Sometimes I’m not the mum I want to be…but that’s ok

not the mum I want to be

Sometimes, I’m not the mum I want to be, and I know for sure I’m definitely not the mum I thought I would be. I have my failings, my limitations, my flaws, my vulnerabilities.

I am not as patient as I would like to be, and often lose my rag at the most ridiculous of things because I wasn’t able to put a lid on my irrational, inherited temper.

I am not a crafting goddess, and quite frankly sweat bullets during the making of the most simplest of creations, and can often be found losing my sanity during its making.

I am not the mum who takes it all in her stride, that makes this motherhood thing look like water of a duck’s back, who doesn’t ever beat herself up, who lets her kids fit in around her, and who seems to emanate “I got this” from every pore in her skin.

And I am not the mum who has been able to birth a whole brood, because truth be told – I have struggled with the seismic shift of just having the one child.

I’m not her mum, the Pinterest mum, the Insta mum, that mum over there on Facebook, or the mum that anyone probably thinks I should be.

But I am the mum who muddles through giving her 110% with all her flaws in tow.

And I am the mum who loves so deeply, as deep as the earth’s core, and who feels every step in this journey of motherhood so keenly.

And I am the good enough mum, who always did what she thought was right at the time.

And I AM the only mum that my daughter needs, and when those times when my shell seems to shatter around me, and I’m exposed in all my vulnerability, the only mum I am….to her, is still the best mummy in the world. And that’s all that really matters in this motherhood thing, isn’t it?

How often do you feel you’re not the mum you want to be?

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  1. All the time! I thought I would love it, be patient, never shout or loose my temper. They are all I have ever wanted so I never imagined I would have PND.

    I love being a mummy so much but my god it’s hard, so hard. I think I feel every emotion possible in just one day.

    And it’s the total loneliness I feel everyday that has surprised me despite the fact that I am never alone.

  2. Kids forgive all of our flaws, they are amazing! I have such a short fuse but my boys don’t judge me (ihope) #thecoolmumclub

  3. Right this very moment, as I desperately watch the clock for my husband to get home. I, too, am regularly having to walk away to another room, just to contain my anger or incredible boredom. But then there are those heart sing moments; enough to get me through. Thanks for your honesty. #coolmumclub

  4. I’m not really sure what type of mum I though I would be. But most days I go to bed and think tomorrow I’ll be a better mum. One things for certain, like you I love my boy with all my heart. I try to not put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mum. I don’t think she really exists. Her false imagine is just there to make us feel like shitty failures!

  5. Ummm let’s think, Monday I wasn’t the mum I wanted to be as I let YouTube babysit so I could sleep, Tuesday we only got as far as the supermarket and did nothing fun, Wednesday I missed bedtime…. I’m rarely ever the mum I want to be but I’m the best mum I can be and that’s all we can ever ask for #coolmumclub

  6. A great read. You sound an amazing mum. I’m not sure the perfect mum exists, I think some people are just better at presenting themselves as ‘perfect’ #coolmumclub

  7. Right there with you! Not the mum I want to be sometimes, but yet I’m only human. Not the mum I thought I would be sometimes, but I guess real life happened in between. But knowing that it’s OK and that we all do our best is the most important thing not to doubt ourselves.. #coolmumclub

  8. Oh this brought a tear to my eye, Talya. I feel like that some days and feel pulled in so many directions. There are days where I really feel I’m not enough or doing a good enough job. But we are lovely and we need to remember that! #CoolMumClub

  9. I felt every single word of this, Talya. It’s so easy to focus on the bits we’d change about ourselves and only measure how we fall short against our own unachievable standards. But we’d never hold any other mother to account the way we do ourselves, and that’s because the love is so fierce for our babies that they deserve nothing but the best. So we fight to give them that, because it’s the least they deserve. And that makes us a better mum than we ever could have envisaged. Even if we are crap at crafts! (I HATE CRAFTS…..) #coolmumclub

  10. Oh yes, I know that feeling very well. I’ve become the “yes, sweetheart, very good” Mummy who isn’t really paying attention. I encourage “independent play” 24 7 because the thought of playing with cars, again, makes me want to tear all my hair out. I always imagined being that mum who constantly arranges crafty playdates, and has adventures in the park… but I’m the mum who rarely makes it to playgroup and who’s house is far too messy for anyone to enter. We’re all doing the best we can though! #coolmumclub

  11. You know what? No one can tell us what we’re supposed to be like as a mum. We set our own ways and rules ha ha. No seriously, loved this post. There’s so much pressure to be a certain way but we all have to do it our way.

