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Kids are faced everyday with problems both big and small. However, they are not born equipped to deal with them. The tools to cope are not innate. Just like social skills or mathematics, coping skills must be learned. That’s why it’s essential for them to develop healthy strategies to deal with any size problem. 

Coping skills are an important life skill. They help kids learn to manage feelings and handle stress. Remember, kids are allowed to have big feelings even over situations that are not big, however it’s their reaction to the problem that matters.

Reacting in an unexpected way can lead to the problem taking longer to solve, create a dangerous situation or even make those around you uncomfortable. But how do you separate the two and how do you teach kids to cope with any kind of problem when there are so many? The six tips below can help you nurture coping skills in your child, and raise them to be resilient and able to deal with any situation big or small.

Identify Feelings

The first step to building coping skills are learning to listen to our bodies. Our bodies give us signs about how we are feeling even if we aren’t aware of it. For instance, you might notice when you are presented with a non-preferred task that you are restless and you need to move around. Or when you have to be around new people you get a sick feeling in your stomach.  These feelings can be a pre-alert to let us know that we are about to have a big reaction to what is going on around us.

Develop Language

Once we learn to recognize the signs we need to be able to identify the feelings behind them. Giving kids the right language helps bring awareness to the problem. For instance, I feel mad when…allows them to express themselves in safe way and starts a conversation that can lead to a solution. This also takes out some of the fear. Being able to label and talk about one’s feelings helps make them more manageable. 

Explore Triggers

While it may feel like kids’ reactions are random, oftentimes there are patterns or triggers. Do you notice your child overreacts more as it’s getting closer to lunchtime? This might mean they need a snack. Or do the behaviours occur when they have to move between activities? When you are both in a calm state have a discussion about times that were tough with your child. By identifying what situations are hard for them you will be able to prepare for them ahead of time.

Use their interests

Without even knowing it your child may have some solutions to cope with their problems.  Using their interests is a great way to help them cope. For instance, if your child likes to draw have them draw a picture of how they are feeling and give it a name.  Or if your child is very active, movement can be a great coping strategy. They could go for a walk or try jumping jacks when presented with a difficult situation to help give them time to process and move on.

Make a Plan

Now that you know how to identify and talk about feelings and situations that can lead to a big reaction, it’s important to make a plan.  Come up with a list of alternatives you can do the next time they face a hard situation. This is where there interests can come into play. 

Have them write, or help them write a list of three things they can do when faced with a difficult situation.  Or you can even create a coping box that has activities and objects they can use ahead of time. 

Some alternative ideas kids can use include yoga or breathing exercises, asking for a break, going for a walk, or having a visual schedule and verbal reminders.  Kids can also write down their frustration and toss it away or use a preferred book or movie as a distraction. Using these tools provides a break and can help give kids time and space to calm down to face the situation.

Model it

Kids are always watching. So, take a look at how you handle situations. If you are always yelling or becoming frustrated, you need to adjust your own actions and model appropriate coping strategies. We all have moments where we forget or handle a situation poorly. However, this is such a great learning moment.

Say for example you lose your patience and raise your voice. After this happens, highlight the situations with your child and point out either what you did right or what you might need to work on. Kids will love seeing they aren’t the only ones with the problem and will enjoy helping you problem solve the situation.

Unfortunately, setbacks and frustrations are a part of life. While we can’t control our feelings, we can learn to control our reactions.  Equipping kids with coping skills at a young age will help them be able to handle any situation at any age and any problem big or small.

Author bio

Kimberly Delude is an ASHA Certified Speech Language Pathologist.  She has worked with children in the public schools for the last six years.  When not helping kids find their voices, she authors the Freddie the Fly book series, published by Boys Town Press. The series can be used at school or home and provides kids with fun tools to address important social skills like size of the problem or reading social cues. 

She was also the recipient of the 2020 Massachusetts Speech Hearing Associations Clinical Achievement Award. Find more tips from Kimberly on Instagram @thespeechvine. Find her books at boystownpress.org and all good book retailers.

Picture credit: Kids photo created by wayhomestudio – www.freepik.com