How to navigate the overturning of Roe vs Wade as parents

overturning of Roe vs Wade
  • Save

The reversal of Roe vs Wade in America regarding the right to have an abortion has been for many of us, completely mind-bending. I – like many others – have looked on in total disbelief at the latest developments, which I am sure is going to have plenty of negative repercussions including the creation of more inequality for children and child poverty, especially as a result of the fact that women being denied abortion procedures are more likely to live below the poverty line.

But it goes beyond that. The U.S. Supreme Court is a complex issue that will undoubtedly shape the way we speak to our children about their bodies, sexuality, and a host of other topics.

It’s also made me realise that the right to termination is not being as bullet-proof as we might think in the UK. The Sunday Times recently reported that Nadine Dorries, the culture secretary reiterated her desire for the upper limit for legal abortions to be cut from 24 to 20 weeks (20 weeks as many of you know is then pregnant women have an important scan to pick up abnormalities – doesn’t give you much time to think or act!). Meanwhile Jeremy Hunt, the former health secretary has called for the limit to be halved to 12 weeks.

So with all of this in the mix, I thought it was important that we talked about this over on Motherhood: The Real Deal. As you know, I like to talk about difficult subjects, and there is probably no other subject more difficult than this.

In this article, we asked Parenting Expert, Author & Mentor Cathy Domoney, and founder of Parenting Evolution to help us figure out how to deal with our own emotions around the topic, and understand how to have age-appropriate discussions with our children and adolescents around such a huge – and quite frankly – an alarmingly huge change.

How can we deal with our own emotions/anger first as parents?

Abortion is a complex and highly emotional topic with strong opinions from all factions of society. It’s so important as parents that we neutrally present both sides to our children with compassion, empathy, love and understanding. Who knows what our children will go through in their lifetimes.

We want to create an environment and culture where they feel that they can come to us with anything and not feel the need to hide the very things that they would desperately need our love and support for. The way that we present information like this are the foundational blocks upon which we build our future relationship with our children as they grow up and away from us and determine whether they can truly talk to us about anything, or not. 

How can we talk to our children about overturning of Roe vs Wade

This is very much dependent on the age, maturity, and character of each individual child. It’s important to meet them where they are and not overwhelm them with aspects that they are not ready for. This is very much dependent on the parent’s intuition.

For example, when I was pregnant with my fourth child my four-year-old son asked me how the baby got into my tummy. I said that Daddy had seeds and Mummy had eggs and the seed went into the egg and made a baby. He then asked how the seed got from Daddy into Mummy to which I replied ‘Daddy has special equipment.’ He was happy with that answer and that was enough for him at that stage in his life.  This approach can be applied to any topic, no matter how uncomfortable or tricky. It’s important to present the age-appropriate facts as neutrally as possible emphasizing that different choices are appropriate for different people.

My children have asked me about abortion and I’ve answered honestly and as sensitively as I could. I’ve explained that I have struggled with the issue of abortion over the years, because it’s not an issue to be taken lightly. I’ve also explained that despite my personal struggles with it, that I have supported several close friends through it. Why? Because it was right for them and that it’s always important to remember that if faced with the exact circumstances as that person, I am capable of making that exact same choice as them. It’s not my job to sit in judgment of anyone.

I’ve also explained that as hard as I struggle with it, my circumstances have drastically changed as I’ve grown older. If I now fell pregnant despite the precautions I’ve taken to take that baby to term, I would most likely die due to the medical complications I had with my fifth baby and so I would have to make a choice to abort, as excruciating as that would be. This is not a black and white issue. 

How should we respond to our children’s reactions?

Stay calm. Stay open. Stay compassionate and loving. Explain that every person (including themselves) gets to choose what’s right for them and their life and that they need to honor themselves first, always.In the same energy, we need to respect another person’s right to choose what is right for them, whether we understand it or agree with it or not. You could give them a relatable age appropriate example such as: You’ve decided that you don’t like to eat spicy food. Do you think that Henry next door should take that choice away from you and force you to eat it, or do you think that decision should be yours to make? A simplistic example but it highlights the point. 

How and when to start the conversation about the Roe vs Wade overturning?

Let your child lead this conversation. They may have seen news headlines, overheard conversations or have discussed it with their friends. Who knows what sort of passionate opinions they’ve been subjected to. As you enter into the conversation, note that they will be observing every aspect of your response and will take their lead from you so be mindful of how you show up. If they are ever faced with this complex choice they know that they can come to you and be seen, heard, valued, understood and safe from judgment. 

I hope the above helps you with the difficult emotions and conversations as they come up. Having had this conversation already with my own daughter, my own personal advice would be – as always – to trust your parenting instincts and intuition if the subject comes up when they are around, which it inevitably will at some stage, if not already.

Cathy Domoney is an award-winning children’s author, counselor, mentor, educator, hypnotherapist and family empowerment expert and founder of Parenting Evolution —an exclusive online network for modern parents who are committed to raising the next generation of world-changing leaders. She recently launched The Pillars of Leadership Blueprint – a remarkable system enabling parents to tap into their own genius so they can empower their child’s greatness.

To learn more about Cathy, please visit https://parentingevolution.com/the-pillars-of-leadership-blueprint.com or connect with her on social media here: FB IG LI TW

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.