An A-Z of what no one tells you about giving birth

giving birth

You’ve spent the last nine months preparing for this moment…you’ve got your birthplace locked down, you’ve been practicing your breathing and now it’s time to bring your baby in this world. HOLD THE PHONE!!!! The only problem is that giving birth is basically nothing like what we’ve been led to believe by the movies…and there are…um… a few surprises along the way! Well, it’s time to put an end to the fantasy and fallacy of childbirth as today we’re laying down the truth….all the things no one tells you about giving birth:

A for after shock

You might be in shock afterwards. It didn’t happen with my first but with my daughter immediately after she was born my body just went berserk and I could not move or speak. It was really scary but it was probably the combination of a quick labour and a big baby and no pain relief. – Mummy and Moose 

and aggression

That you’ll want to punch your partner in the face. But that passes because you get to see the miracle you carried in your body. – Fijian In The UK

B for bowels

You will probably wee & poo everywhere – and not even care! – Twinderelmo

and bleeding

That you bleed for ages afterward, like the last 9 months of missed periods are taking their revenge. – The Incidental Parent 

C for cut short

When you have a c-section your body may feel like you didn’t complete your journey and it can feel really very strange but no one wants to talk to you about it. – Baby Budgeting  

D for dignity

You will literally lose all dignity and care and that actual childbirth is nothing like Rachel’s experience from Friends. – Living With a Jude 

E for exposed

That all sorts of people will just walk in the room and put their hand up (ahem) there but with all the pain you don’t care one bit!  – Emma Reed 

F for fruity

Giving birth is like trying to poo a pineapple… That is it…! – Le Coin De Mel 

G for Gas n Air gaga

Things said under the influence of gas n air may well haunt you for life! – Sparkly Mummy

H for how much?

You will more than likely be disappointed with how dilated you are when the midwife first checks. 2cm?! Coulda sworn the baby was about to drop out! –

I for instincts

You have to go with the flow as there is no controlling mother nature but if something doesn’t feel right then you make your voice heard as those parent instincts are instant! – Mummy In A Tutu

J for John Wayne

John Wayne will have nothing on you. You’ll walk like a cowboy – for weeks! – Mummy Alarm 

K for kept in a bubble

It’s possible for your waters not to break, and that your baby could be born in a bubble! – Helpful Mum 

An A-Z of what no one tells you about giving birth

L for lost babies

That even in stillbirth there is a glimpse of joy meeting the baby you’ve grown for over 7 months and two whole weeks. – Lorraine Mulrooney 

M for milk (of the projectile kind)

You may find when your milk comes in you will shoot milk across the room! After my emergency c-section my milk came in so fast it went everywhere. I had to throw 20oz of milk away after pumping because they ran out of storage space. – Relentlessly Purple 

N for naked

You might want to take all your clothes off. So much for the nightie! – Mumzilla  

O for OMG my waters broke!

When your waters break they can keep going and going and going and going! I thought I would be one pop and a gush then done. I felt like Niagara Falls! – Ready Freddie Go 

P for placenta-blurgh!

You have to deliver the placenta and then the midwives will show it to you in a dish, I couldn’t believe how big it was. I had focused on giving birth to my baby and hadn’t factored this bit in and no one had mentioned it. I felt silly afterward because obviously, it had to come out too. – 3 Little Ladies and Me  

and “perfect” birth

No matter how much you plan your ‘perfect birth experience’, ultimately your baby will decide how they want to come out! Don’t be disappointed if your birth plan doesn’t work out though as the main thing is your baby is delivered safely and that’s all that really matters. – More Than Blush  

Q for quick finger

Your doctor might pop their finger in your backside just after you’ve given birth, without saying, to check for any tears! – Love Maisie

R for raging contractions

I always thought that actually delivering the baby would be the worst part but compared to the phenomenal intensity of the contractions (whatever you think they will be – multiple them by 1000!!!!), the crowning of the head and passing the baby out of your lady bits felt like a walk in the park! – Motherhood: The Real Deal 

S for sound effects

That you would growl like a grizzly bear!! – Lamb and Bear  

T for trapped wind

That the trapped wind after a C Section is more horrific than the actual major surgery and will make you feel like you’re dying. – Rock and Roll Pussy Cat  

U for unused

Despite spending months lovingly packing a hospital bag, with everything from breast pads to husband snacks and blooming card games for ‘all that downtime I would have’ you might have such a fast labour you don’t even open your bag. I gave birth in my maxi dress, hitched up to my waist and ate the lovingly packed Werther’s Original on the way home in the car! – Porridge and Parenting 

V for vulnerable

That you might never feel simultaneously as vulnerable and yet powerful in your entire life. – Budding Smiles 

W for who are you?

You might not recognise your baby. Sounds odd, but I was so sure I was going to “know” my baby from the minute I saw him, after carrying him for nearly ten months. He arrived and I just kept staring at him, trying to marry the idea that I had of what he’d look like, to the reality of my little one in my arms. – Keeping up With The Jones Family 

X for excretion

Your first poo will be so massively important to you, and everyone else that is looking after you on the ward!  – Kiddy Charts 

Y for you hero!

You are going to feel like a bloody hero afterward. There’s nothing in this world more empowering than delivering a baby and it makes you respect all mothers and how incredible we are. No matter what type of birth experience you have, we are all heroes. – Georgina Clarke Blog

Z for zipping things back up

Getting stitches is more painful than the labour. I was a total badass during labour but screamed like a banshee when they sewed me up. – And Another Ten Things

Wow….probably the most honest post written about giving birth ever! Now please go and share this with the world so they know what childbirth can really be like…not the ridiculous Hollywood version we have been led to believe!

Do you have something you’d like to add to the list above from your experience of childbirth? Do share in a comment below.

















  1. One more, lol. As the luck recipient of two c-sections, I was so worried about the actual surgery that NO ONE warned me about the spinal block injection. That needle was huge and hurt like hell, both times! I love this post, so super helpful.


  2. This is fab. It brought everything back – pooing a pineapple has to be my favourite! I must remember that one for the next time someone asks me! 🙂 #coolmumclub

  3. Ha ha – brilliant…I don’t know if I’d tell every preggo first time to Mum to read or avoid this post!! Utterly spot in…
    Sending #coolmumclub love to every one of these heroes – and of course to you lovely x

  4. N for night sweats and S for Still Fat! Never forget my Mum telling me the day I gave birth that she’d never seen someone still look so pregnant after having a baby!! Cheers Mum! #coolmumclub

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