You know the scene – the knowing looks and exchanged *sighs* between mums who are juggling work and family. Yes, we zoom through life at a billion miles an hour, moasting (that’s moaning and boasting) about the harsh reality of trying to have it all. And in most cases, the sentiment that prevails is the struggle.
Yes we juggle and struggle, but we mainly struggle. But what if we flipped things on its head and made things more about the juggle and not the struggle? Today I have a Q&A with hypnotherapist Regina Brancato-Dunderdale on juggling work and family and how to focus more on the juggle, and less on the struggle. Read on for her advice on changing your mindset for juggling work and family.
For many mums, the struggle is real. But should we be focusing on the struggle, or the juggle?
You should always focus on the positive that is juggle. When you think about the juggle or how to juggle the key is balance. All you need to do is to find your balance.
Finding your balance means being able to have both a family and a career. Also balance is unique to each person because we are unique individuals, so focus on your own balance and nobody else’s version!
What happens when we focus more on the struggle, not the juggle?
First of all let me briefly explain how our brains work. Our brain was design to adapt and learn. In other words we’ve been programming our brain from the moment we were born.
If you focus on the negative you are programming your brain to give you the negative, because the brain does not know the difference between negative and positive – but you do. So you have a choice:
Struggled or juggle.
Juggle being positive – that’s what you are programming your brain to give you. In other words if juggle means balance and you focus on juggle, your are programming your brain to give you balance.
So is this about getting organised?
It is about getting organised, it’s about getting help when you need it and it’s about delegating. We can do anything we want but we can’t do everything by ourselves. And that applies to all areas of our lives.
And where does mum guilt come into juggling work and family?
Like every emotion guilt comes from within. Changing your perspective helps. For example instead of guilt think about what you’re teaching your children when you go to work:
Work ethics, discipline, responsibility, satisfaction and pride in your achievements. In my opinion these are important values for anyone to learn. Besides you are teaching them by example; you are teaching them through your behaviour. You don’t need to tell them anything – they can see how you behave.
When you change your perspective towards your career guilt disappears.
Can you share some practical tools or exercises to use to help mums in their daily juggle?
Think about what you show your children when you are at home: perhaps discipline, respect, boundaries and certainly patience, fun and then incorporate all that to work.
When you are at work think about your values, perhaps ethics, responsibility, sharing, satisfaction, pride and teach them by example to your children.
That to me is the juggle of values and when you think about values there’s no room fore negative emotions or limiting beliefs.
And what can mums do when the juggle just all feels like too much?
When it all gets too much, make time to relax. Do whatever relaxes you for as long or little as you can. Relax you body and relax your mind. Make sure you have no tension in your body and no focus in your mind.
Allow your body to relax and allow your thoughts to come in and out of your awareness, just like the waves in the see coming in the beach and out, no focus.
And you can do that for one minute or more.
If you had to give a pep talk to my readers about how they can overcome struggle it would be…
You don’t need to be Wonder Woman to be good at motherhood and a career. You need to be yourself.; a human being with all your strength and vulnerability. You also need to have the courage to show your strength and vulnerability.
Anything else you’d like to add?
One last thing. I’d like you to consider a theory developed by Carl Jung: Perception is Projection.
How we see ourselves is what we project onto others and vice versa. Pay attention to what others are projecting onto you, perhaps their choices, their insecurities, their lack of confidence and limiting beliefs. Pay attention that it is theirs not yours.
Do you struggle with juggling work and family? What are your thoughts on Regina’s advice above? Do leave a comment below and share.
About Regina Brancato-Dunderdale
Regina became a hypnotherapist to help women who are so overwhelmed by anxiety, insecurity, lack of confidence, fear and guilt that they feel stuck, they cannot take action and therefore cannot achieve their goals, realise their true potential and life the life they choose. For more information on her services visit her website here.
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