My name is Ashley from the surrogacy blog and educational website, www.thebiggestask.com and today I wanted to share my journey of surrogate motherhood and why I became a surrogate mum
As far back as I can remember, I have been “baby crazy”. I always wanted to hang out with the younger kids in my family, and I started babysitting when I was 14 years old. Starting my freshman year in high school, I would constantly ask my aunt if I could babysit my 6 month old baby cousin, Miyah, overnight. My aunt always trusted me to wake up to the baby crying in the middle of the night! I was Miyah’s main babysitter, and I loved every minute of it! Everyone in my family knew that I had the “mama instinct”.
My first encounter with surrogate motherhood
Like many other people my age, I first learned about surrogacy through an episode of Friends, where Pheobe was a surrogate for her brother’s older wife. In 2008, I saw the movie, Baby Mama, where Amy Poehler plays a surrogate for Tina Fey’s character. It was after watching that movie that I remember thinking that it would be really cool to become a surrogate one day. That was my first encounter with surrogate motherhood.
I was 18 years old when I was pregnant with my daughter, Kiera. It was a smooth pregnancy, and I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. I loved having a baby bump. I loved being able to feel her move around inside of me. I loved knowing that I was carrying a HUMAN in my stomach. I loved every new milestone. The end of the pregnancy wasn’t the most fun, but it never took away the joy I felt during the entire process. Not long after having Kiera, thoughts of surrogate motherhood popped into my head again. It was 2009 and there really wasn’t a lot of information out there about it – or if there was, I didn’t know where to look. The lack of available information made me think that surrogate motherhood was out of my reach, like it was untouchable, or really hard to do. So, I let it go. I became pretty content with having only one child and was convinced I’d never have anymore.
My first baby
Then, I met my wife, Sheria, in 2011 through a mutual friend of ours. My wife and I got married and we decided that we wanted to have more children. We knew having a baby in a same-sex relationship wouldn’t be easy, but we didn’t fully anticipate everything that went into it. In addition to researching sperm donor banks, costs of sperm, the costs of mailing it/storing it/etc, the overwhelming decision of how to choose the right donor was daunting. One day, out of the blue, a good friend of ours offered to be our sperm donor. His generous gift to us instantly took all the worries and stress away. Instead of making daunting decisions about sperm donors, we were now turning our energy and focus on being excited for our upcoming pregnancy!
Our excitement soon ended. I got pregnant on our first try but my HcG levels were not increasing very much. I felt fine, until one morning I could barely get out of bed due to the excruciating pain I felt in my abdomen. I was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time, and I thought instantly that I was having a miscarriage. I called my wife home from work and she brought me to the ER. Once we got there, we went in for an ultrasound where they discovered that our baby was stuck in my right fallopian tube. I was whisked immediately into surgery and while wheeling me away the Doctor informed us that the situation was emergent because the tube could burst and essentially either cause more damage or kill me from internal bleeding. We didn’t have much time to process what was happening as I was taken off to surgery. The next thing I knew, I woke up and asked for my wife, where they told us what had happened, and that they had to take my right tube and our baby, because they couldn’t save either.
From there, our journey became easier. Miraculously, we got pregnant with our son, Huxley, on the very next try in 2018! I felt so deeply in my heart that without the graciousness of our sperm donor and his family, we wouldn’t have had our rainbow baby that brings our life so much fullness and joy. Everyday we just felt so thankful for what the sperm donor did for our family and what he gave us and I wanted to give back in a similar way. The entire journey to Huxley instantly made me want to help others that struggle with having babies of their own.
My first step into surrogate motherhood
Which led me back to looking into surrogate motherhood again. Much like in 2009, I couldn’t find a lot of information on surrogacy. But a friend of mine had been a surrogate a few years prior, and told me she went through IARC Surrogacy. I went onto their website and filled out all the information and was very quickly on my way through my first surrogate motherhood journey. I learned about surrogate motherhood along the way. I didn’t know what to expect, but in the end, it was worth every step.
From meeting my intended fathers for the first time, to getting the first positive pregnancy test, to finding out it was twins, and so on, it was BEAUTIFUL. I will never forget the day I got to introduce my intended fathers to their brand new babies that I helped bring into this world! Seeing my intended fathers meet their children is a feeling of joy that I could never fully explain – and in that moment I knew I made the right choice in choosing to become a surrogate.
Baby photo created by rawpixel.com – www.freepik.com
If you enjoyed this post, please consider supporting this site by buying us a virtual coffee.
It takes a lot of courage to be a surrogate. I admire you for that. It seems like IARC Surrogacy has a lot of information. Will check it out.
That was really a beautiful and very inspiring story. I am glad that you choose to be a surrogate mother and giving a chance other people to have their own kid/s.
I really admire you for this! I really love reading this post. Such a really inspiring story.
Wow! I have never really thought that we have this option but for someone who has been TTC, I am willing to consider getting a surrogate mother for our future babies. Thank you for sharing these insights.