Toddlers are all about the me, me, me; so what better use of this, the next instalment of the Inside The Head of a Toddler series than to dedicate it to a spin off of the recent A-Z challenge which many of you reading this will have done for yourselves. Take it away toddler..!
A is for ASSHOLE
Sometimes I am a complete asshole, and I will ruin you day. Yup, sorry about that.
B is for BOGIES
Mmmmm one of my favourite snacks. Just love ‘em – don’t you?
C is for CAR SEAT
My numero uno pet hate. Just looking at one makes me want to scream.
D is for DOGGIES
We have a love hate relationship. I love to admire them from far but then if they get too close, they kinda creep me out.
E is for EATING
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I like to keep the olds guessing.
F is for FARTING
Ooooh I just love to let rip. Sooooo satisfying.
G is for GO GO GO
The state in which I spend most of my waking hours.
H is for HOME
I bloody hate being stuck in it, I do.
I is for IMBISCILE
My tiny underdeveloped brain means that I am often found acting like an utter one.
J is for JUMPING
I just love to jump anywhere and everywhere especially that lovely big muddy puddle that is out of bounds.
K is for KICKING
My next favourite action, especially when coupled with some good old screaming.
L for LOVE
Even though I am a bit of brat, I am also known to be rather adept at dishing out quite a bit of this too – a cunning plan to get away with all the shit I dish out.
M for MUMMY
I just love this word. The way it rolls of the tongue, especially when bellowed across the room at high volume.
N for (IN THE) NIGHT GARDEN
My absolute favourite show. I look forward to each episode with extreme trepidation. I just really don’t know what they are going to pull out of the bag each time! Such great script writers.
O for (UH) OHHHHHHH
My most recent and favourite phrase of the moment. So fitting for life as a toddler don’t you think?
P for POOING
Some people take pleasure in chocolate, others a nice glass of wine – my favourite guilty pleasure is to do a big fat poo in a nice clean nappy (fuck the potty). Some things never change.
Q for QUICK AS A FLASH
That’s how quickly I can be doing something I shouldn’t when your back is turned. It’s quite a skill, yes?
R for ROBOTS
I have a deep-seated fear of them. In fact I think every shadow is a robot which is just down right scary and quite inconvenient.
S for SLEEP
Sleep is for pussies.
T for TRICKSY
It could very well be my middle name. I just love a bit of being tricksy, especially at crucial moments and meal times.
U for UGLY
When I cry, boy do I look ugly, even if I do say so myself.
V for VENDETTA
I have a bit of vendetta out for all those old grannies who keep smiling at me at the bus stop. Who do they think they are anyway? Don’t they know how scary they look?
W for WAVING
Waving here, waving there, I love waving everywhere! A bit camp I know, but people just love it.
X for XYLOPHONE
My instrument of choice. Have you heard me play? You should really come over and let me serenade you one time.
Y for YES
Probably my least favourite word in the world. Who needs to say yes when you can say no?
Z for ZOO
I probably would have been better suited to life in one.
What else would you have added under any of the letters? Think this could be quite a fun game to play!
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