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We all hear stories about adults who have been best friends since childhood and they’re still best friends as adults.  Doesn’t it sound so perfect?  Who wouldn’t want that one best friend who’s known you since you were a child?  That one friend you’ve grown up with and navigated through all of life’s hurdles together.  The one best friend who knows all your secrets and is still the first person you call when you have news to share, both good and bad.  While this sounds ideal, it’s not!  You shouldn’t encourage your child to have one best friend. Wondering why best friends are bad for children? Read on to find out…

Having a best friend will cause your child to miss out on opportunities

When your child has one best friend that he spends most of his time with, it won’t allow time for him to meet new friends.  Each time your child meets someone new or become friends with someone new, he has the opportunity to learn about life from the new friend’s perspective…thoughts, ideas, experiences, activities, interests, places to visit, etc.  There’s so much your child can learn from a new friend. 

Maybe one of your child’s friends just moved to your hometown from another country.  This friend will share these experiences with your child and make travel sound fun and not so intimidating.  These different experiences will spark creativity and interest in your child that could open them up to opportunities and interests he may have never known without this friend.  He can discover things about himself he would’ve never learned with only one best friend.    

When your child is open to having more than one close friend, she learns to value differences in others

Each of your child’s friends will have different backgrounds, experiences and thoughts.  Getting to know each of these friends will open your child’s eyes to different ways of thinking in a way that only one best friend cannot offer. 

Your child will develop better interpersonal and communication skills

With many close friends, your child will learn how to communicate with and resolve conflicts with different types of people who have different communication styles.  Being a more effective communicator will help your child throughout his life.

Having a best friend may cause your child to become dependent on her best friend and nervous to go into social situations without her

This could present in situations as small as your child worrying who she’ll sit with at lunch when her best friend is absent from school, to as big as avoiding activities her best friend doesn’t like.  If your child does everything with her best friend, this best friend will become a security blanket for your child.  She will be happy to have her best friend with her but there’s the risk that your child could develop a fear of doing activities on her own.  

You will see your child’s self-confidence increase through doing things alone

 It’s uncomfortable for most children to walk into social situations where they don’t know anyone.  But, through these uncomfortable experiences your child will gain confidence in his ability to walk up to a new group of kids and make friends, or even just say hi and make small talk.  Your child won’t always make friends through these experiences.  But, he’s still gaining confidence through being on his own and making decisions that are best for him, whether it’s through taking a class on his own or attending a camp on his own.  Self-confidence is an important skill for all children to have and will benefit your child throughout his life.

It’s ideal for your child to have a close friend in each activity she does…many close friends, not just one best friend

Your child can have a close friend who takes the hard math classes with her, another close friend in band, another close friend on swim team.  This encourages your child the freedom to develop all the different parts of herself.  Maybe your daughter loves to take art classes but her best friend can’t draw.  If your daughter solely spends time with her best friend, she may shy away from really developing her talent because she doesn’t want to leave her friend behind. 

If she has a close friend who shares this love for art, they could develop their talent together, encouraging each other and even visiting galleries or art shows for more inspiration.  With a close friend in each activity, she will always have a friendly face greeting her, making these activities more fun.

With many close friends, your child won’t feel as heartbroken if one of these friendships end

 Of course, your child will still feel sad if a friendship ends but he won’t feel totally alone like he would if he only has one best friend.  As your child grows up, it’s normal for friendships to end or change (to see a friend less often).  More close friends will protect him from experiencing such negative effects of this.

Your child will be a better friend

If your child only has one best friend, that puts a lot of pressure on this friendship.  He will be more likely to get jealous of his best friend becoming friends with other kids and may get upset when his best friend doesn’t want to do the things he wants to do, because he is nervous to do things alone.  With many close friends, your child will keep his friendships in perspective, that one friend can’t be everything for him.

For all these reasons, I hope you encourage your child to have many close friends instead of one best friend.  If you’d like a way to encourage your child to make more close friends, please look into my quick-read chapter book, I Lost my BFF.  Through the story, Sophia’s best friend wants to make more friends instead of having Sophia as her only best friend.  Sophia is learning it’s okay for friends to have other close friends, and not everyone needs to like to do the same things all of the time.  Sophia also learns how jealousy and rejection can present within friendships and learns how to become a good friend to all of her friends.

AUTHOR BIO

Jennifer Licate is a school counselor and award-winning children’s book author.  Her Navigating Friendships series of books were published in 2020 and 2021.  This set includes three books, He’s Not Just Teasing, Am I Weird? and I Lost my BFF.  Am I Weird? focuses on teaching children to value their individuality and find friends who respect and value you.  For more information about Jennifer or her books, please visit her website at: https://www.storiesbyjennifer.com/ and follow her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/jenniferlicate/ or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.licate/.

Picture credit: School photo created by gpointstudio – www.freepik.com