I’ll start by saying that unless you are going to be one of the lucky few whose baby popped out in a water birth after a mere few hours, you better prepare yourself for what’s to come.
No matter how much you practice breathing, geeing yourself up or perhaps brainwashing yourself that it can’t be that bad, the reality is going to come and bite you on the ass when D-Day comes.
There is a big reason why some people have a fear of giving birth
and why therefore so many of us choose to simply gloss over the whole affair. I have even managed to tone down the whole saga in my head and convince myself that I wouldn’t mind doing it all again. Ha!
Here are three words to remember: Childbirth is insane
Whatever pain you think you’re going to experience, get the multiplier dial and crank it up to the highest level and then just maybe you’ll be there. If you’ve already been there and managed to do any of the following then let me salute you as one of the lucky few: delivered naturally; the way you had planned; in a speedy fashion; without any pain relief; or without any war wounds.
I was absolutely convinced that I was going to smoothly “surge” my hypnobirth baby-to-be out into the water and catch her with my own hands. Oh no – instead I hauled myself out of the pool, and threw myself on the floor screaming every obscenity I could muster, much like a possessed banshee. Of course as soon as my little one was is my arms, the banshee retreated back to her cave.
Oops but I’m not allowed to say that in public am I?
I find myself massively playing down the childbirth
to those expecting mums, and it’s only amongst others who have done their time that the truth will out. But are we really dong the former a favour by keeping schtum? Or maybe nobody would ever procreate if they knew all the gory details..in which case have I just killed off the human race? Probably will do if I then highlight that the grand scheme of things, the truth about becoming a parent is that relatively speaking, childbirth is the easy bit – gah!