How to calm your kids down anytime and anywhere

Calm down! Relax! Easier said than done when your child may not know what relaxation or calmness feels like. Here are 10 Time Out Tips to help you calm your kids down (and yourself) anytime, anywhere.

If you spark their imagination you will reach a relaxing destination quickly, so take action and make a distraction, open your mind to vibrant visualisation and enjoy rolling into real relaxation with the power of Positive Touch…..

Calm your kids down: Before you start….

• Positive Touch is about teaching children about good, safe, positive touch.
• The self and peer massage tips I give you are very safe and gentle*
• The massage is done through the children’s clothes.
• We should always ask our child is they are happy to have the massage and get their consent. If your child is very upset, the timing may not feel right to ask, however we should always respect our child as an individual and respect their personal space.
• Make sure you have clean hands and remember to wash your hands afterwards too.
• Make the massage movements slow and gentle.
• In an ideal world ask your child to sit at a table and rest their head and arms on a cushion on the table or resting flat on the floor, head on cushion. If you’re not at home, get them to kneel down and rest their head on your lap, or if they’re small enough, sit on your lap. Mold yourself to the situation that’s best for you both.
• An experience to be shared – children are amazing! Ask them nicely to paint the massage strokes on your back and tell a story too.

Calm your kids down: Let’s begin!

Quietly whisper into their ear, “I’m going to draw something onto your back, and I’d like you to guess what it is. Take your time, close your eyes, here we go.”

Soothing, serene sunshine

Gently place your flat hand onto your child’s shoulder and begin moving your hand round in small circles. Move your hand slowly, imagine you’re drawing a glorious,

Warm sun that is radiating a glowing, soothing heat over your child’s shoulder. Make the circle bigger and bigger until it completely covers their back and then begin making it smaller and smaller and finish by drawing the rays on the sun across their back.

As you do this ask them, “What have I drawn? And how does your back feel?”. Next time try massaging a planet, the moon, the Solar System!

Warm waves and squidgy sand

Quietly whisper into their ear, “Imagine you’re going on a holiday somewhere fun. I’m going to draw it on your back, can you guess where it is?”

Place your flat hands gently on the top of your child’s shoulder and begin making slow, soft wavy patterns across to the other shoulder and then move your wavy patterns slowly down and across their back. Make the waves big and then small, deeper and lighter.

Next, begin walking soft, flat handprints up and down their back. Imagine your hands are your feet walking in lovely soft sand by the water’s edge. Finish by drawing several big fish shapes onto your child’s back and finally ask them to guess the holiday destination!

Take a “Whaley” deep breath!

You’re going to take a swim now!  Ask your child to close their eyes as you gently rest your hands over their eyes. Describe the picture, the scene of a beautiful bluey, green ocean, the light dancing on the waves, and a wonderful whale slowly swimming to the surface.

As you’re doing this, lightly place your flat hands on the lower part of your child’s back.Your hands are the whale slowly swimming to the surface of the water. Glide your hands up their back, their neck, to the top of their head and then patter your fingertips over their head and back like bubbles showering down from the whale’s waterspout.

Get your child to breathe in as the whale is swimming to the surface and then breathe out as you patter the waterspout. Do this several times, breathe with your child, and enjoy your breath too. Next time it could be a fountain or a bubbling, warm volcano!

Energize, revitalize, get rid of grotty feelings with galloping horses hooves!

Why do horses love to gallop? Because they feel fantastically free & fabulous!

Bring your fingers together in a flat hand, now curl your fingers towards your wrist to make a cup shape. These are your horses’ hooves. Let’s have some fun, first

Let your child feel these galloping horses hooves on their back.Ask them to rest forward on their arms or cushion. Place your cups upside down onto your child’s back. Whisper in their ear,” Here come some galloping horses to make you feel great!”

Lightly begin cupping your hands over their back, shoulders and arms, listen to the sound of galloping horses hooves! Get your cupping lighter and lighter as the horses gallop off into the distance!

HAPPY! You are a brilliant star!

We never praise ourselves enough! We never praise our children enough! I want you to feel like you’re a scintillating star! You’re a star because you help me tidy up; you’ve looked after your sister; you are so kind; you are brilliant at solving maths problems etc. etc.

Stretch your hands open, your fingers and thumb are the 5 points of your star. Place your star onto your child’s head. Now pull your fingers and thumbs together gently massaging their scalp as your star comes together. Paint your stars all over their head then draw your stars onto their forehead, cheeks and back. Make huge stars, tiny stars and as you do so ask you child to count how many stars are in their galaxy!

