saver. You will learn that sometimes things get just too ridiculous, the best possible answer in that equation is laughter.
15. Doing everything with your hands full
You will become absolutely crackerjack at doing everything with your hands full all the time! Whether your hands are full of little ones, washing, or the umpteen toys you pick up on your way out of the bathroom octopus style.
Are you a stay at home mum returning to work wondering how your newfound skills can translate? Are there any other skills you’d add to this list? Drop me a comment and share!