Hello! And welcome to this week’s edition of mum truths where fellow guest parenting bloggers come to the floor to share truths about life as a mum. This week we have Neve from We The Parents to share her mum truths with us…
Hi there, I’m Neve, mum to 4 year old Leyla and 5 month old Dara. As a family we recently upped-sticks and moved from a busy metropolis to the rural countryside. We are all thoroughly enjoying the change: green grass instead of grey concrete and the bleating sheep instead of revving cars. We are now learning about permaculture (sustainably growing our own food) and our 5-year plan is to build our own eco-home.
Leaving the city meant both Keane and I leaving our jobs. With the help of an exceptional mentor we are diving headlong into the world of online entrepreneurship and blogging. It’s scary but exciting and we are intent to use it to create the family experience we want.
Sum up being a mum in five words….
Just how long ’til bedtime?
What did you wish you knew before having children?
Gosh, I could write a shopping-style list! There are just so many things.
I wish I’d known how much patience I would need.
And how selfless it would force me to become.
I wish I’d known that children do not do what you tell them to do – certainly not because you are the parent and they are the child.
Above all, I wish I’d known how important it is to be kind to yourself. Perfect parents don’t exist. (And if they did, they’d be weird.)
What has been the hardest thing in motherhood for you?
Making new friends and connecting with people.
I didn’t join any new mother groups at first and found myself very isolated. Then, as I made the effort to do so, I found that getting to know someone properly can also be really challenging when you’ve got young children constantly needing your attention every 30 seconds (kiss goodbye to deep conversations!)
Being the first of my friends to have a child, I found that I wasn’t seeing them much anymore, either. It was a stark life change. Worth it, but a cultural and lifestyle shock nonetheless.
I persevered in getting to know other mums, and I’m glad I did. It’s the other mothers in my life who can help me to put my problems into perspective – nine times out of ten they’ve experienced the same thing first hand.
When things get tough in motherhood you…
Eat (even more) chocolate.
Stop and take a breathe.
What do you feel guilty about as mum?
I’m not as present as I would like to be with my children. I feel that my mind constantly wanders off and I start thinking about jobs and to-dos. This mentally takes me away from my children when we are together. I can feel guilty that I’m not fully appreciating or being in the moment with them.
When was the last time you lost your s*** at your child/children?
Five mins ago! Ha ha. No, that was only half losing my s***.
I last really lost it about two months ago. I got so angry with my four year old when we were stuck in traffic, the baby was screaming and she was undoing and hopping out of her car seat. I got mad and felt terrible afterwards.
What makes you feel bad as a mum?
That all children will experience sadness, disappointment and pain (physical and emotional). There is no avoiding it and I don’t over-protect my children, but seeing them experience it breaks my heart.
And what makes you feel good as a mum?
Knowing that I am a loving and supportive force for my children as they try to work things out for themselves.
The universal sods law of being a mum is…..
Finally sitting down and getting baby on the boob, then remembering the cup of coffee is still in the kitchen.
What is the greatest lesson being a mum has taught you?
That all beings are innately wonderful and with just little positive guidance, each will blossom into an incredible individual. It may not feel like it, especially if they are going through their terrible twos. In fact, it may feel like you have created a monster. But stick to your guns. If you are honest, fair and respectful, your child will come out the other side and you will see a kind and thoughtful little person growing.
Stick with it mammas!
Neve and her husband, Keane, are diving feet first (if that’s possible) into professional online marketing and blogging. Their first adventure is WeTheParents.org. A blog where Neve seeks to bring out the humor in parenting and Keane gets nerdy researching and reviewing the gear that mums and dads (apparently) need.