20 things parents say that they swore they never would (before they became parents)

things parents say

Remember the days before you became a parent when you swore you’d never sound like your mum or dad, or when you promised you’d never be THAT parent in the flushes of new parenthood. Well, as we all know, the best laid plans go to pot and help us know that we are not alone in the total demise of intentions, I thought it would all make us feel a hell of a lot better to lay down 20 things parents swore they would never say, which now trip off the tongue wayyyy to easily, as fessed up by fab fellow parenting bloggers. See how many you’ve been guilty of letting slip out more times than you care to remember (my score: 20/20).

The one about technology

“Here – have the iPad. I need 5 minutes to myself. ” Never thought I’d be THAT parent but I am! – The Unsung Mum 

The empty  threats

“If you do that one more time” after one of my little ones has done it about 10 times! – The Parenting Trials

The good cop bad cop

“Do you want me to tell daddy on you? No? Well stop it then!” – A Slice of My Life Wales 

The one about facial-hygiene

“Come here while I clean your face” whilst spiting on hanky…Yorkshire Wonders 

The total autocrat

“Because I said so!”- Little Lily Pad  

The chicken nugget pusher

“Do you want chicken nuggets for your tea?” –  Rockandrollpussycat.co.uk

The Santa threaten-er

“I’ll ring Father Christmas!!!”…. (in June!!) – Real Mum Review 

The scene stealer

“I’ll take it away if you carry on been naughty” – The Chesire Wife

The old saying wheeler

“Wash behind your ears of you’ll grow potatoes behind there’ … “Actually channeling my Mum now and my daughter is only 4 months. Oops! – Fizzy Peaches 

And the old wives teller

“Put some clothes on otherwise you’ll catch your death” I literally turn into my Mum as I say those words…..! – Hannah Spannah

What does that mean anyway?!

“Do you live in a barn?” when my son doesn’t shut the door after himself – I sound just like my Dad!!! – Five Little Doves  

The fear-mongerer

“Your eyes will turn square if you get any closer to the tv” – 3girlsmummy.co.uk

The sweet sell out

“Yes, just eat the sodding sweets” – the joys of grandparents sending home giant bags of Haribo – chammyirl.co.uk 

The no no no-er

“No!” I promised myself, as we’re mostly a baby-led gentle parenting family, that I would find gentle alternatives to the word no. It just comes out! I’m struggling to find alternatives to no… but we do also explain to her why she can’t do something. – Tattooed Tea Lady 

The TV touter

“Yes you can watch more tv.” I thought I’d be a craft goddess but actually, crafting with kids is a massive hassle and they are only bothered for such a short time it hardly seems worth it!  – Pink Pear Bear 

The toy torturer

“If you don’t tidy up your toys I’ll just throw them in the bin!” – my goodness I’m SO my own mother! –  Emily and Indiana 

The back in my day dreamer

“We didn’t have that in my day, you don’t know how lucky you are. We lived without google! Can you imagine?” – Susan K Mann

The serious excuse pedeller

“I can’t come and play at the moment darling – I’ve got a bone in my leg” 😂The boys just accept it – as I did, with ‘ah OK mummy’ – The Twinkle Diaries

The tantrum (un)-tamer

“Oh my goodness shut the f*** up” under my breath and out of ear shot as the piercing scream goes out across the supermarket. Cringe. Now now darling could you please be quiet… said so the little darling can hear it. – Mummy In a Tutu 

The one where you sound like grandma

The other day my 6 year complained that he hated school and wanted to be a dinosaur instead. Before I realised, “School is the best time of your life” slipped out of my mouth. That was the day I turned into my grandmother. Shame.” – The Parenting Jungle

So fess up! how many of these have been known to trip off your tongue – scores out of 20 please in a comment below! For more musings on the things we thought would never happen before we became parents check out this post on things you take for granted before becoming a parent and one of my favourites – life before and after motherhood (20 ways your life changes).

20 things parents say that they swore they never would (before they became parents)

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31 comments

  1. Such a great list. It is speaking the reality. I was thinking like–“Hey, I have said the exact thing in the past.”

  2. This is brilliant! I think I almost scored a top 20 out of 20! The wiping my kids’ faces with my own gob – now that’s just disgusting and I used to HATE it, but I now find myself doing it! The no TV, no ipad, no screens at all, well that’s totally gone out of the window. And the chicken nugget pusher – hilarious. #coolmumclub

  3. Haha, I was a 9/20 but that’s only because some of these phrases would be lost on my 2 year old. Give it another 12 – 18 months and I’m sure I’ll be at a solid 15+.

    Also, the “bone in my leg” comment made me laugh out loud because my dad ALWAYS said that. I thought it was just him so amuses me that other people say that 🙂

    #CoolMumClub
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…The fear and worry of parenthoodMy Profile

  4. Loved this Talya! I pretty much use everyone one of them but my most common one is “why don’t you look up from the two-inch screen?” Er…Excuse me? I don’t even know how big 2 inches is. I only know cms..!
    #coolmumclub

  5. Howled at “I can’t come and play at the moment darling – I’ve got a bone in my leg”. I’m so going to try this. Never thought I’d be one for the “spit-wash” but sometimes needs must! Brilliant collection. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub xx

  6. Hahaha I think this is my biggest learning curve since becoming a parent – I literally do all the things I never thought I would. Our pre-children selves could be so judgey #coolmumclub

  7. I’m up to 14 and River is only 2!

    My personal fav line is ‘if you go to sleep straight away I promise we’ll do something really fun tomorrow’. Every single night! Oops.

    Great post x x x

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