It’s 2023. Your child is being bullied. Now what?

child is being bullied
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It’s every parent’s worst nightmare – to discover their child is being bullied. Yet according to a global report, almost a quarter of British pupils say they are being bullied a few times a month. The chances that your child will be at the receiving end is therefore relatively likely, and of course, with the advent of cyberbullying things have become more complex because bullying is no longer confined to just the playground.

Dr. Monica Vermani, Clinical Psychologist and author of A Deeper Wellness: Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety and Traumas, shares her insights on what to do if you discover your child is being bullied.

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We spend the first few years of our children’s lives protecting them from a world that — as new parents — can suddenly seem a lot more dangerous than we had previously imagined. We slowly introduce them to and teach them about the world, and prepare them for the day when they will leave the comfort and protection of home and move out into the world. For most kids, their first taste of independence is at school, where they begin to interact with peers without parental supervision.

At every stage of our children’s lives, it is important that we love and guide them with clear boundaries and expectations, and through our actions and behaviors, we teach them kindness and compassion for others. 

Bullying can happen at any age

The reality is that we cannot bubblewrap our kids, and just as they might scrape their knees, fall off their bike, or experience overwhelm at times in their young lives, any child might find themselves the victim of bullying at any age, or any stage, no matter how many friends they have, or how well, they are performing in school and in their other pursuits.

Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. And bullying may be physical, emotional, or social — where a bully isolates their victim by turning peers against their target — or a combination of all three. And these days, especially with children of an age where they have access to online social media, bullying can continue beyond the classroom and in-person settings. Online bullying is particularly insidious, as it continues and spreads, causing relentless damage.

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Stay tuned and look out for signs

Not every child will be forthcoming when they are the victim of bullying. They may feel overwhelmed and unsure about how to deal with what is happening, that it is their fault. They may be embarrassed or feel like they should be able to deal with it without parental intervention — particularly if they are of middle-school or high-school age. You may have noticed a change in their behaviour or mood, or that they have been withdrawing from friends, turning down social activities, or wanting to say home from school.

As soon as you learn that your child is experiencing bullying, it is important to take action.

What to do if your child is being bullied

Here’s what to do when you learn that your child is being bullied:

Believe them

Listen to what they have to say. Resist the urge to minimize the situation. Reassure them that you love them and that it’s your job to support, protect and advocate for them. 

Get your emotions under control

Learning a child is being bullied can be devastating for a parent, but it is important to process your feelings and fears. This will enable you to act versus react as you move forward, and bring in resources to effectively deal with the bully and the bullying.

Resist the impulse to retaliate

Do not be reactive and retaliate against the bully or their family. This often only makes your child’s situation worse.

Limit or push pause on your child’s social media interactions

Bullying often carries over onto social media. When social media is part of the bullying scenario, disengage and take a break from online interactions. Work with your child to take screenshots, as proof of online attacks of online bullying activities, as proof of the aggression. Explain to them that when they disengage from social media, they are no longer adding fuel to the bully’s fire. 

Bring in support

If you can identify the bully, consider talking to their parents. Contact your child’s school if the bullying is happening with classmates, whether in person or online. Your child’s school will have procedures in place to intervene and stop the bullying. Professionals and also find proper coaches or teachers to help you navigate the situation healthily. 

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Create healthy in-person social situations for your child

Encourage your child to talk to their friends, who may not understand what is going on. Help your child make plans to spend time in person with their friends, engaging in fun activities. 

Use this experience to learn and grow

Through conquering adversity, we build resilience. We can help build resilience in our children by teaching them how to learn from their experiences, cope with setbacks, deal with their negative emotions, and develop capabilities and connections with other people by bringing in resources when they need them. When your child feels capable and connected, they will feel worthy of and confident in their place in the world. Your child can build resilience as a result of this experience, move beyond this experience and build positive, fulfilling friendships. And very importantly — they will have the skill set to know how to find support and stand up for themselves in the face of adversity. 

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