OMG! 10 WTF moments in the nightmare of potty training


I hadn’t planned potty training. In fact I hadn’t even read one thing about it. My 2 year old seemed to be ready, the sun was shining and bang! Something clicked in my head and I whipped the nappies off and simply said – “You need to wee or poo, do it in the potty”. And miraculously the little munchkin only blimmin’ went and did it time and time again, and seemed to be loving every minute of it.

So there is probably something to be said for not over thinking potty training given this…however…jumping right in without so much as a peek at what other mums have said on forums has left me slightly agog at certain discoveries of the nightmare of potty training which manifested in the first 24 hours. Namely…

1. Woah there! How many wees???! 

In the first 24 hours it felt like my toddler had the smallest bladder in the universe – she must have weed 10 times in the morning and 10 times in the afternoon (not counting accidents). Was she just anxious to get it all in the potty? Was it all just a game? Do they really need to wee that many times during the day??? you start fretting as you envisage being a potty slave for the foreseeable. Should you just glue the potty to their behind and be done with it??!

2. You will develop a deep seated fear of being weed on

Please don’t wee on me! seemed to play on silent repeat in my head throughout the first day. And so was born the obsessive compulsive Please Don’t Wee on Me Disorder (PDWMD).

3. Just because they have just weed on the potty doesn’t mean you won’t have a wee accident

Score! They’ve weed in the potty…you go away to clean the potty feeling all smug, and then you come back to a puddle. Seriously, WTF?!!! Not so smug now eh mama?

4. The potty will become your third arm

Coming to a toddler mamma near you soon – an unhealthy attachment to the potty. For the first 24 hours, namely because no. 1, the potty feels like some kind of lost puppy following you around. You seem to spend your entire day carrying the potty from here to there, and then back again, all on fast forward like in a comedy Benny Hill sketch (cue farcical music in the background) just to make sure it is within instant-need-to-wee reach. Might as as well buy it a bloody collar and leash and take it for walkies!

5. You will be on a constant relay race between potty and emptying potty 

As a result of number 4, number 5 is unavoidable. Wee, empty, put back, wee empty, put back, wee empty, put back, big poo, empty…etc etc. Screw regular High Intensity workouts…this is the High Intensity Potty workout! WANTED: Potty chauffeur.

6. The poos can be ginormous (as big as yours!)

The first crap my 2 year old did in the potty my eyes almost popped out of their sockets – HOLY SHIT!!! (excuse the pun) it was massive. As big as mine, easily. I was so agog I took a picture of it. Should I share it here? Probably not unless you want to puke all over your screen. Your mind boggles at the thought that that has been what they have been collecting in their nappy day in day out. No wonder toddlers can be such assholes.

7. The beauty of not having to wipe a shit encrusted bum

Wow I really thought I had died and gone to heaven with this one. A feeling too beautiful to put into words. I am still blissing out from it as I write this post. Angels singing etc etc.

8. A poo flicking technique is required

Clearly nobody wants to spend an age cleaning shit of a potty, so you will need to hone a potty flicking technique to get that steaming pile of turd into the toilet and out of your sight in one fell swoop. Mess it up and you’ll pay the price, believe. Soon the elation of no.7 fades away with each poo as you are confronted with smudgy potty nastiness, out there in the open, mocking you, instead of all squished up in a nappy.

9. You will go through knickers like a chain smoker goes through fags 

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. That is all.

10. Just because they wee or poo in the potty naked, it ain’t the same when the pants are on 

And hence the reason for number 9. They might have the potty stuff locked down when in the nud but get the pants on and uh oh…it’s a whole world of confusion out there. Nappies? Pants? What’s the difference? Can’t I just pee in them both? Nooooooooooo!

Thank goodness then, that some of these WTF moments, like the crazy number of pees and thus insane Benny Hill running around calm down after the first 24 hours. PHEW! I’m knackered. And already missing those nappies.