    Think I have a new mantra for 2017 “I’m not her mum, the Pinterest mum, the Insta mum, that mum over there on Facebook, or the mum that anyone probably thinks I should be.” Good one MTRD Talya. Can’t wait to see you next week x #coolmumclub

  12. I’m right there with you! I’m definitely not the mum I thought I would be. I have no patience and end up snapping at my child at the littlest things sometimes. I hate myself for it and I’m trying to work on it. I think there’s a lot to be said for people that can own up to their own flaws. Being a “good enough” mum is good enough for me. Our children don’t love us any less. Thanks for sharing #coolmumclub

  13. I had so many ideas of the mum I would be, some right and most wrong. Our kids love us and are loved. That’s all that matters… Oh, and keeping them alive, but we’re cool on that front thus far 😉 #coolmumclub

  14. I could have written this myself. I relate to all of it. Even down to the one child. I wonder daily if we should be giving Little Man a sibling. He doesn’t want one but I worry we should for later on in life. That’s a whole new blog post! Love this though. Thanks for sharing. #coolmumclub

  15. I’m not the Mum that can’t bear to be away from her kids…nope today I had a lovely breakfast with my friends. And that’s okay. In fact it was pretty amazing 😉

    Love this – you are a cracker of a Mum and that little pickle is one lucky lady. You rock #coolmumclub co-host of awesomeness…

  16. I think that all of those ‘Mums’ you mentioned that you are not… are not that dissimilar in that ALL mothers feel that there is something about themselves that they aren’t doing right. We all get Mum guilt and we all feel like we want to crawl under a rock at times. Every mother feels that way… you are not alone and are doing amazingly! You rock missy! Just look at this awesome blogging community you are part of and have created! Epic! #coolmumclub … and you are definitely one cool mum!

  17. Oh this is so relevant for me right now! I’ve been beating myself up all week about my complete lack of patience!! I can’t handle the constant sibling fights and I’ve been losing it big time. Like you, I’m also a terrible arts and crafts mum. It’s so easy to dwell on all the things we’re not and the bad times. But you’re so right, that despite all our flaws, our kids just want us!

  18. I was never my mother’s kind of mum. My house was always a mess (and still is!) and I was always disorganised. I rarely had dinner on the table for when my husband came home.

    But you know what? I’ve raised a daughter who’s going to be a wonderful mum, another who’s growing in maturity and independence, two sons who know what they want in life, and my youngest, who throws herself into everything with far more confidence that I had at her age. Messy house aside, I didn’t do a bad job, and you’re doing fine as well.

  19. When we are bombarded by social media pics of the perfect home/lifestyle day in day out I can see how we can get insecure. Sometimes I feel my photos of every day life aren’t perfectly posed and reflect piles of washing etc but life is messy. #coolmumclub

  20. I don’t think mums will ever think they’re patient enough – I think even the most patient mum in the world still has their days when you just lose your shit…As you say, all that matters is that our kids love us for who we are just as much as we do them xx #coolmumclub

  21. I am not the mum I want to be on an almost daily basis as I am always questioning whether I could have done something better or differently. I get cross more than I think I should but I am always there for my teens regardless and frequently say I am sorry if I am not perfect but this is as good as it gets and I hope it is enough for you. Thanks for a thought provoking post as always. #coolmumclub

  22. I am not the mum I want to be purely because I have to work and it’s something I ever thought I’d be doing once I had children. I wanted to be a stay at home mum like my mum was. But I am the good enough mum – I do the best I can with the resources I have and I have the most amazing, funny, gorgeous little boy, so I must be doing something right #coolmumclub

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