13 things to do when you feel like a bad mum in 2023

We all have those days. Those days when we feel like a bad mum. When everything we do or say seems to go against us, when we feel like a failure, and we most definitely feel like we are not winning at this mum life. So today to help you get through those days or maybe even weeks when you feel like a bad mum, I’ve called on fellow parenting bloggers to share their tips, advice and strategies to help lift you out of that “bad mum” hole.

Reasons you are not a bad mum

You care

If you were really that ‘bad’ a Mum, then you wouldn’t care so much. If you were truly as bad as you fear, you wouldn’t be juggling with the many, seemingly endless, tasks at hand – striving to make your home tidier, cleaner, ensuring your children are fed, healthy, happy.   The very fact that you are beating yourself up for not doing your best proves that you are not a bad mum! It is so easy to slip into the habit of being hard on yourself and struggle to recognise, and give yourself credit for, the many great qualities you carry day by day. 

Our doubts cloud our perception

The fact of the matter is that it simply does not matter what you do, there will always be situations which you will look back on critically and doubt your decisions about- such is life! What we must try not to do is to let these doubts cloud our perception of ourselves, and our effectiveness as mothers.

Niggles of anxiety can be a good thing

Although one of the less enjoyable traits of good parenting, if you are having them this is a pretty surefire way of knowing you are not a bad mum!

13 things to do when you feel like a bad mum

Take a trip down memory lane

I look back on pictures to see how much they have grown and what they have achieved like the first time they rode a bike, their first nativity etc – it helps to shows how far they have come and how much you have helped them learn and grow. I then tell myself not to be so hard on myself ! – Ankle Biters Adventures 

Call in the girl gang

Talk to the girls! Get in that group chat and tell them you’re being too hard on yourself and need some encouragement. Works every time.

Remember – if you think you’re bad, you’re probably not!

Remind yourself that by even thinking you’re a bad parent it proves that you am not! If you were truly bad parent you wouldn’t even be worrying about it. I have days like this all the time but you can only try your best.

Focus on the positives

Think about all the good times! You rarely feel like a bad parent ALL the time. Then think about how you can change the way you react that made you feel bad in the first place – for example if you shouted, try to count to three next time before reacting.

Remember tomorrow is a new day

Sit down at the end of the day and look for the positives from that day. There will always be one, even if it’s a small thing. Focus your attention and thoughts on that positive and know that no matter how hard a day has been, tomorrow is a new day.

Get some perspective

It’s important to share how your feeling with your partner or close friends. They can usually help you get perspective! Know that the feeling of being a bad mum usually stems from something else and not actually your parenting so it’s important to just talk things through!

Talk to the kids

If you need to say sorry for something then say it. Tell them you feel bad about something and they will defend you and tell you how wonderful they think you are. You will feel a lot better after a cuddle!

Know that questioning yourself is a good thing

Talk to a friend of relative you trust. They’ll tell you if they think you could do something different (or better, dare I say it?!), but 99 times out of 100 they’ll actually reaffirm that you’re doing a wonderful job. None of us are perfect, but all of us parent with love – and our babies know that! Even the fact that we question ourselves is proof of our care of getting it right.

Talk to your own mum

I talk to my mum, she has been there and raised me so I feel that she won’t judge me at all and will know where I’m coming from. I turned out ok..I think!

Get some headspace

Have some time alone. Even just half an hour for a walk or run or an hour to meet a friend for coffee. Recharge your ‘Mum battery’ and you will feel much better. Try and remember that we are all muddling along, trying to get it right and that we all slip up sometimes.

Go back to basics

Remind yourself of the little things; they are alive, healthy, and loved. Okay so sometimes you may lose your patience or we may have days where he’s frustrated but try to think of it as healthy that they see that as well. Sometimes we just need to take a step back, take a breath and really take it back to basics.

Switch it up

Choose to do something spontaneous with the kids – take them out, get a craft out, do some baking. Take the time to devote my attention entirely to them for a chunk of time. It will usually make you feel better, especially if you feel isolated and you don’t have anyone to confide in.

See it from your children’s point of view

Luckily for us, children are incredibly forgiving and while you are busy beating yourself up over what you did or didn’t do, they are probably sitting there secretly thinking you are the best mummy ever. So try and see things from their point of view, and take their approach of being in the now, and moving onto the next thing after any misdemeanours may have happened as opposed to wallowing in it – easier said than done we know! –

What do you do when you feel like a bad mum? Do you have any tips or advice to offer? Or perhaps you’re reading this after having a bad day? Do leave a comment and share.

Picture credit: Designed by Freepik

40 comments

  1. I like the advice seeing it from your child’s point of view. I tend to do that too especially when I say “no” to my daughter. I always end up feeling guilty and then I explain why I said no. It works 🙂

  2. Interesting post this. I would say the best bit is about getting perspective which can be very hard when you are living what’s going on.

