The postpartum period is a time when mothers often feel as though they are living between two different realities. Their body has literally undergone a profound transformation to create new life, but the reflection they see in the mirror appears to be someone else. To add on, everyone else also has an opinion about your postpartum body. You hear it in the whispers of others (“You need to get your body back in shape after having a baby!”) and in your own racing mind (“You’re so lucky that you’re breastfeeding!”). There’s the insistence that you should be able to pop back into your pre-baby body, and the counter-insistence that you should love the way you look at every turn, without any of that pesky self-doubt getting in the way. But most of us aren’t existing at either of those extremes; instead, we’re over here navigating the gray zone. Today, we’ll look at how accepting your postpartum body doesn’t mean you can’t want changes, and how to do it in a way that feels natural to you.
What Acceptance Really Means After Birth
Acceptance is sometimes equated to resignation. But in fact it’s the opposite: Acceptance is about acknowledging your present-moment situation exactly as it is, without ruminating or feeling ashamed of that fact. Why your body changed the way it did is the most natural question to ask. Your body changed because it needed to. Your body expanded, your muscles lengthened, and your hormone levels altered. Finally, your fat was redistributed to support a growing embryo, and for the baby to be successfully nursed. Some of the changes you have experienced will subside over time. Some will remain longer. And some will stay forever. Learning to accept the ones that remain forever can give you so much less stress and anxiety about how you look.
Accepting your postpartum body is not about being unconditionally happy or being grateful every day of our lives. It’s not about loving every inch of ourselves and being okay with our physical appearance on every single occasion.
It’s Normal to Want Things to Feel Different
Wanting change does not automatically mean rejecting your body. Often, it means listening to it. Why do moms want to lose weight? Some moms feel stronger after having a baby, and they would like to start working out to lose some weight. Some moms feel tired and just want more energy. Finally, some moms want to feel more confident about the way they look, and they would like to wear smaller sizes. Whatever the reason, these feelings and goals are not unreasonable. In fact, regaining connection to the body and to our goals and desires after having a baby is very important. In the end, you can truly acknowledge the body you have while also wishing for specific changes.
Considering Plastic Surgery Without Shame
Plastic surgery is a highly emotive subject for many mothers, with the media perpetuating the common misconception that mothers who consider surgery are dissatisfied with their bodies, self-obsessed, and that priorities have become skewed. That assumption is unfair.
There are procedures designed for moms to address some of the physical changes that pregnancy and childbirth bring — such as abdominal muscle separation, excess skin, or breast volume loss. For many women, learning about these options is simply part of understanding what is available. And just because you examine information does not mean you have to act upon it. Moreover, simply because you choose to act does not mean that you are not self-accepting. The key question is what is motivating you in each case. Is your desire to be thin driven by external pressure or unrealistic expectations and the comparisons you may find yourself making, or is it truly driven by a heartfelt and thoughtful desire for health and self-acceptance? Your intention matters.
You can be thankful for your child and still be anxious about other things without seeming “ungrateful”.
Body Positivity Includes Personal Choice
Body positivity is sometimes thought of as loving one’s body as it is in this exact moment at all times. And that sounds great — in theory — to many of us. But honestly, what’s expected of us feels basically impossible, and also, really lonely. Real accommodations exist on a spectrum that supports a spectrum of bodies, experiences, and needs. A system that honours choice and complexity recognizes that all humans come in different shapes and sizes with unique life stories. All bodies deserve to be supported, regardless of external physical characteristics. Every person should have the autonomy to select which accommodations they prefer or need to succeed within a given environment.
It is completely valid to choose not to pursue any changes, and it is also completely valid to choose to explore them. You can choose to accept your postpartum body as it is and not need to change a thing to feel body positive. Or, you might choose to take up hot yoga—not only to support your weight-loss goals, but also as a meaningful form of self-care that gives you time to move, recharge, and reconnect with yourself.
The Emotional Side of Postpartum Body Changes
Physical changes are heavily saturated in emotional experience. People can often feel disconnected from their bodies and uncertain in how they conceive of their own identity following such changes.
Putting on clothes may feel different, as does intimacy. Even looking at your own pictures from before vs now can evoke a different set of emotions than usual. All of these feelings are part of your grief. Which, of course, does not mean regret but that meaning has changed.
The hardest thing as a mum to talk about is your body. So many mums don’t, because we feel selfish talking about something that could be considered easily fixed, and that people might find quite personal, but that really isn’t okay. Our bodies aren’t just vessels for babies. We exist as human beings beyond the role of mum. And loving and caring for ourselves does not detract from our love for our babies. It’s a message that needs to be told and believed.
Many new moms struggle with image issues on top of all the other difficult emotions tied to the postpartum period.
Redefining the Idea of “Getting Your Body Back”
The phrase “getting your body back” suggests reversal, but postpartum life doesn’t work that way. There is no returning to a previous version of yourself. Instead, there is an adjustment.
For some, regaining health and wellness after maternity means shifting the focus from aesthetics and beauty to function and strength. This might mean incorporating pilates exercises in their daily routine. For others, it is about taking back control of their body and themselves. Some women simply need to feel okay with their new appearance, as it is vastly different from their previous look. Others may require the assistance of a fitness or medical professional to aid in their journey.
A Relationship With Your Body Built on Respect
Your postpartum body tells a story of effort, adaptation, and survival. Even if you don’t love every part of that story, it deserves kindness. Accepting your postpartum body does not equal silence about the difficulties you’ve experienced. You can strive for change and improvements while still appreciating what you have. These two perspectives are not mutually exclusive.
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