The other day I read on a forum somewhere that parents have ABC sex – namely, sex on anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas. So tickled by this I was, I wondered whether in a bid for more parental sex, we might actually have a shot of having a whole A-Z of parental sex. Well the only way to find out is this….
A for anniversary – seriously, if you can’t celebrate the day you got together or married with a little how’s your father, the prospects for the rest of the year are not looking good!
B for birthdays – sex, you can’t go wrong with that as a birthday present, surely?
C for Christmas – you can thank all the mulled wine for that!
D for date night – the pressure is on. Do or die.
E for Easter – come on, all the animals are feeling frisky – so should you. And you know a chocolate egg is not REALLY as good as sex, anyway.
F for fortnightly – twice a month, the holy grail of all parental sex.
G for get outta here! – otherwise known as, no sex for anyone at this moment in time.
H for Halloween – something about dressing up in all those costumes, must be.
I for is this really happening? – that amazing moment when somehow, you managed to fit in some sex, then stare at each other in disbelief and wonder on how you were able to make it happen
J for just a quick one – because something is always better than nothing in my book.
K for kidding...sex? parents? you gotta be…right?!
L for lying. – to your kids…because basically you’ll need to tell them you’re doing your taxes..or something.
M for multitasking – c’mon now…let’s be real about this….you’re still thinking about that wash you didn’t put on…
N for not – in a month of sundays…because if you had a month of sundays it wouldn’t matter to you ANYWAY!
O for only – if we can do it in the dark…and nobody can see my wobbly bits.
P for pleasssseeeee…if one of you grovels enough, something is going to give.
Q for quickly – anything is possible if you can only do it quickly!
R for random acts of kindness day – let this be yours!
S for Spring – because ya know, it’s time for some spring cleaning down there!
T for Thanksgiving – because we should be thankful that our bits are ever still working after childbirth!
U for uterus – because it said so.
V for vagina – namely, because it’s twitching…and twitchy vaginas are just weird.
W for when the sky falls down – or at least, that can sometimes be what it feels like!
X for x-cuses – the more prominently featured eventuality on this list.
Y for yes – wait? did you just say yes!!?
Z for zzzzzs. – or not, because for just one in your life, you decided that sex was more important that sleep!
Phew – I think my brain just fell out of my ear doing that but at least for the most part I managed to prove that although we might not be able to rustle up a whole alphabet of parental sex, at least we managed to conjure up a little bit more than just a miserly ABC…! Now the question is…did I miss anything? Speak now or forever hold your peace!
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Love this Talya. Really Funny. #CoolMumsClub
Brilliant. We’re definitely in the too tired category at the moment!! #coolmumclub
LOVE this. Utter genius and nope I think safe to say you covered everything there! Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! Going to have to share this now on twitter 🙂 #coolmumclub
Ha ha I love your writing chick – so funny! A great post xx #coolmumclub
Very good! I will have to show this to Misery Guts! #coolmumclub
Uh-oh…it’s our anniversary tomorrow!! Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub 🙂
Too funny! What a cute way to put a fun spin on a topic that becomes far too serious in some relationships. #coolmumclub
This is very funny and rather random: “Twitchy vagina”? WTF?!
;)#CoolMumsClub
This is brilliant (and weirdly reassuring!) Made me even crack a big smile on a miserable Thursday! #coolmumclub
That was amazing – like an alphabet for adults – found myself nodding to them all – love it #coolmumclub
Funny how A for anniversary sex is a thing, when W for wedding night sex was a total failure! (Too much Champers) 😉
Loving your alphabet-work Talya! #coolmumclub
Well done!! This must have been very difficult! (we have an A-Z of motherhood which was so hard to write so I take my hat off to you for covering j, v, x and z! Our V is also vagina….!) Great post, love it (especially S – haha!) Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub
Well that’s one way to make the ABCs a lot more entertaining haha. Love it. Very funny as always Talya!
Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x
brilliant! we’ve been hitched for 2 months today and I might share this with dear hubby later on…#coolmumclub thanks for hosting xx
This is brilliant!! What’s with the twitchy vagina though, does sound very weird indeed!! 😀 #coolmumclub
Ha ha twitchy vaginas – that cracked me up! Clever post and so true, thanks for hosting #coolmumclub
Ha nice one. P is actually for pitty in our house. It’s called a ‘Pitty shag’. When you just feel so sorry for them you have to put out! Bad doggy 😉
What is a twitchy V?!!!???
xxx #coolmumclub
Who knew the alphabet could be so fun! Love this! #coolmumclub
Hahaha great post! W for “wow, we should do this more often!”…when you do it after a long dry spell and it’s really good! But the reality is usually too busy/tired the next night and so the cycle continues… Date night made me laugh…oh the pressure!! #coolmumclub
So funny. Made me smile. I found myself nodding to many of those! #coolmumclub
Loved this post – a sign of what’s to come no doubt. Impressed you made it from A-Z! #coolmumclub
Lol, I am very impressed that you managed a whole alphabet here and I had to chuckle at the comment about fortnightly being the holy grail of parental sex! 🙂
haha too funny! I like the idea that I can consider it a random act of kindness haha.
#coolmumclub
Haha I am impressed! Made me laugh. I know exactly what you mean with I – we look at each other, astounded the baby has stayed asleep when we are both in the mood & awake! #coolmumclub
Very funny! No one want’s a twitchy V! Reminds me…partner has a birthday soon, pretty sure sex isn’t on the agenda though! Probably a takeaway and the literal meaning of netflix and chill! #coolmumclub
What is this sex you speak of 😉 xx #coolmumclub
haha brilliant. i forgot it all existed! #coolmumclub
Hah! Very amusing and well done on making it through the entire alphabet. I think we’re stuck on K for Kidding Right?! Ask me again when the toddler stops waking up at 5.30am! Thanks for hosting #CoolMumClub xx
I LOVE this, so much that I just showed it my husband who also laughed out loud. So funny, thanks for sharing! #coolmumclub
This is hilarious and creative! Thanks for hosting!
The twitchy vagina bit made me splutter in my tea #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane
Wow, well done! I was intrigued about what ‘X’ would be … and ‘excuses’ is as perfect as all the others. 🙂 #coolmumclub
Wow, I am impressed you made it all the way through to Z! This did make me laugh,I am sure all parents will be relating to this post #coolmumclub
This just tickled me pink! What a hilarious post! I made my husband read it too 😉
Genius, this! Hilarious. (I’m often guilty of M!!!)
This is excellent lol but I’d have to change the M for menopause *weeps* #Coolmumclub
Haha so funny! I love y..did he just say yes?!haha. Great post as always xx #coolmumclub
Ahahahaha absolutely hilarious but my blogger seeks husband post didn’t work. Ill bookmark this in the hope of being able to use it in the future!!
#coolmumclub
Ha ha, this is a great list. I think I’ll avoid showing it to the other half in a bid to not get his hopes up! #coolmumclub
Hahaha love this, well done on getting all 26. Amen for O! #coolmumclub xx
I am of course, hugely impressed you managed to come up with an entire A-Z!! Absolute genius!! No wonder your brain nearly fell out!! We are in the too tired and excuses camps at the moment!! I think we both fell asleep on our wedding anniversary too… Definitely not boding well…!!!
#coolmumclub
We are all about the quickies! We tell the kids we are showering and getting dressed which we do right after the quickie. I’m quite certain my second child was conceived in the closet. Lol great post! And thanks for hostessing #coolmumclub.
Haha – hilarious! Definitely x – lots of them! #coolmumclub
I absolutely love this! Especially I. I think all our sex is I or J lol! #coolmumclub