This is a guest post
You could say I did not immediately take to Motherhood like a ‘Duck to Water’! Aside from a terrible pregnancy and disastrous birth, I felt trapped, resentful and I wanted to do a swift U-turn back to my old life! I missed being a care free 28-year-old woman, working towards a great career, enjoying 3 to 4 luxury holidays a year with my partner and my biggest worry being what I would be wearing out on Saturday night! I would scour the internet and social media looking at other New Mothers seemingly loving each and every aspect of being a new Mummy and I would think ‘what the hell is wrong with me?? Are these people lying or am I just the most non-maternal being in the Universe?’ Despite this, one thing I was sure of was that I loved my son an unquantifiable amount…..I just did not love the restrictions of being a parent. I would often sit and cry myself a river wondering if I would ever feel like ‘me’ again. Wondering if I would ever be able to make a spontaneous decision again without planning for 3 weeks prior and packing up mega volumes of baby equipment to go anywhere or do anything.
One day when my son was about 3 months old I looked in the mirror and saw a chubby, unhealthy, toxic minded person looking back at me. I had become a ‘Negative Ninny’, I had become the exact person I did not like to associate myself with. In that very moment I realised that if I wanted to change my life I needed to change my mindset. My son deserved for me to be the best ‘me’ I could be, and I was going to give that to him by hook or by crook. I made many changes over the next few months however the 4 central changes I made starting from that day changed my life forever. Without a doubt the biggest achievement I have made is being able to truly say, ‘I am the best Mother to my Son that I could possibly be’, and truly mean it. In addition to this I dropped 4 stone, 4 friends, and can finally say I am happy. Let me share my main 4 changes with you,
My relationship with food has gone full circle. Without a shadow of a doubt, I attribute my weight loss in large part to making effective changes to my diet. For instance, I now have breakfast every single day, in fact breakfast is my FAVORITE meal of the day. It is such an inherent part of mine and my son’s routine and the day I decided to embrace breakfast time was the day I started to feel energised and the weight began to drop. I realised that my relationship with food previously had been incredibly unhealthy.
I started to view food as the fuel my body and mind needed to be energised, clear-headed and for the first time in my life the phrase ‘you are what you eat’ resonated with me. I cut dairy from my diet and did some major homework on super foods and how to incorporate them into a balanced diet. I applied these principles to my son’s food when I began weaning him and suddenly I was batch cooking the most beautiful, tasty, nutrient packed baby purees and absolutely loving every minute of doing so. Feeding my little boy has become one of the most treasured pleasures of my life, and the same goes for how I now feed myself.
I knew I had to change my mindset. I had always been a positive and enthusiastic person and somehow motherhood had shrouded this. I found that by changing my diet my mindset changed concurrently. I felt that positive, life loving old me sneak back in. Having said that I recognised that I had relationships with ‘friends’ that were toxic and frankly these people had to go. The old saying is true, you really are as good as the company you keep and finally I was able to differentiate between relationships that were uplifting and value adding…and those that were simply a drain. Cutting out the negative energies in my life had an immediate impact on my mind and I was one step closer to my best life.
I carried out a full audit on all products I used on my and my baby’s skin. I became mindful of ingredients and WOW, next time you pick up that shower cream take a quick glance at that ingredient list. If I was making positive moves regarding what I put into my and my sons body, why the heck would I not take a serious look at what we were putting on it (60% of which is absorbed). I started using plant-based products on us both, of which I understood every single element. My son has the most beautiful porcelain skin and for the firs time in my adult life my skin feels as though it glows. Day to day I do not even wear makeup anymore!
I always knew I would never be satisfied being a stay at home mum, I’m ambitious and I want to build a fabulous career and become a role model for my Son! That said the thought of leaving him full time did not really appeal to me either. For me the issue was being able to work and still maintain a hands-on relationship with my little boy, I knew there must be a solution out there and If I wanted to find it I had to dig deep. I came across a position within my remit that offered remote working as well as 2 days in the office. I knew that I had to secure this job as it offered incredible work life balance. I put my all into the interview process and guess what…I was successful.
My husband and I made the decision to hire an au pair. Despite being half the cost of traditional childcare, it would mean that for the right person they could live with us, learn about our way of life, develop a real bond with my little boy and those days I was at home I could still provide the basic care myself. And that is exactly what we have done! She is fantastic and has become a part of our family. My son has a very healthy bond with her and I am comfortable with my decision. Those 2 days I leave them home to work in the office, I feel completely content in doing so.
Finally, I am the happiest, healthiest Mum I can be and I simply LOVE being a Mother. Instead of perceiving Motherhood as some what of a restriction I now see things completely differently. Becoming a Mother forced me to make some of the most positive changes to my life that I doubt I would have otherwise made. It also provided me with skills which are simply so beneficial to me in my professional and personal life. I am an acute decision maker, impeccable organiser, relentless multitasker and I no longer spend my life trying to live the way I believe other people want me to live.
The confidence I have gained through becoming and being the best Mum I can be has given me self confidence in every aspect of my life. As a lady in the world of HR, I will always fight for employers to change their mindsets when it comes to hiring Mothers. Our skills make us practically Super Human and well, if you do not feel Super Human start taking steps in the right direction, you CAN get there!
You can read more from Kimberley Baxter ‘Not Just a Regular Mom’ Blog at MotherAvacado and follow her on Instagram.
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