Mind my lady bits! The 10 BEST (AHERM!) names for a vagina

names for vagina

A while ago I wrote a blog post about the 10 WORST names for a vagina…and believe me they were pretty terrible. If you don’t believe me, just pop on over to this post and take a look here.

Anyway PLEASE don’t ask me how on earth this subject came up with my beloved, but somehow we started brainstorming funny nicknames for the vagina. It was just a couple he knew from back in school days an age ago, but of course, once the fire was lighted, we couldn’t help ourselves to keep going. Oh dear, the things you do for entertainment as parents eh!?

So here for you total amusement and entertainment, we present to you the 10 BEST (errrr…really?) names for a vagina, as coined over at Real Deal HQ:

1. Bushy Brenda

Trimmer? What trimmer? It’s probably been a decade or so until Brenda has seen one and she delights in hiding underneath a veritable jungle of hair. Just don’t mention the word Hollywood to her at which she will show her utter digust! So freaking hairy it’s no joke.

2. Sweaty Betty

A resident of warmer climes, Sweaty Betty might be confused with the leisure wear brand but is more likely to be in cahoots with a holiday in the Costa Del Sol, synthetic granny pants, or jeans that are two sizes two small.

3. Fuzzy Francis

A close relative of Bushy Brenda, if you’re feeling the itch down south, Fuzzy Francis is the culprit! Frequently mistaken for a sheepskin rug.

4. Prickly Pauline

Put that razor blade down Prickly Pauline! You know all those red dots don’t suit you plus, stubble should only be on a guy’s chin right?

5. Meaty Maureen

Try not to panic Maureen but it appears you have an abundance of skin down there! You know what they say Maureen…sometimes less is more.

6. Loose Lizzie

…the one that most mums have shortly after childbirth.

7. Angry Angela

Not enough sex? Clogged hair follicles? Big bulging veins? Itchy, burny and generally p***** off?  Watch out! Angry Angela is coming for you.

8. Weird Wendy

Weird Wendy, you are the reason the designer vagina has become au fait of late. We don’t really know why you’re so weird because we don’t spend enough time looking down there…we just get a feeling you kinda are.

9. Bald Babs

Stand back from the Hollywood Babs! You must be freezing down there all naked and that.

10. Vintage Val

She likes to think she’s something out of a retro James Bond movie or Studio 54 club night, and she’s got the fro to rock it too. Single-handedly responsible for the rebirth of the Mum Bush.

I am sure we could all come up with a lot more entertaining names and get this list to twenty…who’s up for the challenge?

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  1. […] help the tiny giggling fit I had when I read Talya  from motherhood the real deals post on The 10 best names for a vagina. I don’t think I even knew half of them – How many do you […]

  2. Hahah I like vintage val, what a trendsetter! I’ve had most of these types of vaginas, I’m leaning more towards Brenda at the moment lol. #coolmumclub

  3. so funny!!! Laughing too much to thunk of another one but the ideas are going to be going round my head all day for sure – I’ll be back with a list for sure! Welcome baaaaaaaaaaaack! #CoolMumClub

  4. Whaaaaaat?? I didn’t know any of these. You need to submit them to the Urban Dictionary! Amazing. So much better than Lady Garden and Beef Curtains eh? Welcome back. x #coolmumclub

  5. Back with #coolmumclub with a bang! (And a Bushy Brenda apparently!) I know someone called Brenda. I might now have to change her name. Sure she won’t mind 😉 Hilarious as always Talya x #coolmumclub

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