  3. Fantastic post. We all sometimes feel like bad mums, but the most important thing is to talk to the child and apologise if we did something wrong. Kida will always appreciate it!

  4. I had this yesterday when my son had a particularly bad day at school. I had to take a step back and spoke to him calmly when we had both had a chance to calm down

  5. I bet lots of mums feel like this at times – I’ve heard parenting isnt easy! I think focusing on the positives and talking to other parents sound like good tips.

  6. I couldn’t agree more, apart from the talking to your own mum bit, for me that would only serve to make things worse. But I’m all for apologising and cuddles #coolmumclub

  7. Some great tips here, I love the one about remembering that kids don’t wallow. It’s so true- they forget and still love you so we can do the same. #coolmumclub

  8. These are great tips and I totally agree that if you think you’re a crap mum you’re probably not as it shows you’re questioning your parenting and whether you could be better. However if you’re smoking crack in front of your kids without questioning it then maybe not!! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x

  9. Yesterday I had a really bad day with Ben, he is either coming down with something or just being a bit off. Nothing I would do would sort it and he was just so full on, refusing to eat etc. I called my Nan for a catch up last night and she told me how amazing both me and Hubby are as parents, she told me she watches us interact with Ben when we dont realise shes looking and that she knows were both doing a brilliant job. She honestly made me feel like I was floating on cloud 9 and today little man and me are getting along great, we’ve had a great morning so far and i’m totally winning this parenting game!! #coolmumclub

  10. I love those suggestions, I actually took out some holiday photos earlier and they made me realise how easily we forget the good moments and wish we had them all over again. I think it’s a good idea to praise our kids for the good things they do like the kindness or good manners they show to others as those are skills I’m proud of teaching and in praising them I remind myself of what I have done too. #Coolmumclub

  11. Lots of great idea here. I think i’d be lost without my WhatsApp group of Mum friends. We don’t live near each other anymore but they’re always there. Knowing that you’re not alone helps so much #dreamteam

  12. Great advice! I love getting with my mum friends and venting all together and thinking about it through my child’s eyes. Needed this today!
    #CoolMumClub

  13. I frequently question my parenting ability but I s trip back to are they feed and happy and sade so I know I am doing an OK job X #coolmumclub

  14. Head space works wonders for me. I felt guilty about needing my own space for ages. But now I accept that having some time out makes me a better mum. Some great suggestions in there. Nothing like some love and a good old moan with your mates too! #CoolMumClub

  15. Definitely talking to the kids! I often find myself chatting it through with them, and it helps me to not only see how loved I am, but also lets them see my imperfections which I feel is really important.
    That and have a glass of wine….when they’re in bed obvs! Surprised no one mentioned that little gem 😉
    Thanks for sharing some solid #coolmumclub advice…cheers!

  16. Great ideas there. Especially like the seeing it from a child’s perspective one. I will be referring back to this list next time I am struggling with my lot #coolmumclub

  17. I have a circle of friends I reach out to. They talk me off the ledge at times! #Coolmumclub

  18. Seeing from my child’s point of view. Great tip. I will try this tonight when he refuses to eat his lovingly made apples and red cabbage dinner. Again.

  19. Excellent tips. The remembering that tomorrow is another day is good. Things usually look very different in the morning when everyone’s had some space 🙂

  20. Brilliant tips. For me it’s all about getting that smile back on my face! I have been known to hold a bad mood for a while… looking through photos is a god way to turn things around, they always make me smile x
    #coolmumclub

  21. The girl gang truly rocks!!! What would we do without them?!
    And great advice about seeing things from our children’s perspective – helps understand why the tantrum really happened in the first place; and as you said, helps us feel a tad better knowing they aren’t beating themselves up about it as much as we are!!!
    #coolmumclub

  22. Great tips!! I especially agree with talking and being honest with your kids; saying something like ‘I’m sorry I shouted.” They’re usually extremely forgiving and helps to give a sense of perspective. Also essential to have some alone time too! #CoolMumClub x

  23. Definitely taking a deep breath and counting to three always helps! I find that if I’m getting short-tempered and impatient I need to walk out of the room and then I always return in a better, more patient frame of mind!! xx #coolmumclub

  24. You mention something my mum always said to me when I worried about not doing things right, if you worry about being a bad mum it means you’re probably well on the road to being a very good one. One of the best bits of parenting advice ive ever had
    #coolmumsclub

  25. What great words of advice from other Mums – it’s good to know that everyone has been there, and that worrying about it at least shows you are an OK mum anyway to be aware of it! Yup that makes sense to me!!

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