You haven’t had an easy ride in motherhood – but who has? But one thing you have always done as my mum – has always tried to do your best, and what is right with the greatest levels of commitment – and for that, I am so thankful.
I still carry that feeling of you pressing your cheek against mine as a baby, smelling my baby sweet skin. I cling on to the memory of you preparing lamb on a Sunday whilst I sat and sang along to the radio in the highchair. Of laying out the pots and pans for me in the living room so I could bang them with a wooden spoon. Because that’s how simple life as back in those days.
As I grew up, strength faded as your mental and physical health conditions took their toll on you. You were there – struggling on as my mum – but always there.
When dad left, it felt like the whole world had been ripped from underneath your feet. You had to learn how to do everything by yourself. All on your own, carrying your life long auto-immune health sentence along with you everywhere you went.
But all of that taught me that no matter how bad things get, you just have to keep picking yourself up and carrying on. You have to fight the good fight, every damn step of the way.
And what a perfect lesson, as you were there for me every step of the way as my mum as I fought through making my mark in this world and all the highs and lows it brought. Through the blow of my own divorce at a young age, my own barrage of health issues, my floundering in new motherhood, facing situations as bravely as I could when inside I was scared as hell.
Your spirit has been inside me all of this time, urging me on, to do the best I can do, and persevere. Even now, as your one-time partner lies in hospital with his life being slowly taken from him by cancer, your strong fighting spirit prevails. Your perseverance and dedication continue to dominate despite the fact that some days you are in crippling physical pain.
I know we have not always seen eye-to-eye, and my childhood was not the carefree happy one from the picture books. But I want you to know that you have taught me to be strong and to keep going. Even when everything in the world is stacking up against us. And in these crazy times, that has to be one of the greatest gifts any mum can give a daughter.
So to my mum – I know you didn’t want any presents this Mother’s Day, so I did the next best thing I could do. I wrote this post for you.
Happy Mother’s Day to my amazingly strong yet vulnerable mum. If there was ever proof that the two could co-exist so profoundly, it is to be found in you. And yes you’re right – as you always say…I WILL miss you when you’re gone.
I love you to the moon and back!
Picture credit: Watercolor vector created by freepik – www.freepik.com