*This is a guest post
Have you ever found yourself pondering about life since becoming a mum?
What the outcome would be if you had chosen to take a different direction?
How you regret not listening to your mother when you were a teenager.
Don’t worry you are not alone.
You’re not the only mother who is doing a bit more thinking than normal.
Since becoming a mum, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection because (1) I have plenty of time to think (thanks to breastfeeding) (2) I have a tendency to constructively evaluate everything in life.
In this article, I’d like to share with you my reflections on the five ways motherhood changed my life for the better but before I do so, one thing I want to point out is: having a pity party is not self-reflection.
I was never a patient person and now I don’t consider myself one either. But, since becoming a mother I’ve learnt to be more patient each day. I guess it’s the unconditional love I have for my baby that enable me to grow into a much more patient person than I was yesterday.
I am a perfectionist so I have high standard or expectation for almost everything in life and for everyone (including myself). Since becoming a mother, I learnt that I don’t have to be perfect as long as I have try my best. Lowering my standard allows me to stress less and focus on what matter in my life right now: enjoying my baby. I now don’t preoccupy my mind with b***s*** any longer and I don’t stress too much about keeping my room sparkling clean and tidy.
Much more relaxed
The reason why I developed an unhealthy level of perfectionism (click here to check the difference between healthy and neurotic perfectionism) is because I am a highly conscientious person (click here to analyse your personality). Being too conscientious means I’d always have too many things on my plate. It’s fine pre-baby but once baby arrives, it creates unnecessary stresses which makes motherhood almost unbearable at one point. I learnt that it is okay to not to subject myself to too many to-do’s and as a side effect, I become a much more relaxed person. I still stress out occasionally, and it is becoming less on unimportant stuffs.
I learnt over the years to be efficient at work (but not effective) but what I realised since becoming a mum and learning how to blog (click here to check out my blog) is being effective (doing the right thing) is much better than being efficient (doing thing the right way). By learning how to be effective, I was able to do the right thing in the small window of baby-free time I have at hand which allows me to spend my time mindfully on my baby.
Since becoming a mum, I now understand why some mums do the things they do. I used to think mums who rock their babies to sleep, give in to their babies’ crying rather than standing their ground like what a mother should do, etc. Being a mother is not easy and it doesn’t help that society is quick to pass their judgement on us mothers (even though it’s really not their business!).
In overall, I’m so grateful for what motherhood has taught me. By having self-reflections, I’ve identified 5 value-add life lessons which has changed my life for the better. I hope you can take this opportunity to try some reflections today and see what benefits it has to offer you.
Hence to finish, I’d like close with this quote from Margaret J. Wheatley:
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
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Author bio: Sok is a wife, first-time mother, new blogger, overly curious person and
a recovering perfectionist. She is launching a blog (thelaland) soon in a bid to help new mothers (and herself as well) learning how to be the mummy they wanted to be.
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