Remember when you had a pert little bum number which you could slide into a pencil skirt without batting an eyelish? Or maybe you can’t. Because since becoming a mum you can bet that unless you are an A list celebrity with your own personal troupe of juicers, personal trainers and chefs that you have a MUM BUM!
The mum bum takes many shapes and forms, and has a sneaky way of poking you rudely in the eye when you least expect it…..
The swimsuit mum bum
After ten years you finally pluck up the courage to go to M&S and buy a new swim suit. Having forgotten all your swim suit dos and don’ts thanks to your silly mum brain….you stare at the dressing room mirror in disbelief you realise that where you once had two buttocks, you now seem to have….HOLY MOLY….four….FOUR? What is this some kind of cruel joke. No swimsuit should ever be cut that high *SOB*.
The flat as a pancake mum bum
In losing its pertness, your sagging bum now seems to have splayed out like a spatchcock chicken in all its flat un-glory. You wonder where all the juiciness has disappeared to and surmise that it’s probably gone the way of along everything that used to stop your boobs flopping over the side of your body when you lie down on the bed. Oh the shame!
The wibbly wobbly mum bum
God dammit, it doesn’t matter how many squats, lunges or burpees you ever do, your mum bum remains forever wobbly! Proving that you might as well just sit on your mum bum all day eating Nigella brownies because surely the outcome would be EXACTLY the same.
The mum bum that gets in the way of EVERYTHING!
Remember when you used to be able just slide through that tiny gap between that unreasonably small space left between your and the neighbouring car in the car park? Nope, those days are over. Somehow, your brain and your bum have very different ideas about what gaps you can get through, making you wish you had an emergency supply of Vaseline for emergency stuck! situations. And don’t even get me started about trying to get that mum bum through gaps in restaurants and buses….GOOD LORD! is there no end to the shame that our mum bums inflict on us?!
The mum bum that fits into nothing!
The rest of you might be tiny but no….you’re mum bum has other ideas! If only you had a personal tailor to navigate this new body type you seem to have amassed since motherhood. Ahhh now THEN I could live with a mum bum.
Do you have a wayward mum bum? What sort of problems does it cause you? And if you enjoyed reading this post why not check out A Letter To My Body.
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