Navigating the teenage years with your child can feel like you’ve lost all control as a parent. Your child is going through so many changes that at times you may not recognise them. You go from being their world, to them often seemingly wanting to be a world away from you. It can be hard. But teenagers also get a bad rep, and this stage of parenting doesn’t have to be full of arguments and slamming doors. Here is some advice for parents of teenagers.

Keep Communication Open and Judgement-Free

Start with your approach to communication: keep it open, honest, and judgement-free. Teenagers are working through complex emotions and are often under considerable social pressure. They need a safe space where they can express themselves without fear of reprimand or dismissal.

Encourage dialogue by asking open-ended questions that show you’re interested in their lives without being intrusive. Phrases like “Tell me more about that,” or “How do you feel about what happened?” can open up conversations and show that you value their opinions and feelings.

Set Clear Boundaries and Be Consistent

Setting clear boundaries is crucial. Teenagers will test limits; it’s a part of growing up and discovering their own identity. Clearly outline what is acceptable and what is not, and explain the reasons behind these rules. Importantly, ensure that any consequences for breaking rules are fair, consistent, and agreed upon in advance.

Consistency helps teenagers feel secure during a period of their lives that can often feel quite unstable. It’s about being firm and fair, not rigid or harsh. This approach not only minimises conflict but also teaches valuable lessons about responsibility and the consequences of one’s actions.

Choose Your Battles

Learning to choose your battles can preserve peace at home and is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Not every hill is worth dying on, and sometimes, letting the small stuff slide can pave the way for smoother interactions. If your teenager’s room looks like a bomb hit it, remember that a little mess is less important than their mental and emotional well-being.

Focus on issues of greater significance like their behaviour, their choice of friends, and their approach to responsibilities. These are worth addressing directly, while less critical issues might be managed with a lighter touch.

Foster Independence

As teenagers push for more independence, it’s important to support their growth while guiding them. Encourage them to take on responsibilities, whether that means managing their schoolwork, taking part in household chores, or getting a part-time job. These experiences are invaluable for building self-confidence and preparing them for adult life.

Spend Quality Time Together

Despite their outward appearance of wanting to be left alone, teenagers still need positive interactions with their parents. Plan activities that you can enjoy together. Whether it’s a movie night, a sports event, or a family outing, shared experiences can strengthen bonds and build mutual respect.

Listen More Than You Speak

Sometimes, all your teenager needs is to feel heard. Listen actively, and give them your full attention when they speak. This does not always mean offering an immediate solution but showing empathy and understanding. You’ll be surprised how much this can help in maintaining a smoother and more communicative relationship.

Keep Your Sense of Humour

Last but not least, keep your sense of humour. Not every mishap needs to be a catastrophe, and laughing together can be the perfect antidote to tension. Humour provides a release and shows that home is not just a place for rules and discipline, but also for warmth and fun.

Remember

When I’ve received one too many eye rolls from my teen and I can feel my temper rising I try and remember three things:

• Their brains are re-wiring and re-learning everything. This is why they seem to forget everything you say. They genuinely can’t help it.
• Remembering how I felt when I was a teenager, and that was without the pressures teens are under today.
• I got through the teenage years so I can get through this!

It also helps to have friends with kids a similar age. You can moan together, but it’s reassuring to know your teen is ‘normal’.

Check out this great video about the teenage brain…

Navigating the teenage years doesn’t have to be a relentless storm. Remember, the goal isn’t to get through these years without any arguments, but to foster a relationship that is enriched by them — a relationship where both parent and teenager learn, grow, and thrive together.