In the labyrinth of societal expectations, women often find themselves losing their way amidst the roles they play for others. Sally Hope’s 30 Steps to Finding Yourself serves as a beacon, guiding women on a transformative journey of self-discovery. This feminist workbook is not just interactive; it’s a powerful tool designed to empower women to reclaim their identities, live authentically and help them in building resilience.
In this snippet, we explore the essence of the book and the author’s unique approach. Sally Hope, a recovery coach specializing in supporting women who have experienced domestic abuse, combines her personal triumph over trauma with professional knowledge and a touch of gentle humour. “30 Steps” is not just a book; it’s an intimate guide crafted to elevate self-esteem and foster happiness.
As we delve into Step 16: “Growing Through Adversity,” Sally invites us to reflect on life’s challenges. Using a compelling metaphor of a desert island, she prompts readers to explore coping mechanisms and turn them into strengths and a way of building resilience. Through thoughtful exercises, she encourages embracing resilience and recognizing the extraordinary strength that arises from overcoming adversity.
Join us on this empowering journey as we unravel the wisdom embedded in Sally Hope’s “30 Steps to Finding Yourself” and learn to celebrate the unique strengths that lie within each of us. It’s time to embark on a path of self-discovery and building and the realization that you are indeed amazing!
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Step 16: Growing Through Adversity
There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.
Life is tough. It’s unlikely you’ve got to the age you are today without facing some challenging times. When we are going through something difficult, we find varying ways to cope.
Imagine living on a desert island13 where one person has control over everything. What aspects of your life will that person control? Food rations? How your time is spent? Where you live? What else? Write them on the picture on the next page.
Now imagine all the different reactions that might happen on that island and all the different ways those who live there may cope with having so little control. Write them on there, too (you can draw them if you prefer).
Some people may try to escape; some people might put their head down and comply; others may use violence to rebel; others may collude with the leader and become their friend. When we face adversity, we often feel like we are not in control of our own lives, and there are a number of ways each unique individual may cope with this.
Now imagine a ship sees your SOS signal and rescues you from the desert island. Everyone is returned to their homes and regains their personal freedom. For some people, those coping mechanisms have become a habit and will continue. Some habits that served them well during a crisis may now be unhelpful. However, many of those coping mechanisms could be turned into a skill or strength: those who put their head down and battled on through will have developed resilience; those who colluded with the island’s leader may have developed great diplomacy skills. Have a look at the reactions you’ve written on your island and see if you can think of how they could become a strength.
Now, do the same exercise with yourself. Think about the difficult things you have experienced and how you coped.
Some coping mechanisms are:
- Emotional numbing: when we shut off our emotions or build a big emotional brick wall to protect ourselves.
- Fantasy: where we retreat into our imagination, perhaps imagining a better future or pretending that things are okay.
- Covering up: where we pretend to others that everything is all right.
- Collusion: when we collude with a person hurting us, or make a bad situation worse by sabotaging ourselves.
- Anger: lashing out by becoming angry and defiant.
- Compliance: getting on with it, doing as we’re told, giving in to a situation or avoiding conflict.
- Avoidance: shifting our focus to food, alcohol, drugs or anything else addictive.
What coping mechanisms have you employed?
13 This metaphor is based on an exercise from The Recovery Toolkit, Sue Penna’s 12-week programme for survivors of domestic abuse. There is an accompanying book available: The Recovery Toolkit by Sue Penna (Penna & Passmore Ltd, 4 May 2020).
To think about
Write down the coping mechanisms you’ve used at various points in your life to handle tough times.
Now look at each of these coping mechanisms and think about what strengths they have equipped you with. How can you use what you have learned and the skills you have acquired as a strength? What are you especially proud of about who you have become?
There may be things you’re not so keen on, but for now, focus on what is good, better, stronger and more beautiful about yourself. In this step, celebrate that strength. Be kind to yourself: if you’ve been through some tough stuff and made it out the other side – even if you feel a bit broken and damaged – then you’ve done something amazing. You are amazing.
To do
Find a way to remind yourself of your strength every day. Here are some ideas you could try:
- Create a positive affirmation to say to yourself in the mirror: “I am…”
- Write yourself a letter of encouragement as though you’re your own best friend.
- Make yourself a “Well done” card.
- Create some artwork around the word that best describes your strength.
- Do something that uses your strength.
- Share your strengths with someone else – be openly proud of yourself.
As we wrap up this insightful journey into Step 16 of Sally Hope’s transformative guide, “30 Steps to Finding Yourself,” we leave you with a powerful reminder of the importance of building resilience to deal with life’s knocks. Sally’s wisdom, drawn from personal experience and professional expertise, serves as a guiding light for anyone navigating the twists and turns of life.
Embracing the concept of building resilience is not just a step; it’s a profound shift towards a more empowered and fulfilled life. Through this exploration, we’ve uncovered the strength that arises from facing adversity, turning challenges into stepping stones toward personal growth.
Remember, building resilience isn’t a one-time task; it’s an ongoing journey. As you embark on this path, let Sally’s insights inspire you to cultivate resilience in every aspect of your life. Celebrate your victories, acknowledge your strengths, and face life’s knocks with a newfound sense of fortitude.
In your pursuit of building resilience, reflect on the exercises shared here and find ways to incorporate them into your daily life. You are more resilient than you realize, and with each challenge, you have the opportunity to emerge stronger.
So, here’s to building resilience — not just as a skill but as a way of life. Take these lessons with you, share them with others, and let the journey of self-discovery and empowerment continue. Sally Hope’s “30 Steps to Finding Yourself” is not just a book; it’s a companion on your resilience-building adventure. Until next time, thrive on resilience, embrace growth, and live your most empowered life!
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