How to talk to kids about the birds and the bees: A parent’s 2023 guide

how to talk to kids about the birds and the bees
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I hear you! Talking about sex with kids can be challenging if not downright embarrassing as a parent. However sooner or later, the topic of sex is one that children are bound to encounter. This may be through something they hear from their friends or see on the TV or online. When it comes to how to talk to kids about the birds and the bees, the timing of when and how you broach the subject is just as important as what you say. When you choose the right moment, the right words, and the right approach, it will go a long way in helping your child understand what’s going on around them and why. You will also feel a lot better knowing that they heard it from you rather than factually incorrect Chinese whispers in the playground.

In this guide I’m sharing my tips on how to talk to kids about the birds and the bees:

Make it a fun experience

Kids are naturally curious, so it’s important to engage them in a conversation about sex in a way that makes the process fun. If your child is struggling with questions or feelings about the topic, you can look to find activities, books, or resources that can help ease their mind and help them understand their emotions. You can also try creating an environment where talking about sex is normal and natural, so a conversation doesn’t feel awkward or out of place. When kids feel comfortable chatting with you about the birds and the bees, they’re more likely to ask questions and get answers. This is because they’re less embarrassed and therefore feel more confident about coming to you with their questions and feelings without embarrassment.

Avoid shaming or embarrassment

It’s important to avoid shaming your child or making them feel embarrassed about the things that they say or questions they have about sex. There will be times when your child will have questions about sex. Those are the questions that you must answer no matter how ridiculous they might seem to you. Avoiding shaming or embarrassment is a key way to help your child feel more comfortable and open while they’re trying to understand their own body and their emotions.

It’s important not to overload your child with too many or age-inappropriate details all at once. I find the best approach here is to answer the question, and let it sink in. Often they will process it and come back to you with another question at another time. They usually don’t want lots of in-depth information all in one go, which is when they typically tend to get embarrassed!

Use child-friendly words

When your child talks to you about sex, it can be helpful to use words that describe sex in a way that your child is familiar with. It can help to explain the parts of the body, what they do, and what they feel like in a way that your child can understand. Having a conversation in this way can help to put their questions in perspective and explain what they may be experiencing when they’re feeling confused. It can also help to give your child a better understanding of what they may be hearing, seeing and experiencing, which can be especially helpful for kids with questions about gender identity.

Help them understand the why

While it can be helpful to provide your child with the correct definitions for certain words related to sex, it’s also important to help them understand why certain behaviours are considered acceptable and others aren’t. This can help to give your child a better understanding of the world around them and help them to respect others around them. It can also help to explain what some of the more common stereotypes and judgments that your child may hear about sex. It’s common for kids to ask questions like “why is it bad if boys want to touch girls’ private parts?” or “why would a girl want a boy’s private parts?” Helping your child understand the reasons behind the behaviours and actions that they see can go a long way in helping to put their questions into perspective.

Help them see that everyone gets it and no one is alone

Kids are constantly being taught that they need to fit into certain stereotypes, rules, and norms. This can make understanding who they are and why they feel the way they do even more difficult. That’s why it’s so important for parents to help their children see that everyone is different and that no one is alone when trying to understand the birds and the bees as a child.

This can be done in a number of different ways, including by talking with your child about their own personal experiences and feelings. It can also be helpful to talk to your child about how other people’s experiences differ from their own. It’s important to remember that everyone is different, and there is no “right way” to be a person. Helping your child understand this in a way that helps them to see that they are a unique person who can make their own choices and decisions is a great way to start the conversation.

Conclusion

It can be scary to talk to your child about sex, but it is an important conversation to have with them. Remember to be led by them and that it’s completely normal to have questions and feel both curious and nervous. If you’re able to approach the birds and bees’ conversation with your child in a way that makes them feel comfortable and confident, they’re likely to feel more open and comfortable around the topic as it continued to present itself at every stage of their development.

For more resources on how to talk to kids about the birds and bees see:

How to talk to your children about sex: the early years

How to talk to your children about sex: 6 – 10 year olds

How to talk to your children about sex: 11 – 14 year olds

How to talk to your children about sex: ages 15 onwards

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