Motherhood is a journey marked by profound joy and love, but is also one that often carries a heavy burden of societal expectations. The societal expectations of mothers are deeply ingrained and can be sources of both comfort and conflict, something I am sure every single mother out there has felt at one time or another. To be a mother, is to be faced with this. In a world where we have been told we can have it all – the career, the relationship, the children, I have come to question the societal expecations of mothers time and time again as the pressure that comes with all of this seems to be constantly intensfying.
In this article, we delve into the societal expectations of mothers, exploring insights from BACP registered counsellor Georgina Sturmer. Get ready to dive into our views on motherhood, the impact of external pressures, the role of guilt, and strategies to navigate societal expectations while maintaining a sense of identity.
Understanding Our Views on Motherhood
Our perceptions of motherhood are shaped by our unique experiences growing up and the messages we absorb from those around us. It can be hard to break patterns and cycles. It is important to explore where our beliefs come from when we question or feel conflicted about motherhood. By recognizing the origins of our views, we can better understand and potentially reshape our expectations.
External Pressures and Unfulfilled Dreams
While some are fortunate to live out their envisioned roles as mothers, many face external pressures that compel them into different paths (hands up who is nodding at this!?). Financial and logistical constraints may force individuals into roles they hadn’t imagined. It’s crucial to accept that not everyone gets to choose their ideal path in motherhood and to find peace in adapting to unforeseen circumstances.
Distinguishing Reality from Fantasy
Remember when you started out with an idealistic view of motherhood? Me too! Sturmer encourages mothers to question whether their image of motherhood is based on fact or fiction. Societal expectations of mothers are often influenced by fairytale assumptions rather than the unvarnished truth. Breaking down these myths and openly discussing the reality of motherhood can lead to a more supportive and empathetic community.
Dealing with Judgment
Exploring our feelings about motherhood requires tuning into the questions we’re asking ourselves. Are we responding to the judgment of others, real or perceived? Try visualizing turning down the volume on external judgments and self-criticism, fostering a healthier mindset in the face of societal expectations.
Guilt: A Common Thread
Guilt, a pervasive emotion for many mothers, stems from feelings of inadequacy or falling short of societal standards. I have battled with this countless times over, as I am sure many of you will have done too. Whether it’s not spending enough time with children or struggling with the challenges of motherhood, acknowledging and addressing this guilt is crucial. The need to recognize that perfection is an unattainable standard is paramount.
The Shift in Identity
Motherhood brings a significant shift in identity for all women, accompanied by a sense of loss for the person they were before becoming mothers. The challenges of navigating a new realm of caring for a baby, coupled with a lack of structure and recognition, contribute to this sense of loss. Understanding and processing these changes is essential for emotional well-being.
Entering motherhood often stirs up unresolved feelings related to our relationships with our own mothers. Acknowledging and making sense of these emotions is a crucial step toward moving forward. By addressing these issues, mothers can develop a clearer understanding of their own approach to motherhood.
Coping Strategies for Societal Pressures
Here Georgina shares her coping strategies for dealing with the societal pressures of motherhood:
Honest Communication
Sharing one’s feelings about the pressures of motherhood is essential. Being honest about the challenges and seeking support not only helps mothers ask for the assistance they need but also fosters an environment where others feel comfortable sharing their stories.
Building a Support Network
Proactively cultivating a network of supportive friends provides a crucial safety net when the going gets tough. Sharing experiences and advice within this network creates a sense of camaraderie and understanding.
Identifying Triggers
Recognizing the people, places, events, or online content that exacerbate feelings of inadequacy is crucial. While it might be challenging to avoid these triggers completely, setting boundaries can help individuals navigate societal expectations more effectively.
Beyond Societal Expectations: Rediscovering Identity
When we feel like we’ve lost our old selves and trying to piece together our new selves, how can we go about rediscovering our identity? Follow Georgina’s tips here:
Maintaining Individuality
Motherhood should not relegate women to the role of ‘plus one.’ Despite the stresses, finding time for oneself and nurturing a sense of personal identity is crucial. This can involve pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or engaging in activities that bring joy.
Crafting Your Own Narrative
Fear of becoming like one’s own mother or not living up to certain expectations can be paralyzing. Sturmer encourages mothers to recognize their agency in shaping their narrative. Every woman has the power to define the type of mother she wants to be, breaking free from preconceived notions.
Final Thoughts on Societal Expectations of Mothers
Societal expectations of mothers are multifaceted, often intertwining with personal experiences, external pressures, and the ever-present judgments from others. It can be a confusing time but by delving into these insights and exploring strategies for navigating these expectations, there is an empowerment and a renewed sense of self. It’s time to foster open conversations, build supportive networks, and embrace the reality of motherhood beyond societal myths, fostering a community where diverse experiences are validated and celebrated.
