Raising calm children: Helping them not inherit our stressy sensations

We all want the best for our children, and when we put the pressure on ourselves to mold our children into the best version of themselves they can possibly be, we might inadvertently ply them with a lot of stress. Dealing with stress as a crucial skill for every single one of us. And when we’re trying to raise a child with skills to deal with life, stress management is one of the most, if not the most vital. Want to learn how to raise calm children? Read on for our tips:

Lead By Example

We are the foremost influence in their lives, and when they are stressed, and struggle to manage their emotions, the key factor in all of this is us! Stressed children tend to have stressed parents, and we have to remember they will pick up on these anxieties. So if we want to raise calm children, then we’ve got to be the same.

We have to remember that it’s not just about finding cosy things to do at home, but it’s about providing a relaxed environment for ourselves as well. This means that we need to practice specific methods to ensure that we are calmer. There are little things that we can do. When we are struggling with an aspect of life ourselves, we have to have some sort of perspective. The little struggles don’t have to be so important, and if we do stress out about every little thing, it’s hardly surprising that our children will as well. You can start by focusing on the positive, however little it may be and gradually build up.

Let Your Child Be A Child

There can be a lot of focus on treating them as an adult in order to make them calmer. But this can cause undue pressure. We all have an inability to control our emotions. And if we start to treat them like adults that have rationality, they could develop anxiety complexes. When our children act out, we have to look at it from the perspective of if they want something or if there is something we’re not giving them.

There are some experts that state that we need to stop over analysing our children’s motives, and just see that their bad behaviours are attempts at fulfilling things they need that are innocent in the grand scheme of things. That’s not to say that you should let your child run riot, but provide a structure.

Give Them Responsibility

One of the best ways to encourage a calm child is to let them learn how to do things for themselves rather than us do it for them. Learning responsibility, however little the task is, gives them a sense of confidence in themselves. Encouraging them to tie their shoe or setting the alarm clock are all things that, over time, they can do permanently for themselves.

Being self-sufficient means they are confident, which means they are more relaxed in who they are. It’s so easy for us as parents to do everything for them because it will be quicker. But if we give them the opportunity to learn how to do things for themselves, they will not feel the stress. And if we are people who feel stressed when they try to do something for themselves and we rush over to hijack the task, this doesn’t achieve anything. 

Teaching Techniques

This is something that many schools are now taking on board. Approaches like mindfulness and meditation are crucial skills that our children need for the modern world. Even we can see that the world has become more stressful over the last 10 years, and we’ve got to think that if we don’t feel prepared for it, how will our children feel? You have to learn techniques, but by doing these techniques with our children, they can start to manage the symptoms of stress and anxiety.

When you start to recognise that they are stressed, look at the best approaches that your child will take on board. It could very well be something like child yoga, or it may just be about letting them run around and playing more, or just relaxing the way they want. Whatever it is, stress-busting techniques are invaluable.

Encouraging our children to be calmer is an invaluable skill. But if we don’t have the knowledge, then perhaps we should take this as a sign that we need to learn how to relax. To raise calm children, we have to remember that we need to be the same. Our children are cut from the same cloth as us, and if we don’t want them to inherit our stressy sensations, then we need to begin. 



  1. I love this post. It’s so important to try and pass on skills of stress management and the ability to be calm to our children. The idea of leading by example and modelling calm behaviour for our children is so important too. My son suffers a lot with anxiety and often the best way to help him is for the adults around him (parents and teachers etc) to simply model calm behaviour and responses. That alone reduces his anxiety and teaches him so much about coping strategies and how to live a good life.

    • Thanks so much for your reply Clare. I have really had to overcome my anxious tendencies to try and model calmness too – it’s been quite a challenge!

      • I know it most definitely is a challenge. Even though I have said “simply” model calm behaviour in my comment (a bad choice of words really) . It is not simple at Al!! It definitely is a challenge to put it into practice.

  2. this is food for thought , i always tried and made sure my girl when she was little enjoyed her childhood and be a child she meant to be kind regards Pati robins

  3. What a great post, lots of food for thought. I think sometimes we expect too much from our kids. It’s about finding the balance between talking things through with them and giving them the right techniques, but still letting them be kids.

  4. Thank you so much for all your comments. Hopefully this will help us all find a bit more balance in our daily lives as parents.

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