It is a wonder that parents, being the exhausted, time-frazzled, uptight, rather un-sensual, snot-stained parenthood beings we become EVER have sex. But miraculously, we DO manage to do it…ok even if it is once a month. Or less. But actually, when you analyse it, you do realise that your odds of having sex in parenthood are actually a little bit more perky than you originally thought, with 10 different reasons or opportunities for having a bit of parenthood nook. Let me break them down for you here:
1. The naptime quickie
You’ve just put them down for a nap, you should be doing a bajillion other things, but your nether regions are twitching. You wonder if you’ll get away with it, will they wake up before you’ve finished the deed?…this is YOLO (you only live once) at its finest as a parent.
2. The pure desperation any time will do nooky
You feel like two born again virgins..it’s been an age, something has got to give before you join a nunnery. There is no other way forward at this moment.
3. The let’s put dinner on hold frisson
Come on, wait until after dinner? When you’re going to feel as bloated as a beached whale and about as sexy as one too? Seriously, there are times when food can wait, and this is one of them.
4. The quick! they haven’t woken up yet bumble
Bloody hell, it’s 6.30am and they have not woken up insanely early for once! Do we dare? Do we dare? Will we finish? Anything is better than nothing though…right?
5. The should we? we’re staying with the grandparents secret session
Sorry if the olds are reading this but you know, that’s how we came into this world, as did our kids.
6. The it’s a date night hook up
It’s date night, the pressure is on. This could be your only chance. MAKE. IT. HAPPEN.
7. The it was just supposed to be a cuddle fadoodle
You utter the words “I’m so tired, can we just have a little lie down and cuddle?”, next thing you know, your bodies are doing the talking and you’re urm….not so tired anymore.
8. The middle of the night fornication
Do any parents ever do this, like, ever?
9. The holiday home run
You’re on holiday, the warm air and free n’ easy vibe prevailing (ok, as good as it’s going to get for a parent), and seeing as it’s as close to any form of holiday romancing you’re going to get these days, it would be rude not to.
10. The we need to make another baby copulation
Sexy as, don’t forget to do the crab afterwards!
Looks like things on the sex stakes are not as dismal as we thought…Or are they? Speak now or forever hold your peace…
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