A funny foot sandwich (not to be eaten!). Using humour to diffuse

Ask your child to lay down for a moment so that you can hold their foot in a sock so as not to tickle. Tell them you’re feeling rather hungry and are going to make a foot sandwich! Talk to your child as you make your sandwich. “So, here are my two slices of bread,” and squidge your flat hands around the top and bottom of their foot.

“Mmm, lovely soft bread. But now I need to butter the bread”. Let your hands pretend to butter the top and soles of their foot. Sweep your hands back and forth in a smooth spreading motion.

“It’s time to add “red, juicy t o m a t o e s” to my sandwich. “With your thumb make deep, soft, round tomato shapes on the front and back of each toe with super thumb presses on the tops of their toe pads.

“I’m going to add some crisp, green lettuce now. “ Gently roll your knuckles up and down the sole of their foot to make the crunchy, crisp lettuce. “Yum, this sandwich is looking good! Let’s finish by putting the top slice of bread on and squashing my sandwich together so nothing falls out.”

Gently squidge your hands around their foot, almost like you’re munching on the sandwich. “That foot sandwich looks

“Delicious!” Make sure you do both feet, you could try jam and peanut butter next time or cucumber and crisps!

Wend your way down a waterfall

If you could stand under a waterfall where in the world would it be? Waterfalls are magical, energizing and refreshing.

Talk to your child about their waterfall, where is it, how big is it, what does it sound like, can I stand next to you?

As they rest their head on a cushion or lie down, place your flat hands on top of their head and glide them, slowly from the head down their back. Do this again and again and paint the picture.

“Whoosh, picture your waterfall, a fresh, crystal clear blue waterfall, you’re standing underneath it as it splashes over your head. It’s cool and refreshing, bubbling, making you feel so squeaky clean and fresh.

Your waterfall can be anywhere in the world, in a rainforest, by Niagara Falls or under a lovely little waterfall in the Lake District. Fabulous fresh water, tumbling over your head, feel it, hear it..whoosh!

A humongous, happy, hug!

When I run workshops in schools, I say to the kids “You are absolutely AMAZING, there’s no one like you, you’re unique.  Your teacher is amazing too, look at what you guys have learned! I want you to give yourself a massive, squishy hug and as you do it, shout out I’M A FANTASTIC PERSON!”

Try this out with your child, both of you do it, have some fun. You’re actually massaging yourself when you give yourself a hug. Count to three and hug yourself and shout out “I’m a fantastic person!

I can ride a bike, I can tie my own shoelaces, I can sing, I can score goals, I’m brilliant at …. Shout out what YOU ARE BRILLIANT AT!

And then give each other a humongous hug and tell them why they are fantastic, but they have to tell you why you’re fantastic too!

Laugh, smile, enjoy being in the moment with your wonderful child

Even if they are moody and challenging, sometimes they can’t explain why. Tell them what you were like as a child. Draw a silly picture of yourself having a tantrum, no one is perfect, ask them what sort of parent they want to be, does it matter if they say some silly stuff?

Change roles for a few minutes, I’m the kid and you’re the parent.So, what would YOU do if you were a kid again? Now that’s another story!!!!

*Health and safety precautions

Massage around and not over cuts, bruises, sunburn, sore eczema, recent scar tissue.

Massage is considered a very gentle, safe and relaxing therapy and a great way to calm your kids down; however, there are times when massage is not advisable, if:

• Someone has a high temperature or is feeling unwell.
• Someone has a contagious, infectious disease.

Consult a Doctor before the self and peer massage if someone has any of the following conditions.

Any form of cancer; thrombosis, varicose veins or a heart condition; diabetes; epilepsy; bone disease; severe back pain or long-term injury; if you are or think you may be pregnant; after recent surgery.

Copyright: The Peer Massage Project Ltd 2020

About the author

After 15 years working in export selling for Liberty of London Prints, Carole spent 3 years as a Teaching Assistant whilst bringing up her family. She then retrained as a Massage and Aromatherapist and built up her on site massage business at Sega and at Kingston and Surbiton NHS.

Seeing the positive impact of using massage in the workplace, Carole ran a 6 month research project in local Kingston Schools collecting and assessing empirical data and going on to have a white paper written proving the incredible benefits in children’s learning, attitudes and behaviour when they used her Self and Peer massage Positive Touch Programme.

Now 11 years on, having also added Mindfulness Instructor to her CV, Carole has adapted her whole Positive Touch Programme to be accessed online by zoom. She runs zoom workshops for parents and children at home and for Teachers and Children at school.

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