Why my heart will always want another child

Regular readers of my blog will know that we have made the decision to stop at only one child. I know this is the right thing for both my physical and mental well-being, and my family’s happiness, and for many, many other reasons. Yet it doesn’t take away from the fact that inside, my heart will always yearn for another child.

Today I had another reminder of this. My period started, made an appearance for one day, then stopped. As I sat on the toilet wondering what on earth was happening, and whether I should be going to buy a pregnancy test, an internal tug of war played out.

In the voice of horror: OH MY GOD WHAT IF I AM PREGNANT AGAIN???!

Then in the voice of joy: OH MY GOD WHAT IF I AM PREGNANT AGAIN??!

A day later, my period made an appearance again, and the questions faded away. But then what was left is this:

If I am absolutely honest with myself, there is more than just a piece of me that still yearns for another child. That wonders what if? What IF we had another child? What IF she had a sibling? How magical would it be to hold another baby that I had grown inside me for nine months in my arms again? To hear their little bleating cry as they were laid upon my chest as a newborn? To be sat in the depths of the night with them in that special time of nursing – just me and them. And have all those amazingly magical and precious moments and experiences that only a baby can bring you.

But then I remember all the reasons why we have chosen to have only one child. Why – if I take off those rose-tinted glasses – we don’t want to have another baby. Having gone through everything and having come through the other side four and a half years later, I just could not fathom going through the seemingly endless sleep deprivation or have to deal with the fact that while everyone has promised us our second baby could be easier, that it could just as easily be ten times worse.

I practically inwardly shudder as I think about having to juggle a school run and baby at the same time, and just can not get my head around no longer having that precious one-on-one time that I have become so accustomed to with our daughter. Not to mention the fact that I am pretty sure I would have zero boobs left afterwards!

Of course, I know this has been done time and time again by mothers all over the world (albeit the fact that so many mums seem to be struggling these days), but while we’ve made the decision that having another baby is not for us, I can’t cover up the fact any longer that my heart will still always yearn for another child, and if a stork came along and dropped off a baby on our doorstep then there would be no question about it.

I’m pretty sure that so many mums out there still yearn for another child, whether they have stopped at one, two, three or even possibly more, and perhaps this is just down to our biological urge. Does your heart still yearn for another child? Do share in a comment below.




  1. I can empathise with both sides of the argument here. I miss my three being little babies and toddlers, but the past 6 years have been so hard with twins and going from one to three in one go, it’s a natural form of contraception!!

  2. This is such a heart touching and honest post, thank you so much for sharing. I had a pretty tough time with my son (and a serious needle phobia) and I thought I would only ever have one child. I actually had another child 5 years later and the age gap is so so tough. I feel like I need to split myself in two trying to keep everyone happy. We have decided that we will never have any more children and whilst I am physically drained my heart still breaks at never having the pregnancy and newborn experience ever again!

  3. I have three children, we always planned four but after a scary last pregnancy and labour (due to my blood pressure going high in pregnancy) and having a son who still does not sleep at 3 years old I know we are done. I know we won’t have any more but sometimes I do get pangs and think I would love another. xx

  4. My heart yearns to have ‘a’ child one day, whether one or more which ever option it will be I hope to take it. I know this decision for your guys wasn’t taken lightly.

  5. I love having babies in the house but have to admit that after having Sebastian I accepted that we were having no more. Doesn’t stop me cooing over tiny babies though

  6. I would definitely love another one. The past months have been difficult after a miscarriage at 12 weeks in the summer. I would have more than one more if we were in a different financial situation. I know you have made a decision that is right for your family ❤️

  7. I am torn . Nila is 8 Months Old and we sold her snuzpod and I’m sad about it . We have three girls but I think I will always want more , but I also want more sleep 🙂 x

  8. There are so many factors when we make the decision to have or not have children. It’s not just about our urges is it. I know that I couldn’t cope with another baby even if I did want one

  9. I’m so with you on this. We’ve decided to stop at one, for the sake my physical and mental health, as well as finances and our plans for the future etc etc… but I get a pang every time I see siblings playing together, or when we’re at the park and Dee tries to join in a game with other children who ignore her. It cuts so deep! I did try and talk to Dave about adopting a couple of months ago but he’s not keen at all.

  10. After 3 miscarriages, I finally had my boy 6 years ago, then a girl 2 years later. I was delighted when I managed to persuade my husband to try for a third. And even more so when I got pregnant. Sadly the baby died at 4 months pregnant as it had Edwards Syndrome. After 6 months of trying and no luck, with much sadness we decided not to have any more. And count our blessings for the 2 amazing and funny little ones we were lucky enough to have.

