10 signs you are falling into the parent uncool

Nerd Woman on Gray Background

Before becoming a mum, you know, a parent, I used to think myself a bit “cool”. Not exactly a hipster, but perhaps a little bit happenin’, you know – down with the kids (excuse me while I prise my tongue out of my cheek).

Anyway, fast forward 2 years down the line and that now ridiculous notion of being ‘cool’ in any way, shape, or form let alone a cool parent has very much erased itself from any aspect of my being. I mean, how does anyone who is a parent, even have the time to be cool in-between wiping s*** off their child’s bum and food off the floor? Hmmm is that the sounds of uncool parents wonderland calling?

In case you are in any doubt whether you may in fact, still bit holding on to a shred of coolness, here are 10 signs that you are in fact, probably not:

  1. You have started listening to BBC Radio 2 and think you are somewhat cool for doing so – is this cool? Probably not.
  2. You think the theme tune to Rasta Mouse is actually pretty cool and can be found singing along and busting out some wannabe Dance Hall moves to it. About as cool as a lizard on a hot rock.
  3. You think ASOS and Boohoo are as cool as it gets when it comes to clothes shopping, purely because it saves the time of having to actually go into a shop. A fashion icon you are not.
  4. You have no idea what festivals are cool to go to anymore. You have no idea what music is cool to listen to anymore. And the idea of camping without a Travel John to pee into in the middle of the night turns your blood cold.
  5. You think those Johnny Depp glasses which turn to shades are cool and have a pair of your own. Only cool on A-listers, not you.
  6. You keep on remarking on how inappropriately young girls are dressed and how they must be freezing in that crop top. Move over cray cray grandma and grandpa!
  7. You realise that if you’re a woman: you are never going to get wolf whistled at by a builder ever again and if you’re a man: the only person who is probably going to eye you up is a gay guy on the make. OK so maybe this never made you cool in the first place, but at least it meant you had some sort of game!
  8. You no longer spend any flying solo public transport journeys catching up on all your fave Sound Cloud playlists but instead can be found thanking god for feeling bored or drowning in a pile of dribble as you fall asleep. Whatevs.
  9. You do not book any gig, film, night out or similar if it starts at 8.30pm or later and leave well before things start hotting up so you can sneak off back to bed. You have officially forgotten how to chillax; and you officially have no FOMO (fear of missing out – if you didn’t know that, you can double your uncool score).
  10. Your once cool dancing now falls safely into the mummy/daddy dancing category. Whatever happened to those moves? Down the shitter, that’s what.

So how did you score? Seriously uncool, or just a bit lame ass? Of course, I do all of the 10 above so we know what that makes me….

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  1. Love this post! That obviously makes me so cool. Or not. Postmodern cool. ASOS is amazing. Radio 4 not Radio 2. I’ve just changed a dinner meeting tomorrow from 8.30pm to 7.30pm. And oh my, i’m sure I used to be able to dance… caught sight of myself dancing with my son today…what on earth happened there!! I could go on, but i think you get the picture of coolness that I’m drawing for you!

  2. Does it make me uncool that I LOVE this post? If so then I will wear the t-shirt proud! I am hanging on by a thread. The whole remarking on young girls clothing is totally me unfortunately….gosh I am so old now. #wineandboobs

  3. Who needs to be cool when bed and a hot cup of tea is calling?!!! Yep, definitely no longer cool! x #ShareWithMe

  4. I got all of finding these bar the ASOS one, I simply don’t seem to ever buy clothes anymore and all my current stuff is covered in food and baby sick! #wineandboobs

  5. I am super uncool and probably always have been. But I have to say the social butterfly will never say to know to anything social – I do not care what time of the day it starts or finishes. But I can definitely relate to your list. #nailedit Mel xx #wineandboobs

  6. I got six out of ten!! Was nodding straight from the beginning because I listen to radio two! Got fed up with stations with adverts and radio one is just too hip for me! Also look at underdressed girls thinking where’s their coats!! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  7. Oh, I am so uncool but strangely comfortable with that which probably confirms my uncoolness! Number 8 made me giggle. That’s so me! Great post 🙂 #TheList

  8. Haha, this is the best!! I’m so not cool anymore. But I probably never was! I aspire to be the so uncool it’s funny mum though! I’ve been shopping at ASOS for ages, I recently went to meadowhall when I was up in Sheffield and it felt bizarre to go actual shopping! I even went in New Look – and wondered if I was too old to be in there! haha #thelist

  9. Oh I’m soooo uncool!I totally will not watch a film that starts after 8.30 and have commented “it’s not that warm is it?” to the hubby on seeing a teen totter past wearing bare minimum #picknmix

  10. Aww i love this post – super funny!! By this i am merging on very uncool although Radio 2 will never suck me in! haha! Such a lovely read! Suz x Beauisblue.com

  11. Hey Talya, you already know I love this post 😉 even though I have read it before I still LOL’d at number ten. I actually went to a nightclub Saturday night and one of my friends actually put her handbag on the floor for us to dance around…I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave! x #coolmumclub

  12. Asos and Boohoo are cool, right? Right? Radio 2 is the killer for me though. I have still not succumbed, and the reason for that can only be that when I was a wee nipper, it was what my parents listened to. And they admitted that they had done so since the age of 25! 25! I swore I would rather gnaw off my own arm than listen to Radio 2, and so far, I have kept my word.

    I have fallen on most of the others though.

  13. Loved all of this post. I do all of the above (except listen to radio 2 but I’m a 210 fm gal and that’s just as bad). I think I lost my cool badge well and truly as soon as I hit my thirties. Oh and I had no idea what FOMO meant so what does that tell you? Lol

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