If you’re planning on potty training then learn from my mistakes and check out this post on how to potty train without the drama.

bathroom refresh


  1. hahaha! This is brilliant and so true!
    It sounds like it’s going well…..Yes it is amazing the size of the poos that little one’s create.

  2. When you’re done training your tot could you pop over here and do ours for us, please? We had 2 days of nappy rash related bare bum + diarrhea which made me realize I’m not ready for potty training, at all.

  3. When we potty trained our son, he would refuse to pee anywhere that wasn´t our bathroom. He could hold it in ALL DAY! he still does and he´s 5. I dont get it. Our daughter had a more standard potty training session, a lot like yours actually. #MMWBH

  4. Loved this!!! We had been really lucky, and like you potty training just kinda happened!! Adding pants in definitely spiced it up a little haha but we took a break for a few weeks and have now tried again, day three and we seem to be ok (despite the fact that pants have to be completely taken off for every wee….very annoying!)

    • We’re now in to week 2 and so far it’s a lot less hairy though I have since noticed I have a lot more grey hairs – eek!!!! I’m sure it must be related to all the Benny Hill running around moments!!

  5. Oh god, this is why I am the lazy mummy! I too just decided one day to start potty training my 3-year-old last month. Ugh, I can’t deal with all the weeing on the floor and constant pant-changing. Next month we’ll try again, yeah. yeah 😉 Sabrina xx #sharewithme

  6. We have a little collection of the astonishingly massive poos my son did in his potty. Photos of the poos, not the actual poos. That would just be gross/even grosser than taking photos of the poos, which is also fairly gross when you think about it 😀

  7. My wee boy is coming two and I am dreading it! My advice from the first time is to line the potty with a tissue – saves the need to develop a flick action x

  8. ha ha! Brilliant! Tried to start my DS to start while the weather was nice but really not interested. And he demonstrated that by crapping in his pants and THEN sitting on the potty, squishing all down his legs! Yay!

  9. Holy shit you are funny! (No pun intended ;). The part about getting the turd unstuck from the potty …I can’t even imagine. I never did the kiddy potty thing. I put mine on the toilet and said, here’s a step stool and this is where you poop and pee. I had 3 in diapers all at once so I was in a haze of poo and pee daily. Thanks for sharing this laugh with me at #momsterslink.

  10. Aaaahh haaaaa ha haaaa ahahaaaa ha ha hahahahahahahaaaaa bahaha baaaahaaaa haaa argh YES to ALL of the above! (Currently doing this too) Mim x

  11. Great timing on this even though I have been there before with B which was a nightmare and still on going for night time I am now trying to potty train MM and it’s just not going right. Laughed at a few of these been there. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  12. I knew there was a reason I’d wiped potty training from my memory … It was the NOW of going to the loo when you were out and about. Finding a decent one where the queue wasn’t massive was always a challenge. You’ve made it way more funny than it was.

  13. We are just starting Potty training so I have come across some of these! I love PDWMD, I have developed that for sure. Thanks for linking up to #TheList x

  14. Pahahahaha!This is fab.We are more or less dry now but dear God my daughter craps like a Great Dane and you’re so right about getting it out of the potty into the toilet *vom* x #tenthings

  15. erm – yeah to the ginormous poos here too – what’s that about!? My boy calls them monster poos. Nice. And worryingly accurate. #tenthings

  16. Ha this had me laughing….and possibly feeling a little smug mine are 9 and 10 and way out of the potty training stage…though that makes me feel old! When we were potty training one of mine refused to poo anywhere but in his pants for the 1st 4 months or so….absolute nightmare and I ended up buying him hundreds of pairs of cheap pants urghh I was vaguely broody but funnily enough not anymore 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #TenThings 🙂

    Stevie xx

    • Funny I have heard that about the poo and pants things quite a lot.. apparently it happens a lot with boys! Wow forget the potty training then…you’ll have all the teenage joys coming before you know it! Thanks for hosting hon x

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