  11. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve chosen just to have one and I’m happy with that choice. Yet I’d love to be pregnant again and to have tiny baby cuddles again, but without having another child. Hmmmmm. #coolmumclub

  12. It’s such a tough decision – I’m still back and forth about it now! My daughter is fab, and in many ways I would like another one, but equally I had a difficult labour, found the baby stage so physically and mentally tough, and financially, practically etc it would be a real struggle…hoping that I’ll ‘just know’ someday what the right decision is! #CoolMumClub

  13. I don’t think that urge ever stops. We have three children and I am run ragged to the point of despair some days and there is absolutely no way I could cope with another. So much so that my husband had the ‘big op’ a few months ago. And now, the fact that I know there are to be know more babies, makes me feel sad beyond belief. I guess you cant stop that animalistic maternal yearning! #CoolMumClub

  14. Yes! This. All of this. I have two but I always wanted 3. I have diabetes and pretty scary pregnancies so I know I shouldn’t risk it but the heart continues to want. I just need to shush it every so often… #coolmumclub

  15. I don’t think the feeling ever goes away. Both the Husband and I are completely happy to stop at two. My head is 100% sure we do not want anymore children. But sometimes my heart doesn’t get the message. Especially coming up to my youngest’s 4th birthday next week. I don’t think it’s a broodiness as much as it is a sadness that those days are behind us and I won’t ever experience those things again. Funnily enough I have a post going live on Sunday about ‘rose tinted parenting’. #coolmumclub

  16. We adopted and I would like to adopt a second child. I would like to have my little have a sibling! #coolmumclub

  17. We have one but I’d love another. Yet there are days when I wonder whether we’d be better off as a one and done family. I think hormones play a big part! #coolmumclub

  18. I’ve had three kids and I STILL get this feeling. I absolutely know that stopping at three is absolutely right for us for a number of reasons, but I still get a twinge of sadness knowing that we won’t be doing it again. Lovely post x #coolmumclub

  19. I *thought* I was done at 2 kids and now here I am with my 3rd child! This time though I couldn’t even fathom having another one. I know that physically, mentally and financially a 4th would tip me over the edge! #coolmumclub

  20. Oh yes, those ovaries are definitely hard wired to pull at something in our brain! Having two kids, I’m still feeling the same as you hun but my head is definitely Done with a capital D.
    And anyway, #CoolMumClub is our other love child right Talya?! x

  21. Ahhh! I totally get you. I still look at newborns and get that tug and wonder “what if”. After we had our second child, I was seriously tempted to have another, but time has marched on and I know it’s too late now for us, but it doesn’t stop me wondering about it. I do think many women go through the same thing. #CoolMumClub xxx

  22. I think a lot of women suffer this debate silently in their head. You have to do whats right for you and your family, and if something is meant to be then I’m a strong believer of it happening when you least expect it! You never know!! #Coolmumclub

  23. I think it can be pretty normal to feel like this – that maternal tug and pull towards wanting another baby. But like you say, reality kicks in and you remember why you are not going down that route. I have three and Is till feel that pull, especially when I watch OBEM – you would think id be put off right?! #CoolMumClub

  24. Its such a tough desicion but I think you know when you know, I do have two but I look at family with three and think could I just have one more, but I equally know for my own mental health and wellbeing that I have the balance right as it is, why put that extra tree on ourselves. Find others with babies, have a cuddle then hand them back xx #coolmumclub

  25. Ah yes, I am totally with you. I have one son and cannot imagine that I will never have another. I am a 37 year old single mum – the odds of me having another child are very slim. I am okay with this – I know it is for the best. Cygnet is nearly 4 now. But as you say, there is always a part of us that yearns for another child. Whenever I see a baby I get a little broody…but then I think of the sleepness nights and the breastfeeding traumas and the nappies and the worry and the sleep deprivation (did I say that already? – yes) and then I remember why I’ve decided that one is definitely enough. Pen x #coolmumclub

  26. I have been struggling with this because I have two boys who I adore (of course!) but I always wanted a girl. I yearn for a girl. But my youngest is 4 now and I’m 38 and there are just SO many reasons why not to do it. But it doesn’t mean a part of me still longs for one more.

  27. I’m struggling emotionally on this topic at 43 years old and it’s probably to late to have another now.
    I have a 5 year old daughter and I have always wanted to give her a sibling. I’ve been trying to convince my husband to try for a second since my daughter was 2 years old and he’s been happy with just the 3 of us. I feel like a failure of a mother to my daughter that she’s on her own with no siblings. We are not close with other family kids and my sister has none. I honestly cry everyday about it and the grief is something I don’t think I’ll ever get over.
    I just hope she will be ok when she gets older. I think about the future and have a lot of anxiety that she will be on her own. It’s a huge responsibility to be an only child with older parents.

    • Hi Elizabeth, I completely understand where you are coming from. I used to worry so much about my daughter, she used to ask a lot for a sibling especially when she was 5. Fast forward to 7 years old and she is happy as larry. I do worry about her having a small safety net and support network when she is older as we already have such a small family so I try to just nurture her school friendships as much as possible as we are also in a similar boat. Remember, there are so many other children who will be in the same boat as people are having children later and having only one child and that you have done the absolute best you can x

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