Childbirth – you’ll never be prepared

I’ll start by saying that unless you are going to be one of the lucky few whose baby popped out in a water birth after a mere few hours, you better prepare yourself for what’s to come.

No matter how much you practice breathing, geeing yourself up or perhaps brainwashing yourself that it can’t be that bad, the reality is going to come and bite you on the ass when D-Day comes.

There is a big reason why some people have a fear of giving birth and why therefore so many of us choose to simply gloss over the whole affair. I have even managed to tone down the whole saga in my head and convince myself that I wouldn’t mind doing it all again. Ha!

Here are three words to remember: Childbirth is insane.

Whatever pain you think you’re going to experience, get the multiplier dial and crank it up to the highest level and then just maybe you’ll be there. If you’ve already been there and managed to do any of the following then let me salute you as one of the lucky few: delivered naturally; the way you had planned; in a speedy fashion; without any pain relief; or without any war wounds.

I was absolutely convinced that I was going to smoothly “surge” my hypnobirth baby-to-be out into the water and catch her with my own hands. Oh no – instead I hauled myself out of the pool, and threw myself on the floor screaming every obscenity I could muster, much like a possessed banshee. Of course as soon as my little one was is my arms, the banshee retreated back to her cave.

Oops but I’m not allowed to say that in public am I? I find myself massively playing down the childbirth to those expecting mums, and it’s only amongst others who have done their time that the truth will out. But are we really dong the former a favour by keeping schtum? Or maybe nobody would ever procreate if they knew all the gory details..in which case have I just killed off the human race?

6 comments

  1. Haha yes I got the shock of my life when I found myself unable to cope during the beginning of my contractions. I couldn’t believe it could get worse! I don’t think being induced helped. The problem is, you could give a new mum-to-be all the gory details but I’m not sure it’d make a lot of difference as I don’t believe ANYTHING could have prepared me for the trauma!

  2. Very very true! Ok I know I was what you may term as lucky and it all went well in terms of no complications or problems, and that’s fab. The outcome is the most Important part. It was a natural birth and no pain relief (just a Bit of gas and air)but that doesn’t mean it didn’t bloody hurt and I’m still the worlds biggest wimp! Still a hard two hours of pushing at least! The entire thing is exhausting! Chew on gas and air nozzle- that really helps! And I think I literally went into myself until the whole thing was over. I mooed like a cow; a noise I’m not sure I knew how to make. One word for childbirth and labour- INTENSE. Never expect anything. And don’t bother planning. Birth pool? I couldn’t even get off the bed to get into it It’s never what you think it will be like. Great post! BBTG -X-
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