Parent problems: If parents sexted…



I have to admit, that somehow I missed out on the whole sexting craze – guess I had already become a granny mum by the time it rolled around. But it did make me thing how different sexting must be before and after being parents. I mean, do parents even sext at all? Or is that too much to ask in the face of all our sex-related parent problems? If they did, I think the post-parenthood sexts would end up something more like this…(N.B. these are not real life sexting tips!!!).

or perhaps more like this…
or how about this…?
does this sound familiar?
yeah don’t try to deny it…
What would you post-parent sexts look like? Come on, this is a total can of worms so lets have some fun opening it! Leave your spoof post-parenthood texts in a comment below….



  1. Lol I have just woke up so I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure there must be loads and these are great. Very funny, and sums up exactly what sexting would be like after kids.


  2. Haha. I was thankfully in a relationship before sexting became a thing. These are all spot on though, if hubby sent me those texts I would probably send those exact replies haha xx #coolmumclub

  3. Absolutely cracking up at this! So funny! I have to admit me and hubs enjoy a bit of sexting when he’s away with work but now that munchkin is here that may well be a thing of the past! xxx #coolmumclub

  4. So funny…I’ve always felt a bit dissappointed I’ll never get to try the whole tinder thing. Mind you…be carefu what you wish for! Here’s hoping I dont find myself unexpectedly single!
    Thanks for hosting the fab #coolmumclub 😉

  5. Haha this did make me laugh! When I met my first husband we didn’t even have mobile phones but when I found myself single again at 28 there was a whole new world of dating out there and sexting seemed to be a big thing!! Let’s just say that the texts my new husband and I sent to eachother are a whole world away from the texts we send eachother three children later!!!! #coolmumclub

  6. I have to confess to sending the odd naughty text when I first started dating Mr AD as he lived a fair few miles awaybso we only saw each other at the weekends. Now a days my texts are far tamer, the only pussy mentioned is the four legged one 😉

  7. So so funny! I too missed the whole sexting phase, and now my eldest tends to be glued to my phone watching bloody Kinder Egg videos on You Tube. No sexting in this house haha.

    Thanks for the giggle!
    Dawn x

  8. This is so funny made my day, the bad boys one was my favorite. I definitely feel those would be my responses some days if my husband was sexting me. Thanks for sharing, coolmumclub

  9. I have actually sexted as I am single now but it’s not all its cracked up to be and I as a mom I got easily annoyed at the last guy who tried to sext with me while I was watching a movie with my 9 year old. I ended up blocking his ass because after I told him I was spending time with my son, he didn’t stop…the moron! Sexting can be fun but as a mom whose youngest likes to steal my phone every time I take a trip to the bathroom to make his own little videos, sexting has become a thing of the past but oh man, the next time someone tries it on me, the first one you posted had me in stitches and I do have two bad boys who like to destroy my house, LOL! I have to use that next time:-)

  10. Hahaha! so funny, I would have love to read more examples just to be nosy… I think if I receive those sexts, I would probably answer the same, my kids killed the romance side of me, lol. #coolmumclub

  11. Loved having a good giggle at this, so funny! Me and my now hubby used to sext all the time, I was 20 when we met and it seemed to be the thing to do- cringe! Fast forward 3 years, throw in a house, wedding, baby and now if we even have time to text, they are mainly him texting me from work to check me and baby are still living. #coolmumclub

  12. I never got the whole sextinf craze thing either, as if I have time for that. Plus the kids can read my messages and I wouldn’t like to explain what daddy meant to them! #coolmumclub

  13. I never got the whole sextinf craze thing either, as if I have time for that. Plus the kids can read my messages and I wouldn’t like to explain what daddy meant to them! #coolmumclub

  14. Oh sexting. Some of my friends are into this, but I don’t get it. I’d rather talk on the phone or better yet, in person. ; ) It takes too long to write and doesn’t really feel all that ‘sexy.’ You could be sitting in the middle of Starbucks for all I know!

    My sexts would be like….

    Me: damn, I’m so wet!
    Husband: no way! I’ll be home in 5 mins and sort that out for you ; )
    Me: oh….
    Me: no
    Me: the kid puked on me again


  15. Ha!! Brilliant! When I was a LOT younger, I briefly went out with someone who sexted constantly! He actually seemed to be more into that than actually spending time with me and getting on with the real thing! Never done it with my husband though, he seems to have the slight misperception that I’m too ladylike!! I can imagine ours being something along the lines of ‘what’s your biggest fantasy…?’ ‘To get into bed alone with Ben and Jerrys and a bottle of Cloudy Bay, then for you to sleep on the sofa so I starfish in the bed all night…’ Just about sums it up!

  16. There is no raunch left in my texts anymore…they are more like…”I cannot wait till you get home later; kids winding me up today; hanging out for your big cuddles”, etc….just the simple things, really. Gave me a giggle. #coolmumclub

  17. My husband and I recently discovered the “other” side of tumblr. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, tumblr has a very “sexual” side to it and forget sexting…it’s all about the visual little tidbits we send one another. Nothing like a little sexual gifs to turn the fire on. 😉 thanks for hostessing #coolmumclub

  18. Love this! I think mine would go along the lines of…. Mr TB: ‘I liked your bottom in those jeans this morning’ Me: ‘Ah, bottoms. We need more nappies. Can you pick some up on the way home?’ LOL, it’s so real life! 🙂 #CoolMumClub

  19. lol – it probably goes a little something like this in our house..

    Him: I’ve just dropped the kids off – not got to pick them up for an hour, be home in 5 😉

    Me: fine! as long as I don’t have to get fully undressed and you don’t expect me to get on top #justwanttoliedown x

    Its sometimes a bit of an effort to make the effort if you know what I mean haha?!

    funny post!

  20. “naughty naughty, you’ve been such a bad girl”

    “Did I forget to put the bin out?”


    “You’re so hot!”

    ” I know. Bloody boiling. Running around like a blue arsed fly.”


    “Are you up for it tonight?”

    “If ‘it’ means sleeping then Yes! count me in”


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