I had a bizarre thought the other day. What would parenting look like in the year 2050? Would we have the same parent problems? Or would our parental woes and parenthood pains be eased by an army of robots at our beckon? I like to lean towards the latter. So imagine if you will, life as a parent in the year 2050, as predicted by a team of very highly skilled future forecasters at Real Deal HQ who cordially present to you their future parenting trends:
Screen time worries will be thing of the past
In fact, there will be no screens…your sproglets will merely connect their brains up direct to a crazy land of stimulation opportunities, rendering the TV, ipad, and basically all electronic things they are supremely annoying about, a thing of the past. Other good news on this front is that all these incredible entertainment options available at the end of a cable will make that soul sucking phenomenon that is soft play…a thing of the past. Hurrah!
You won’t care how much mess they make
Not because lobotomies have been made mandatory for all parents to survive the course of parenthood, but because you will have an army of robots to sweep the floor, pick up random bits of pain-inducing Lego, and peel yesterday’s breakfast off the floor at the touch of the button. Score!
You will finally become the domestic goddess you always wanted to be
Holy moly! How is this possible unless we have all been hit by a comet by this point and are residing in heaven? Picture this – all your devices will link directly to your brain meaning that you only need to think the word “pancakes” and “put a wash on” for that to happen. Simply tickle your neurons with the idea of “bedtime” and the “bedtime robot” kicks into action and swiftly whisks all your little beans into bed, tucking them in so efficiently that they can barely itch their bottom in their sleep, let alone come and give you a midnight visit. Amazeballs!
You will no longer need to deal with your sleep deprivation
How is this physically possible?? I hear you all clambering to ask! Because by then there will be a pill to make sure your body’s sleep needs have been met synthetically instead of having to actually find the time to lie down to sleep meaning that you finally have all the time in the world to balance motherhood with your career and personal life. Huzzah!
Parental politics will be almost entirely eradicated
Yes! Finally you won’t have to face up to all those fakers in the playgound because children will go to school on a network of human conveyor belts making the school run a thing of the past. Rejoice!
Discipling your child won’t be an issue
By the year 2050, we will have all gone so free-range that families are practically one big farmyard, and who needs to discipline animals anyway?
Independence comes early
You won’t be worried about whether you are giving your child enough independence because our tots will have become so advanced by then that they will live in their own penthouse flat raking it in in the city as a CEO by the time they are five years old. Therefore, the cost of raising your children will no longer be an issue as it will be – in fact – they who are supporting you! Watch all unrealistic expectations finally be attained as you quietly step to one side and faint.
Do you think these predictions have any hope in hell of being true? What else would your in-house future forecasters predict?
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