I can’t help feel a bit funny today. I know that having one child is the right decision for us…for so many reasons. I know inside the whys and wherefores of our decision which ultimately comes down to a complex combination of health, a convoluted family situation, the finances of it all, and whether we would make it through as a couple a second time round. I know deep down this is the best choice for me and my little family, for our sanity and wellness, and happiness.
But over the last week three of my friends have announced they are pregnant with their second child…and if you’re reading this I am utterly over the moon for you all, truly I am – but I can’t deny the fact that each time I read those words, saw that scan… I felt a jolt, a bit like someone had slapped me inside.
It’s the most bizarre feeling – like I have been betrayed somehow by who? only God knows…myself, possibly by my own uterus flicking itself upside down in utter disgust at our decision not to meet its demands of another and the notion of what might have been.
The truth is…I thought I’d got my thoughts and feelings about our decision to only have one child locked down. I thought I had arrived at a point where I had accepted my blessing of one and all the incredible moments of being a parent that have come with it.
So I have to admit to being totally perplexed as I write this, as I try to work through what exactly is going on inside right now, as I try to decipher why the probing questions or thoughtless pleas to have another child are hitting me right where it hurts when usually, I’ve got this. .
I should know the drill by now. I should know that everyone is different and the grass is not greener on the other side, but where you water it. I should know that I should be grateful to even have one child when so many people struggle to have children at all. And I show know to cherish what I have right now, in this moment, more than ever; because as I write these words another friend is currently battling to stay alive as long as she can to be a mother to her daughter of similar age to mine in the face of the dreaded C.
I know that instead of wishing for more roses, I need to get back to watering the beautiful one I already have. That’s the way your garden grows, after all.
***Did this post resonate with or move you? Please do give it a little tweet or share if so. Please also like my Facebook page here for more posts***
This blog has been verified by Rise: Rde2d0ecd730cb4841c68c41420e599da